Nasty Sex Jokes

Descent

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,685
149
157
Q. If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
A. The Captains Dinghy!

Q. What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
A. The aids team.

Q. What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire?
A. See you next period.

Q. What do you call a female clown?
A. A Clunt

Q. How did the gay break his leg at the golf course?
A. He fell off the ball washer!

Q. What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
A. Vomit

Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean.

Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?
A. They're called 'Predickamints'

Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'

More jokes to come!

Oh and Broken, I agree with you that the site has been boring lately. After the back to school season dies down, the n00by teeangers should stop posting about how "Oh, my life sucks, i'm gonna kill myself, blah blah, MTV, blah."

Have fun cocksuckers!
 
MaxPower

MaxPower

Sweep the leg
Staff
17,278
7,885
637
A girl goes fishing with four men.

None of the guys caught a fish, but she came home with a red snapper.
 
MaxPower

MaxPower

Sweep the leg
Staff
17,278
7,885
637
What's the difference between the circus and the Radio city music hall’s Rockettes?

A circus is a cunning array of stunts.
 
dustinzgirl

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
183
0
Why oh why did I read this? I soooooo dont belong here. Ok, leaving now...enjoy yorselves.
 
D

Dave666

Pot-Head
565
0
0
What does Wacko Jacko and Mcdonalds have in common?

They both like to stick there beef in two twelve year old buns
 
J

Jeranamo

Tenderony
180
0
0
Dave666 said:
What does Wacko Jacko and Mcdonalds have in common?

They both like to stick there beef in two twelve year old buns
Click to expand...
... BAHAHAHAHAHHA. I'd say that's the best one on here because it's TRUE :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
 
Brain Spout

Brain Spout

Wizard No More
4,503
106
177
an 80 year old guy has recently married a nice hot 20 year old. he decides that he needs a doctors appointment, wants to keep in good health.

anyways at the doctors:
80 year old guy(G)
doctor(D)
G: hows it going doc, i just got married last month and we're expecting a child
D: you got you wife pregnant, at 80? she can still and you can still.
G: she definitely can, shes 20.
D: oh, i see, can i tell you a story
G: sure go ahead
D: you see, i got this friend who goes hunting every weekend. he probably about 80 years old now, like you. anyway a couple years ago he went out hunting, but instead of bringing his gun he brought a cane foolishly. unfortunately hes unaware of this. so he shoulders the cane and takes aim at a beaver close by. he pulls the trigger three times on his imaginary gun and 'bam bam bam' the beaver fall over dead. now what do you think of that story?
G: well, i think that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver
 
J

Jarilith

Tenderony
168
0
0
A recently widowed elderly woman was speaking to her husbands ashes. "You know Frank, that mink coat I always wanted? Well now that your gone, I finally bought it for myself. And that ocean cruise you wouldn't agree to? I leave for that next week." She pours the ashes on the coffee table and says "now that I am getting all these things that *I* wanted, you know that blow job you always wanted?" She stands up and turns on the leaf blower.



Q: What's the difference between a truck load a bowling balls and a truckload of babies?

A: You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.
 
N

n00b head

The pron storer
115
0
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Whats the difference between fish fingers and chocolate fingers?
About 4 inches

and since Jarililith has gotten started on baby jokes here's a few of my favourites

Whats the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a ferrari in my garage

Whats worse than 10 babies in a bin?
1 baby in 10 bins

What has 4 legs and an arm?
A Rottweiler in a nursery

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them
 
D

durtytoothbrush

no piggy no!!!
155
0
0
This woman is starting to get up there age-wise and decides she wants to get a lift "down there". So she goes in to consult with her doctor who says it's great and they will do it for her. She is very direct in saying that she doesn't want anyone to know about it.
So she goes through the surgery and when she wakes up there are 3 bouquets of flowers in her room. She gets really pissed off because the doctor wasn't supposed to tell anybody. When the doctor comes into the room she immediately jumps on him asking who sent the flowers.
He replies:
"THe first boquet is from me because I think that you are really brave for going through this procedure..."
"The second is from my assistant because he really admires you and your bravery..."
"The third is from the patient downstairs, he'd like to thank you for his new ears"
 
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