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No Evil Oil

Discussion in 'Brain Droppings' started by turtlehead, Jun 11, 2009.

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  1. turtlehead

    turtlehead Relocated Bishop

    So the other night I'm putting my pant back on, I turn off the computer and I begin to watch some tv. There is this television preacher man telling me about some No Evil Oil that he prayed over for 17 friggin days! And he is selling little viles of it so you anoint yourself and be healed. True story.

    So I use the interwebs to search for this guy and this oil. His website looks like Mickey Mouse did his branding. If you go, tell me that is not Disney font.

    So I wonder if I should send in an e-prayer request. Something that I need help with.

    "Dear Danny Davis Ministries,

    Thank you for praying over my No Evil Oil for 17 days.

    Question. If I use this No Evil Oil to masturbate to gay porn, will it:

    A. Hide my ejaculatory glee from God so that he cannot see my sin?


    B. Make my penis burn and cause me to have a conditioned response to gay porn. ( It already burns a little bit anyway so I'm going to need more, please. )

    Thank you for your time and consideration."

    He also told this lady that he was going to slap her and make her deaf ear open up. She gave him one of those "Shaniqua be all like.." looks, but he popped her anyway. It was hilarious!

    Share your funny stories, not the ones with the real preachers that really heal.
  2. RebelBuddha

    RebelBuddha Rey de Currumpaw

  3. Shamiqua

    Shamiqua WTF's Village Bicycle

    I agree on the disney font, and just for kicks, I sent this email to them... If I get a response I'll post it.

    Dear Danny Davis Ministries,

    I have some questions about your No Evil Oil. I use oils frequently in my massage practice, and I was wondering if this oil would be okay to use during massage sessions. I am frequently hit on by my clients, and I am hoping that the oil can sooth my clients libido's long enough to enjoy a pure and relaxing massage. I am a married woman, and the attention from these clients can be embarassing. Most of my male clients get an erection while I am preforming some of the more intimate massage techniques, and I am desperately seeking some way to avoid the embarassment of the occasional accidental "discharge" that does happen.

    I have gone so far to ask some of my clients to "release" their pent up sexual energy before coming to our sessions, but even that does not deter some of the more "appreciative" clients I have.

    There is one client in particular that I am interested in using your oil with. I have a sneaking suspicion that he ejaculates on purpose during our sessions. He has told me before that he finds me very attractive and during our sessions he has talked about some very inappropriate things that make me uncomfortable. I have always been hyper-aware of my large chest, but most of my clients simply glance and quickly look away. This particular client has asked me before to massage his "you-know-what" with my breasts. I' have tried to stop his advances, but my boss doesn't want me to lose any clients in this tough economy.

    Please let me know if your oil can help me!

    Thank you,

    Sharon McRotch
  4. turtlehead

    turtlehead Relocated Bishop


    This guy's angle seems like a bet.
  5. MaxPower

    MaxPower You're my number two Staff

    Is it just me or does this guy look redneck enough to be a professional wrestling, NASCAR driver?
  6. turtlehead

    turtlehead Relocated Bishop


    I watched him for about 10mins. He told the lady with the deaf ear, that he slapped..."How would I know this? You don't know me. You didn't fill out a prayer card." But as he said it, he was rocking back, like one would if he were about to punch another person. It was so strange. And then, well, he did slap her on the ear.

    I guess he is giving the oil away, so I need to correct that. Would hate for that to keep someone from getting some oil.
  7. eyeknow

    eyeknow Well-Known Member

    Fixed :D

    If it actually works i have a relative who would burst into flames lookin at the package ;)
  8. turtlehead

    turtlehead Relocated Bishop

    I wonder if he has children. I need more information. And he has not returned my prayer request, nor has the burning ceased.

  9. Farceur

    Farceur Philosophy Nazi Premium

    You even quoted that biography in your post.

  10. Darklight

    Darklight Oppressing your posts...

    I was gonna say.. he looks like Minister Larry the cable guy...
  11. dustinzgirl

    dustinzgirl Banned - What an Asshat!

    Ya best back up off the NASCAR there Max.

    And, I really don't get what the point is, and 17 days of prayer isn't going to matter any at all, so that just shows how dumb people are.
  12. kkillar

    kkillar Flame Bait

    I thought of anything..

    Name: Will smith
    Email : willsmith@suckfatdick.com

    "WelLz My Reqwest Is 2 St0p Wasting moNey on Sum GAY ass Noevil oil wen all it iz is water with food coloring.. the testominals is so fake this is so gay please kill urself ASAP!!
    im watching this gay shit now and i want to kill my self no evil oil? wats next "NO AIDZ OIL" "DONT EVA GET AIDS!!" or "lEVEL 50 wORLD uF wORcRAFT l3VEL OILZ" TAT WULD b EP1C LULZ"
  13. sofatyrant

    sofatyrant A true pillow sofa



  14. Avidity

    Avidity Definitaly not an illuminati agent. Move along.

    I bet it couldn't cure .
  15. eyeknow

    eyeknow Well-Known Member

  16. Zer0.MediA

    Zer0.MediA Flame Bait

    I had never seen that guy until just tonight... The reason I'm here is because I googled his name out of curiosity, and to be honest, I really loved his 30 minute "infomercial" spot. He's so much more entertaining than Peter Popoff, IMO. I called his number and hope to be using his "No evil oil" soon... In ways that you suggest.

  17. Taylor_Blade

    Taylor_Blade Lost Soul

    While I'll give you points for at least adding an additional thought to the thread that isn't a major annoyance. Necro-posting is frowned upon here, please make sure you're looking at the dates on threads before posting in the future. Bring threads back from the grave should be done only when unavoidable due to an awesomely irresistible addition to the content.

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