WTF ... IS WTF!?
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new jokes

DIZNUTS

Ñúñ'§ þêG £ègGéÐ /\/\å±ëý
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#1
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

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Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

"Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."

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Questions not to ask in foreign lands:
IRELAND
“Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk?
This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?”

FRANCE
“Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that?
Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?”

ITALY
“Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus?
I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ”

POLAND
“Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?”

GERMANY
“Is this bratwurst kosher?”

TURKEY
“Where’s the hash at?
It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?”

KOREA
“Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”

CHINA
“This wall isn’t so great.”

ENGLAND
“Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?”

SWEDEN
“Do you have any normal meatballs?
Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”

YEMEN
“Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean -- ‘Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?”

INDIA
“You don’t live in teepees?
Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?”

ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!”

CANADA
“You’re like Americans without money.”

SPAIN
“So, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow.
Your women can shave if they want to, right?
Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?”

SOUTH AFRICA
“I liked it better the other way.”

MEXICO
“What's that smell?”

SAUDI ARABIA
“Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car?
Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?”

RUSSIA
“Is it always this cold and economically devastated?”

UZBEKISTAN
“Can you spell Uzbekistan?”

GREECE
“I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."

AFGHANISTAN
“Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?”

JAPAN
“What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?”

AUSTRALIA
“How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?”

AMERICA
“Was John Wayne gay?”
 

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
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#2
DIZNUTS said:
ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!”
LMFAO... that is absolutely terrible. You should be ashamed of yourself. hahaha.
 

DIZNUTS

Ñúñ'§ þêG £ègGéÐ /\/\å±ëý
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#3
tbsrk said:
LMFAO... that is absolutely terrible. You should be ashamed of yourself. hahaha.
whats the best thing about an ethiopian blowjob?
you'll know she'll swallow
 

FUCKORBEFUCKED

Pissed off since birth
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#4
An old Arab who has lived close to New York City for more than 40 years would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak.

His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail:

"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help me and dig up the garden for me. I love you, your father."

The following day, the old man receives a response by e-mail from his son:
"Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed."

At 4 p.m. the U.S. Army, the Marines, the F.B.I., the C.I.A. and the Rangers visit the old man's house, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything.

Disappointed, they leave.

A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son.

Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."