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Nike A Go Go II: Super Lollypop Dinosaur Midget Adventure Park! pt. 1

screwy

BIG BLACK DICKS
4,165
1
102
#1
Well, this is the long-feared sequel of Film Tycoon's abomination, NIke A Go Go. My excuse for the first one is salvia. Now, after the closing of FT, a spin-off-isg game is soon to surface... HOLLEWOOD TYCOON! I am writing this to make HT mad. I like making people mad.

NIKE A GO GO II:
SUPER LOLLYPOP DINOSAUR MIDGET ADVENTURE PARK!

'Twas a cold, brisk, fidegety morning when Glenn awoke from his sleep. The birds were singing to the tune of Sinatra, pecking the dead, maggoty bodies of world leaders past. Glenn stepped over Kim basinger's body with a grin plastered to his lipless mouth. He then muttered...

"That's life."

(Cue "That's Life" by Frank Sinatra)

The desert was endless. Stretching for eternity, the duneless sand forever unstirring. He had gotten out of hell... He had succeded in talking his way out of the deepest, coldest regions of the Inferno. But now, he regreted it. Only slightly... Only as subtly as Robert Redford did when he was cast as Batman in 1993. Only as subtly as...

Johnny Depp as Glenn
Angelica Houston as Nike
Jet Li as Zi-Ing-Ung
Jackie Chan as Bruce Leeman
DMX as OJ Simpson/Ashlee Simpson
Vin Diesel as Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachay
Ron Jeremy as Himself
John Rhys-Davies as the Clock
Orlando Bloom as Legoland Employee #1
Elijah Wood as Frito-Lay Inspector
Bob Saget as Zaire's Funniest Vegan Boycotts Host
Ben Affleck as Bob Saget
Jennifer Lopez as Ben Affleck
Bob Saget as a tree trunk

Bruce Leeman was tired. But the stolen Camaro with 700 pounds of heroin he was driving kept him awake. He had regrets, now that he thought of it. He never should've made that deal with Legoland. Twelve hudred thousand dollars, they said. He could finally open his own Jiu-Jit-Zu school with that kind of money...

He finally pulled into Legoland's parking lot a 9:43 a.m., wearing nothing but his soft, silk panties and a pair of jogging shorts. He approached the ticket booth, reciting the code-phrase over and ove in his head.

"She shells sea sells by the shea sore"

That was it.

The sun was overbearing, and Bruce had forgotten to apply the necessary amount of lemon juice on his body to stop those pesky alpha rays from making him want to buy Froot Loops. He already had twelve boxes, and was eagerly waiting for the moon cycle to change to Lucky Charms. He chuckled,

"They're after me lucky charms!"

That little leprechaun amused him.

"Sir, are going to buy a ticket?",
said the lisping voice of a pimply ticket master.

Now's the time.

He replied,
"She shells sea se-"

The sound of breaking glass was heard. Zi-Ing-Ung, followed by seventeen ninjas... Shoot.

***

Glenn liked potato salad. As he sat in the grimy roadside diner just on the outskirts of Heaven, he thought of his mission. His purpose. He had promised that he would talk God into letting bulldogs legally play cribbage.

Damn.

God, he had heard, was a nice fellow. He liked to organise bake sales and pet monkeys.

But he hated only two things;

Bulldogs and cribbage.

Satan (or Eugene, to his close friends), on the other hand, loved bulldogs. All these shennanigans started when Eugene wanted to play cribbage with his bulldog friends. God got irritated but accepted, as long as no one smoked or made gratuitous Indiana Jones references. Well Eugene got a little wasted and was rambling on and on about how Indiana Jones (not released then, as the earth was only starting to take shape) should be made into a CBS mini-series. God, outraged at this point, smited Eugene and damned him to a cold, lonely place, which later got really hot to accomodate the pain and suffering of countless sinners.

So God, really pissed off at the time, decided to make a 23rd commandment...

NO BULLDOG SHALST PLAY CRIBBAGE!

And then Eugene got angered also, leading to what we now call "demonic possession".

***

(Cue "Sweetest Sin" by Jessica Simpson)

Leeman just stood there, frozen by surprise.

"What is he doing here... He was only to come at 10:06...",

he thought, all the whilst recurrently wiping the sweat off his forehead. This wasn't logical... Ninjas... Only once before had he seen Zi-Ing-Ung with ninjas... And since then it spawned "Desperate Housewives". He shuddered. What would happen now? A "The Waltons" reunion?

He would have to fight them.

Out of his garter belt he removed a pack of razorblades and a roll of duct-tape. As the ninjas approached slowly, he fastened the razorblades to his knuckles.

Duct-tape is omnipotent.

He channelled his inner strength and breathed deeply...

"It's showtime, ninja scum."

***

Glenn finished his potato salad. The waitress, who looked like a runaway thirteen-year-old with a gameshow-host sidekick for head asked if he wanted more coffe. He politely declined. He needed none.

His anger and that Red Bull(R) he had earlier would keep him awake.

***

Leeman attacked first, his fists in front of him as far as his arms could extend, a look of determined fear making his already stunning eyes more of an illusion than two ocular globes.

The fists flied.

(Cue "Hokey Pokey Hip Hop" by Soroca & Allocca)

Strangely enough, the ninjas just stayed there, as Leeman approached with eerie Streinsang-ish speed. Zi-Ing-Ung leapt aback, as not to dirty his little hands in this battle. His battle. But the ninjas just stood there, forming a seaming wall around their commander. Leeman attacked hard.

His left fist slicing the first ninja's stomach wall, finally causing the said individual's gastric fluids to seep out, a soft splash heard in the midst of the said silent battle.

The ninjas attacked.

They crowded around him, in an unbroken circle. He had a plan.

He stood instantly still, again tapping into his inner power. He had it. He reached it....

Time suddenly stood still for Bruce. Everything around him freezed. Holy Barbara Walters...

It worked.

***

Glenn slowly stood up, pushing his chair in gently. It had to be done. He had to face the one man, thing, whatever that he feared. He was not afraid of Eugene. Not in a million years would he buy into those poorly planned threats. He wasn't doing this for anyone but himself.

Yes, he was goin to try and convince God to let bulldogs have the right to play any card game their coagulatory hearts desired, but he was also there to convince himself of something. he needed to see if God was really up to all the hype. If he was as "omnipotent" as they said. Omnipotent to the point of, say, duct-tape?

He needed to know.

***

Something was wrong. Something moved out of Bruce Leeman's peripherial vision. He turned around.

This couldn't be possible...

Zi-Ing-Ung spoke. But... But his lips weren't in sync with the english language... That could only mean one thing.

He was a cyborg.

Leeman ran. He ran! He ran! Oh baby when he proves, he proves...

***

Twelve days had passed since Glenn had the baby.
**********************************************************

To be continued...
 

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
157
#2
HAHAHA!

Oh my god...that is so random.

That is one of the weirdest, funniest stories I have ever heard. I commend you.
 

screwy

BIG BLACK DICKS
4,165
1
102
#5
Maybe posting on this thread isn't such a good idea. All those who have replied are now asshattedly banned. But thanks for the comment anyways. Now knowing that IT WILL LEAD YOU TO YOUR DEMISE!