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My Poetry...

Is the poem good?


  • Total voters
    10

BumB

Hoodrat
41
0
0
#1
Alright im new here, and I know this is the place for the harshest and most truthful criticizism or flaming.. hehe.. so check out my first two poems, done in the last week. About a girl I like... are they good? I want your complete honest opinion, considering this is the place for it :)

EDIT: Added a third poem

Never Have I

Never have I seen a girl
Who's beauty shines through the world
Who has the most beautiful, tender, gorgeous face
Who looks so good, she makes my heart race.

She has the prettiest, most sparkling, dazzling eyes
It'll make you think she's from some place high
An angel from above, you would think
I hope someday, our hearts will link.

Never have I seen a girl
Who's sweetness is known throughout my world
Who has the biggest, kindest, sweetest heart
Who is so great, I'd never want to be apart.

She's the nicest girl I've ever met
Makes me feel great, for sure, that's a bet
She picks me up when I'm falling down
Making sure I don't make a frown

As you know, you're the girl I'm talking about,
In the middle of a crowd, "I like this girl" I shout.
If you like me too, and feel the same,
Any day or any night, just call my name.

At that very moment I will appear,
Just because your voice I will hear.
And as always I'll be there for you,
All because I like you.



Beautiful Dream

She comes to me as I sleep,
Interrupting the jumping sheep.
Who is this lady, this lady I see...
Standing there... looking over me.

She speaks to me...
In the mid summer nights heat,
Her voice so, beautiful and sweet.
She reaches out and touches me,
With her hands.... so softly.
Her lips upon mine.
So real it does seem...
My heart begins to shine,
Then I realize, it’s a dream.

The scent of roses is in the air.
But when I awake, no one is there.
Alone again, I stare into the dark.
A hopeless, helpless broken heart
How I wish I could be free,
With you standing here next to me.

I picture us running in the rain,
Living life through every single pain.
Sitting here, I picture you,
Oh how I wish, this image would be true.
In my mind you will be forever,
Waiting for that day we will hold hands together.

In every way, my love I show,
Wishing for just one second, I could be your Romeo.
Fill your life, with your every wish and dream,
However I can’t be with you, so it seems.
It hurts me to say this, but it is so true,
I can’t go through life without you.

Please don’t break my heart,
Cuz then I might cry,
Wishing I could be with you,
Living my life a lie.
I don’t need to do that,
I need you here with me,
Please, please listen,
This is my last plea.

Don’t leave me alone here,
To drown out this treacherous sorrow,
Be with me for life,
Be with me tomorrow.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, is all I want,
If not, please do not taunt.
Be with me now, or forever I’ll be all alone,
Help out my kingdom, or take away my throne.


I Wanna Know

Girl, you’ve been messin with my mind for too many days,
Girl, I think what your doing is so wrong.
You need to straighten up and stop your ways,
Ya know I’ve never been lead on for so long.

I wish you would just come forward and let me know,
Just to let me know if I should stay or go.
I’m gettin tired of waitin on you,
Just say it, do you love me too?

That’s it, I’ve had enough,
I can’t deal with all this stuff.
It’s over, I’m gone, time for good-bye,
I can’t believe I even wanted to try.

Girl, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted,
You’re everything I’ve ever needed,
But all I get is being taunted,
Even after every time I pleaded.

It’s a shame you can’t come out and tell me,
Whether or not we were meant to be.
All I want to know is will you be my girl,
All I want to know is will you complete my world?

Girl, I need to know,
Girl, you need to show,
I want to be with you, but you don’t say shit though,
Girl, I really wanna know.

Be with me,
Be my girl,
Set me free,
Fill my world.

This is the end,
I really wanna know,
I’m coming around the last bend,
Do you love me so?​
 

ODDDLY

West Coast Birth Life
506
0
0
#2
Wrong forum; To keep it in light of B&T, jackass.
 

BumB

Hoodrat
41
0
0
#3
I put it in here so people could flame me if they felt it was that shitty ... I knew what the fuck I was doing, asshole :)
 

Smoke

Banned - What an Asshat!
2,583
0
0
#4
I like it, good job dude. :thumbsup:
 

BrIONwoshMunky

EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!
Staff
9,588
1,278
387
#5
BumB said:
I put it in here so people could flame me if they felt it was that shitty ... I knew what the fuck I was doing, asshole :)

Too bad you didn't think about the fact that no one will read it in this forum, so no one will be in fact able to tell you it indeed does suck a dead goat's bloated tit.
 

fuck_you

Banned - What an Asshat!
502
0
0
#6
i make better poems about shitting while im shitting u cock sucker!!!! check my poems out they are all amazingly well written.
 

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
4,674
16
0
#7
I am not even going to read it

YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVE A WRITERS BLOCK. USE IT
 

BumB

Hoodrat
41
0
0
#8
1. No Flames/slams/digs or personal attacks WHAT SO EVER! This is the writers block. I will not and I won't stand for anyone being flamed in here. People are not going to be afraid to post their poetry, writings, thoughts and ideas because of lack of respect. Go to Bait & Tackle for that. If I or another mod feels it is Unjust ... it will be edited to our personal liking.

This I noticed Kitana, so I went to writer's block, saw the above, and left to come here.
 

betrayed

Banned - What an Asshat!
1,782
0
0
#9
BumB said:
1. No Flames/slams/digs or personal attacks WHAT SO EVER! This is the writers block. I will not and I won't stand for anyone being flamed in here. People are not going to be afraid to post their poetry, writings, thoughts and ideas because of lack of respect. Go to Bait & Tackle for that. If I or another mod feels it is Unjust ... it will be edited to our personal liking.

This I noticed Kitana, so I went to writer's block, saw the above, and left to come here.
You aren't in the writers block, we can flame you all we won't, you'll have to take the beating like all 10 year olds do.
 

BumB

Hoodrat
41
0
0
#10
p99:
Apparently you didn't get my message, I came here so I could be flamed if people didn't like my poems. I came here because they don't allow flaming in the writer's block, and I want to receive it, if I deserve it :)
 

betrayed

Banned - What an Asshat!
1,782
0
0
#11
BumB said:
Apparently you didn't get my message, I came here so I could be flamed if people didn't like my poems. I came here because they don't allow flaming in the writer's block, and I want to receive it, if I deserve it :)
Uhh, right. Good luck with that strategy.
 

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
4,674
16
0
#12
BumB said:
Apparently you didn't get my message, I came here so I could be flamed if people didn't like my poems. I came here because they don't allow flaming in the writer's block, and I want to receive it, if I deserve it :)
Oh in the writters block we will tell you your poetry sucks. We will tell you why it sucks. We will just do so in a respectful mannar.
 

BrIONwoshMunky

EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!
Staff
9,588
1,278
387
#14
I regret to inform you that no matter where you move that flaming pile of putrid puke, it's still gonna suck rotten man ass.
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
9,282
738
387
#15
Queen Kitana is not a Mod of B&T,therefore she cannot...moooo-ve it.
Simmer down BumBkin. If Ewe want it mooo-ved,you'll need to wait for the B&T fartnads to dood it.

Mr."Break yer Dick" Broken
MaxPowerPenisPump
Sir Skorch "Your Ass"

Ask them,they'll git er done.
Just remember,when you're in The Writers Block,Kitana will own your ass.

BTW,nice poems.
Bitch