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New Story

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#1
Lives go on, and dreams unfold. She sleeps beneath the surface, waiting. Her colossal form lies still, but the air crackles with energy. The time is coming closer. Her two counterparts also sleep, but their times of awakening are much closer. Silver scales gleam in the light from the river of lava next to the slumbering form.

In the frozen north, atop a mountain peak a massive being slumbers like his counterpart in the volcano. His black scales define his form against the snow and ice. His domain holds an air of calmness about it. His body is asleep, but his mind is alert, planning. His time is near, his instincts tell him, and he must be ready.

In the grasslands of the Wild East the third lies half in slumber, half awake. It will awaken before he does, but it will not do anything until after he makes his move. It can feel the other two in the back of its mind just as they can feel it. Its tail twitches as its giant body starts to awaken. The time is very near.

Lives go on, and dreams unfold.
 

Easty

Click click boom
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#2
Nice use of words to describe scenery and the world as it unfolds. My only thing is in the middle when you describe the black scaled beast against the white snow and ice, you keep using the word "his" over and over. Try to connect his traits into a slightly longer sentence.

8/10 IMO
 
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#3
Eastside said:
Nice use of words to describe scenery and the world as it unfolds. My only thing is in the middle when you describe the black scaled beast against the white snow and ice, you keep using the word "his" over and over. Try to connect his traits into a slightly longer sentence.

8/10 IMO
Hmmm. . .I'll have to think on that one. Not really sure how I'd do it. More of this story to come.
 

Jack

Personable
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#4
I need more of that! I happen to like the repetition of "his" in the second paragraph. Truly good.
 
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#5
Part II (for lack of better name, it's the same story, tho)

Drusilia watched as her companions set up camp. The fire gave no protection from the icy winds, but that mattered not at all to the elf queen. If her guardians felt the cold they gave no sign, but the chances were slim they felt it at all. Like their queen they are of a sturdy race, born of the ice, and raised in wintry climates. Teadrin, her husband and champion, stood several feet away from the fire, overseeing the operation and giving an order now and then. He would make sure everything was comfortable for the Jewel of the Nilans.

Once that was done watches were set. There was a time when such a thing need not have been done, but these were dangerous times, especially for the queen. Humans and other, more deadly creatures, had been sent for her blood. They were merely pawns, however, paid by the Dark Wizards to do their dirty work. Still, Queen Drusilia knew that harder times were yet to come. The Prophecies of the Trinity were due to come true in the not too distant future.

Queen Drusilia tried to keep her mind away from such dark thoughts with little success. For the first time since she became queen she had no idea what to do. She knew the Dark Wizards wanted her dead because they believed she was a threat to the fruitition of the prophecies. She could only wish it were so. How could she be when she could not come up wth any sort of plan? She knew full well that Destiny was not to be stopped until after events were already in motion. But, how do you stop a god hellbent on destruction? The answer, she feared, was you don't.

The noble leader of the elves had proven herself time and time again as a brave commander in battle. Her people knew her to be the fiercest fighter in all the lands, ready to sacrifice herself for a comrade without a moment's hesitation. The entire population knew her to be the most powerful sorcerer alive. Yet, for all her power and strength she had just barely survived the first attempt on her life.

Teadrin had gone into a rage at the attempt. He immediately sent out hunting parties to catch the would-be assassin. Much to Teadrin's dismay, the man was never found. The king immediately insisted they were not safe in their forest anymore, and they must move to try and avoid a second attempt on Drusilia's life. NOw, they were always on the move. Teadrin considered no place safe enough for his love to live in peace once more. He knew Drusilia had not tranced since that night of the attempted murder. It pained him because he knew it was starting to take its toll on her, though no other could see that with how well she hid it.

Now, he stood by her side. His black eyes reflected the firelight as he kept alert for any sound that was out of the ordinary. "You need rest, Drusilia. You've done a good job so far of keeping the others from seeing how tired you are, but you haven't fooled me."

"I cannot sleep."

Teadrin looked at her closely. "This has to do with that night doesn't it?"

She nodded once. "I failed that night. I should have been able to sense him, but I didn't. I nearly deprived the people of the one person who can be of the most aid during the dark times that are approaching because I wasn't paying attention.In all my years of being alive I have never been so unaware of what was going on around me as I was that day, and it nearly cost me my life. If I hadn't heard him unsheath his dagger I would be dead."

Teadrin took her by the shoulders and looked deeply into her pale eyes, the sign of her power. "But you did hear him, and you did avoid the blade. That is all that matters. The people still have their leader, but that won't last much longer unless you get some rest. I found some Laerlin around when I was checking the perimeter. I'll get some to help you sleep."

She smiled slightly. "You always take such good care of me. All right, have it your way."

Teadrin brought her the herbs, and she fell asleep almost instantly. Teadrin stood over her with a small smile on his face. "I will take care of you, Drusilia. Don't worry."

At dawn Teadrin went to wake the queen. He frowned when he saw how colorless her skin looked. He knelt to shake her, and her head fell to one side as if there were no muscles holding it up anymore. Then he noticed that her chest was not moving at all. The roar of rage that tore from his throat brought the guards instantly. When they saw their queen dead their grief could be heard all across the land.

Leagues to the north, a black demon raised its head, eyes open and gaze directed south. It was time.