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Mother to Her Daughter-A Shoulder to Lean On

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#1
I don't really like that the first piece I'm putting in here is a poem since I'm better with stories, but this is the only thing I have typed for now.

I watch with pride as you ride away,
Hair streaming behind you,
The spinning circles free of their training wheels.
You ride away with a slight wobble,
The only sign that I should remain nearby.
That is the first.

Your father packs the last box.
The car we gave you for your graduation,
Filled to the brim with your belongings.
Tearfully, I kiss your cheek.
“Mom,” you say, “I’ll be back in the summer.”
I tell you I love you and off you go,
Leaving me with a sense of loss,
A void that cannot be filled.
That is the second.

I sit, watching,
Heart and eyes full.
I dab at my eyes with a tissue.
So lovely in your long white gown,
Today you become a woman.
I should be used to it by now,
But still there is the ache in my heart.
That is the third.

The baby has your eyes.
She really is beautiful,
But not as much as you were at her age.
Your husband has found a larger house,
But it means moving across country.
I’ll miss you, of course,
But this, I realize,
This is the fourth.

Four times you have established your independence.
Four times I had no choice but to just watch,
Aching for the times when you needed me beside you always.
While I know that you must make it on your own,
I hope you remember that sometimes,
We all need a shoulder to lean on.
 

KreffKa'sWill

4 '04 for Life!
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#2
Well, I'm not exactly a good critic as far as poems go, I haven't really read much poetry. This Poem seems true at heart, but I seem to not quite feel it while I read. I'm not sure if it's because I know you haven't actually experienced what your poem is about so i'm having trouble accepting it or what. It isn't a bad poem, but it didn't strike a chord in me or anything. Then again I'm a college age male, and the target is mothers so I'm not exactly what it's aiming for.
 
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#3
Good point. Thanks for the feedback. I'll see what I can do to improve it.