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my short work in progress

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
178
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#1
i usually odnt let anyone read my shit until i am ready to sub it fo pub...nope, not published yet...but heres a work in progress..

Ferzuz stepped slowly from the gate. The strong wards Alasia had bestowed upon him allowed him to pass. He was thankfull for the gift, most demons who attempted to open a gate from hell were torn into oblivion. Ferzuz did not discount the amount of magic his mistress had used to give him this ability, for it had been a great gift of her trust. Ferzuz gritted his large teeth together. He would not displease the child he loved so, if a demon could know love. Slowly, he slipped the ring that hung loosely on his neck around his obtuse black finger. The demon stepped forth, uttering a cantation. If any in the forest deeps had been watching, they would have seen a massive black mass of muscle, bone and teeth in places where teeth were not naturally set. Long blackened nails, fitted to a sharp point grew slender. The hulking mass stepped forth and bit his bolbous red tongue to keep from screaming in pain. His body shrunk and stretched, burned with fire from within. It was not an easy task, but the demon bore his pain with stoic silence. After a moment, if any had been watching, they wuold see a young elf lord, dressed in black silk step forth. Hair as black as midnight slipped in gracefull waves from his head, and fingers daintily wiped spittle from his face. Ferzuz grinned despite his disgust.

"Oh-Ho!" A voice called form the forest, and Ferzuz stepped back, his body tense. "Freind elf, you do be a long way from home!" The man called out, stepping from the brush. Ferzuz cursed himself for his stupidity, his slender, pointed ears perked up in spite of himself.

Ferzzuz began to speak, and as the silken words slipped from his mouth, he siliently thanked his mistress for her gift. She was a most generous dark princess. "Well, friend ranger, right you are. I seem to have lost my way in this vast forest. I am Xanatrinashan, though many call me Ashan. I am a trader of the Deep Elves, though I seem to have naught left to trade."

The disguise, the plan, had been well thought out. The Deep Elves, or Shartaishan, were the only ones left of the elven kin who still held open trade with other races. Their main trade routes were far from here, but his plan was to say that he had made passage with a merchant caravan who had betrayed him and left him for certain death. The story worked out well, but if it had not Ferzzuz could dispense of one human without batting a long elven eyelash. Ferzzuz soon learned many things from the unsuspecting ranger, his name, first off, was Behnro. And Behn, as he was called, knew many things about the elven cousins to the Sharaishan, specifically about those the demon sought in his three days. Three days was all Ferzzuz had, and he found himself suddenly befriended by a gracious ranger on the first. A gracious ranger who would lead him to the Amarshirill, the elven kind he sought. This human may live yet, Ferzzuz thought, giving an occasional laugh to Behn bad jokes.

"Ashan, I shall lead you to your cousins, who, though are made with a more ridgid hide than your kin, would be willing to bestow you with safe passage home, I do be sure." Behn had the accent of a peasant, and as Ferzzuz learned as they walked through the few miles left of forest, that was exactly what Behn was. Dark princess, he thought, does this man ever fall silent?

Ferzzuz found Behn's taste to be lowborn, his chatter a constant annoyance, and his boisterous laghter at his own bad jokes grated on his mind. His demonic mind, he reminded himself. He had to remind himself often, as the powers that granted the ability to disguise so well also laid a trap with that disguise. One had to continuosly will his own existence, or be lost forever in his own disguise, and never know it. That was why he gave himself three days only, for it was very taxing to continuosly pull your existence through a disguise while maintaining the same disguise. It was a whirlwind of magic far beyond the likes of Ferzzuz, but his dark princess had assured him safety, if only for three days.
 

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
4,674
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#2
Nice start. I like how the story unfolds and you gave a good colorful build up of the chars. Nice work again, hope you continue it.
 

rogue

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#4
I don't know how u can do it. I've written, but I can't come up with anything good. Great story!