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Never play Descent II with a Joystick. *PLACE BETS FOR CARPEL TUNNEL SYNDROME*

READ my post, then place bets.

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  • Total voters
    11

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
157
#1
I never knew this much fun could be so inhumanely painful.

After 10 years of Descenting, I finally played it with a REAL joystick for the first time. No two button shit. I was as good with the keyboard as good joystick players are with the joystick. And THAT is a rare feat.

This hurts so bad it's unexplainable. Here's an example of what I do every 30 seconds:

-Move throttle from 100% to 0%, to move my ship forward and backward. 50% is the "Standing Still" line.

Repeat about 30 times in heavy combat, perhaps 5-10 while flying regular.

-Move the HAT switch every which way to yaw (slide) my ship, to avoid fire. Repeat 20 times in heavy combat.

-Press button 1 to fire my cannons roughly 15 times.

-Press button 2 to fire missles five times.

-Press button 3 for the Afterburners twice, that is if I have the Afterburner powerup...

-Press button 4 about 10 times to fire flares so I can see where I am going in the dark ass fucking mine.

-Press button 5 about three times to bank my ship so I am aligned with the floor of the mine. Easier flying.

-Press button 7 rarely to switch between cannons

-Press button 6 intermittently to switch between missles

-Rinse, repeat

Thank God for adrenaline, I would have not been able to play, my pain was numbed.

As of now, my ring and pinky finger on my right hand can't move without pain. But it is getting better.

Overall, it was worth it. I had the worst run of my life - I beat Level 2 with 12 shield remaining (I usually push 190-200) and I ran out of ship energy TWICE, and had to switch to my Vulcan Chaingun to get anything killed. My ship could still move, but I could only fire flares slower than usual and use the Vulcan/Guass cannons.

Oh, and it took me 81 seconds to get the hostages and reach the emergency exit in Level 2 after I blew the reactor. That's 9 seconds left before I would be burned toast.

Usually, it takes me 15 to get out.

But damn, I'm going to keep doing this. It's a much more immersive experience with a joystick.

By 2010 my hand will fall off. You can place bets now if you want.


EDIT: I forgot to tell you my joystick is a Logitech Wingman Extreme Digital 3D, and the throttle is working better now! I love it. It's a really nice pice, it just rips your hands up for arcade shooters. Comanche 4, on the other hand, is pain free.
 

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
157
#2
AAAAAHHHHH! I did it again and now I think I am going to cry...

I should make a Middle Eastern Torture Method flash video out of this.
 
#3
I don't really play any computer games so I can only talk about the first Mario Party game on N64. There was one mini game where you had to use your palm to swirl the toggle in cirles really fast. Oh yeah! It was the one where you had to fish for coins. You would cast out the line and then swirl real fast to bring the line in.
That shit left the worst blister I've ever had.
I read an article in the paper a few months after that game came out that told about how hundreds of people were complaining about the game because of this. I think they were gonna give free padded gloves or something to people who bought the game. I don't know if they ever went through with that though.
 

dookie

OMGWTFBBQ!!1!
724
0
16
#5
after reading your post i have the following things to say
  1. perhaps 19th century typists experienced similar complications
  2. the only other type of person to experience such pain would be a camping freak who constantly plays with his Victorinox too much
  3. not only is your joystick covered in sweat residue, it also has been moulded into the shape of your hand
  4. finally, isn't that game a little bit outdated? i remember playing descent 1 probably just after doom 2 was released (october 10, 1994)