WTF ... IS WTF!?
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My friend is cutting herself!!!!?

lady victoria

Too old for this shit!
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#1
I have no idea what to do about this so im asking u lot for some hopefully contructive advice !

I have a friend who i met recently, like a month ago. Shes young and lives at home with her mum and dad and has a brother. She calls me and tells me shes been dumped, so shes upset and then she drops the fact thats she cuts herself! So im there thinking wtf, what do I say, shit.... and so on. Also it should also be noted that shes not making it up, ive seen the damage!

I am aware that this kind of thing probably needs therapy. But through the course of conversation it appears that this a secret and that parents etc do not know (she cuts herself on the legs). She,despite many attempts, refuses to talk to any member of her family. I dont know what to do, given the fact that she confided this to me in the first place makes me worry more. Has anyone experienced this ? suggestions please! :banghead:
 

BrIONwoshMunky

EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!
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#2
Well if she trusts you enough to tell you about it, odds are she really want's help. Perhaps there is a school counselour that you could speak to about it. If her family is part of the problem, telling them about it could only hurt. You'll have to actually assess the situation yourself and make a decision, (something your friend obviously cannot do).
 

BklynCannonball

pffffffffffttttttttttt...
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If you can, convince her to go to counseling. Tell her you'll go with her if she needs someone there. I don't mean to the actual session, more like the waiting room.

Chances are she's lonely, feels misunderstood and ignored, plus she likes to cut herself.
 

Piro

From appaled to applauding, controversy.
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#4
Seek professional help, if she wont go, go for her.
Go to your local/personal GP and ask for advice; the doctor will keep it confidential unless he/she deems it very serious -thus you will not betray her trust. As we are British, our medical service is generally* free -what is there to lose? The last thing you want is for your friend to cut herself at the wrong place, trust me, you do not want that on your conscience for the rest of your life. Act sooner rather than later.

If you are unsure how to approach your GP, start with the words 'hypothetically, if I was cutting myself due to a relationship split up, what should I do to stop' -hopefully the doctor will pick up on the fact you are talking about somebody else. They should give contacts for shrinks if the doctor thinks it is necessary.
 

leehype

drunk with a jeep problem
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#5
One of my exg/f used to cut her self. She said that it gave her something to focus on instead of what was bothering her. Once she cut herself too deep and had to go to the ER. Everyone on this page is right she needs help, and if your the only one she has told then your the only one she trusts.
 

lady victoria

Too old for this shit!
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#7
now arse hat thats just the kind of opinion i dont need... get a life
 

Piro

From appaled to applauding, controversy.
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#8
wockakooka said:
there just attention whores
I so want to cut your fingers off. :thumbsdn:
 

silvablade

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vic, as far as the mind aspect of that is concerned, cutters cut because it allows them to 1) release pain in a physical sense because they dont have an emotional outlet. and 2) because its self destructive, like true anorexia. They in same way shape or form hate themselves/blame themselves for or because of the troubles in there life.

To be honest I don't think that you can help HEAL her, but you can listen and be supportive. If you try to over understand she might just push herself away. I'd focus on how happy you are that she trusts you, and that she must want to heal if she has started to talk about it. This is no little issue however. It will take years of growth and work within. There will be alot of relapses too. Just be there for her and suggest a private doctor whenever she's willing to hear it. It's all completely confidential. :)

Child molestation is along the same line. It gets bottled or blocked out for years, until they finally break and tell someone. usually by that time there are MANY issues connected with it. Like your friend will have. You cant try to understand, just tell them how proud you are that they had the strength to open up. They will heal on there own in due time, but without professional guidance the likelyhood that she will do it in under a decade is very slim. Good luck to you and to her :(
 

Jung

???
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#10
lady victoria said:
now arse hat thats just the kind of opinion i dont need... get a life
Well, although he was crass in his description, he had a point; people who do theses little cutting fits are seeking attention. They want you to notice them and show that you care, especially in this case after being dumped. Like Brion and others have said, you need to seek help for her, she obviously has some i mental issues to work out.
 

silvablade

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#11
just so you know. When someone has een doing it for years, on a hidden part of their body, and doesn't tell anyone, it isnt for attention. It's a form of punishment, self mutalation, and that is completely different than the cutting you get from someone in 8th grade that tells all their friends about it.
 

Jung

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#12
silvablade said:
just so you know. When someone has een doing it for years, on a hidden part of their body, and doesn't tell anyone, it isnt for attention.
And that's not the case in this situation, now is it? You know, you're not the only person in the world who has ever taken a psychology class. I was obviously just addressing the situation showcased in this thread though. :)
 

silvablade

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#13
i think im kind of confused, because her saying she'd NEVER told her family or people prior, might somewhat NOT point to that. but clearly youve got a different view.

On a side note I'm not acting high and mighty. It just seemed to me that what she said moved more towards a true cutter and not an attention getter.
 

Jung

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#14
Well, the first post outlines it pretty clearly.
She calls me and tells me shes been dumped, so shes upset and then she drops the fact thats she cuts herself!
Which indicates that she is, in fact, looking for some sort of attention. I never said it was negative attention, and maybe the girl is really looking for a way to quit. But she's obviously seeking attention of some sort, because, like you said, those who aren't don't bring it to anyone's attention.
On a side note I'm not acting high and mighty.
I never said you were. :)
 

silvablade

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#15
lady victoria said:
I am aware that this kind of thing probably needs therapy. But through the course of conversation it appears that this a secret and that parents etc do not know (she cuts herself on the legs). She,despite many attempts, refuses to talk to any member of her family.
I guess i was focusing more on this quote. I assumed lady was the first told, which to me implies that she is finally ready to stop, and start healing. not get attention. But i suppose until we hear more of the story we wont know. :p
 

morelos

lexicon incognito
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lady victoria, how old is this friend?

there are lots of different reasons why people begin doing this, and while none are healthy, some have potentially worse ends than others.

sometimes people cut themselves as 'copycats,' as in they are already carrying grief with them and after they hear about it, it subconsciously becomes something to try out as an expression of that grief.

other times they have something that they want to 'tease' people with, which is probably a bad word to use, but it's like they WANT to tell people, or want the care and concern of others but don't just want to let it out for consolation. instead, they want to maximize the emotional support they get by cutting.

yet others will do it as a way to test their own pain threshhold; often this helps people decide by what method to kill themselves (as in, "can i handle stabbing myself to death or do i really have to look for a gun or pills"). this kind of self-violence is usually the worst.

surprisingly, even upon talking about the 'secret' with others, it may not help the grief. i would also point out that people who cut because their grief has led to low self-esteem or self-value often have a period of worsening when they start seeing a therapist because they feel inadequate at solving their own problems. there's a real feeling of the release of pressure when a person can solve their own grief issues without outside help. being a good friend, listening, and then doing your best to describe how you perceive the person to feel often shows that they're not "alone" in the world and can stop everything / help / etc.

what can i say, though... telling the secret isn't always the key to alleviating the grief. that's the most important thing. try making her comfortable telling you about how she feels and as much of why she feels that way as possible, by reminding her that she doesn't need to tell you about it unless she's ready or has a disaster, but that you can still understand how she's feeling and try to help her feel better without knowing the mechanics of what sent her into a downward spiral to begin with.

usually when someone's cutting and tells someone else, it's safer than if they don't, but you still need to keep an eye out for suspicious behavior. one of the most obvious is that people will suddenly get very cheery and try to 'make amends' with everyone. this indicates the absolute resolve to kill one's self. not the passionate "omg life sucks i'm gonna kill myself right now" but "i'm ready to go and i'm comfortable with the idea already." that's when you gotta call a service immediately. it's unmistakeable and dire.

~ dan ~
 

POInPR!

Dain Bramaged
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#17
I used to burn(brand) myself

Lady, help her get help...
 

=User_Name=

CuntWaffle or Dumbass?
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call 911, say its urgent, tehy pick er up, bring to hospitol, fix her, and give you advice. :thumbsup: give it a try!