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Need some advice/opinions..

Thick

Hoodrat
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#1
Ok, so here's the situation...

I met this girl roughly 4 months ago. We get along GREAT. I'm comfortable with her and vice versa. She's very passionate, giving, and hell, an all around great girl.

Here's the problem.

She is UUBER busy. The most we get to see each other is MAYBE on the weekends for a few hours, if that. You see, she has this problem with saying no to her family. She is constantly at their beck and call. (There's alot of negative history with her family, but I won't go into that.) Basically she can't say no because she feels guilty if she does (her giving nature). Now I totally understand that you need to be there for your family. I have NO problems with that, all for it. But when your own MOTHER wants you to chaperone her on a blind date??? WTF. (It's dumb shit like that I'm talking about.)


Now some of you are probably thinking "she's seein' another guy" or "she's just putting him off, coming up with excuses." It's a possibility I recognize but refuse to accept. All she would have to do to get rid of me is to say the words, and that would be it. She hasn't. In fact she's said I'm one of the few things that bring a smile to her face these days. So I can't believe either of the past scenarios could be accurate.

My question to you all is this. I want to have some kind of relationship with this girl, may it be long term or short term, whatever. I care for her deeply. But in order to develop anything with her, I need more time with her. She says she's going to try to start declining her family's "lesser/retarded" requests for her time and actually start to try enjoying things she wants to do, which incidentally, include being with me. This has NOT begun. Not close. I know I can't tell her what to do in regards to her family, but how LONG SHOULD I WAIT? How long would you people wait to see a change if you were in a similar situation?
 

Dave666

Pot-Head
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#2
Have you talked to her about it? If not say what you just posted, and she will either change or get a little angry. She sounds like she likes you, and obviously you like her back. If you don't try to talk to her she will never know there is a problem, I found that out the hard way. Good luck
 
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#3
Perhaps you could ask her to set aside one day where she has to spend the entire day with you and ignore her family's stupid requests. Then spoil her; like......take her to dinner, a concert, an amusement park, a massage, a fancy hotel, or whatever she's into. Maybe that would help her see what she's missing out on. Talk to her.

Good luck.
 

Hater808

The hate still Shapes me
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#4
I like the advice given by both the previous posts. This is the thing, two things can happen when you try to change someones life. Essentially thats what you are doing. She will either love you for it, or never change. Problem with her loving you for it, when things get bad you are the one to blame. Past all that I think you should do what in your heart but have a plan. With a plan you can change her permenetly. People WILL make time for those they care about, no matter how busy they proclaim to be. So I agree spoil her, and have a plan so its not just a one time thing. Have fun and be happy, otherwise life really isn't worth living.
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
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#5
I think you need to let your maturity...mature? Trust me, at some point in your life you're gong to enjoy this quiet time. If not just relaxing and gehtting a grip, at least you'll be letting her geht on with the life she has. If you seem too interested, you'll be turning her off and fucking yourself. Literally.

Give it a minute boy. If she's into ewe, she'll make time for you as well. Just don't expect someone to stop taking a shit because you need to dump. Chill, your time will come.....then you'll be like; "Leave me alone, dammit!"
 

Bitch

Evil Fluffy says: I PEE IN YOUR SHOES!
Premium
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#6
Hmm this sounds more like a problem on her side and it's not about making time for you. She likes you. I think that she was being honest when she said she is happy when she sees you. The problem is...how bad is her history? It's extremely normal for someone who has been either physically or emotionally abused or used by their family to not leave them. Even for stupid stuff like escorting her mother on a blind date. It's the insecurity of her family that makes her feel guilty. She feels it's her job to make things better at home even if it almost never brings her any sort of satisfaction. If she leaves, it's almost like she feels she'll either miss the one good thing in the family life, or she'll have to be there to make sure nothing goes wrong. She's afraid of disappointing the family in some way. It'll be just as hard for her to leave when it comes time to making a life of her own. Eventually she may get the idea it's OK to leave and set her own boundaries but it's going to be hard.

I know people who have had troubled pasts and it almost always is like this. The reasons I gave above aren't always the reasons either, everyone is different, but they are the most common. I too have a problem with telling my mother certain things about me that I should keep to myself. I am a grown woman now and she no longer is in charge of me. However, I too had a troubled past with her. I think I can understand what your gf is going through.

If this is what your gf is going through, then she needs patience. It's OK to push her a little and remind her that it's OK to say no to her family and do something for herself for a change but she needs your love and patience. If this doesn't describe what she's going through, then I hope she does figure out what she wants and is willing to put you before whatever is keeping her from seeing you more often.
 

TwisT

Hooked on Rocks!
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#7
Thick said:
She is UUBER busy. The most we get to see each other is MAYBE on the weekends for a few hours, if that. You see, she has this problem with saying no to her family. She is constantly at their beck and call.
Short answer!

If she was UUBER-into you she would make time! When you really like someone Im talkin head over heels, you can't wait to see them and set aside the time for them!
 

Thick

Hoodrat
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#8
Well here's the story folks,

I didn't receive a phone call the whole weekend, even though she said she would. So, I may be a bit slow, but I know when someone's not that interested.

I appreciate all of your answers and opinions. After reading them, it's pretty apparent that although she may "like me" she's not that "into me" which is fine, to each their own. :rolleyes:

Besides, had a great date over the weekend, and maybe something will come of that. :D

Oh, and an FYI, this previous girl did have alot of history with her family. Abusive and very much leaving her to take care of her siblings. She basically had to start being mom in her teens, so that should explain alot right there.

So, I'm going to give her her space, let her call me, I'm not going to bother calling her since it's a waste of time and see what happens with this new girl.

After all, there's always more fish in the sea right?

How about you folks? Have any real bad let downs in your time?