My Friend


Fack Aff!
in the night, when i am all alone
i sit and look at my inner self
sometimes i wonder if i like myself
sometimes i wonder if i am truely at peace
sometimes i wonder, will i ever meet my dreams or expectations
as i get older, i look at my life lessons
the good and the bad, the happy and the sad
i appreciate all those who helped me grow
i appreciate all those who helped me feel pain and happiness
but then i sit and wonder, why i always feel alone
i feel alone in my happiness and depression
i feel alone in the raising of mt children
i feel alone in my anger and my frustration
i have no one to share my moments in life
but does that have to leave me feeling alone?
i have friends who listen to my pains and suffering
i have friends who i share my joy and laughs
but still in the end, i feel alone
always cursed in silence, always to face my future alone
sometimes i feel swallowed by my darkness
sometimes i feel like my end is near
the only thing keeping me going is the love of my children
i look into their eyes and see their innocence and undying love
they don't judge me for my past or my mistakes
they judge me for the punishment they get for staying out to late
so at the end of my day, i sit in my own judgement
most of the time, i don't like myself
some of the time i punish myself
rarley am i content with who i am
so that leads me to think about life
what have i learn?
what are my lessons?
my only conclussion, is that i am alone
i alone can raise my children
i alone can find my happiness
i alone can change my world
so along a dark highway i travel
the direction unknown, the ending in the dark
i fear this thought, cause i fear the darkness
that always threatens to swallow me
always lerking, always sitting at my side
my darkness has become my friend and companion
one day i shall fear the light.