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Nunzio's Rules For Having Sex

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Nunzii

®åvïñg §hëêþðhò£íç
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#1
Oral Sex:
1: If you wish to speak while fellating me, you MUST raise your free =
hand and wait to be called upon. Failure to do so may result in a =
series of cock slaps to the lips and or tongue. Extreme cases where =
extreme disciplinary action may result in extra gagging.

2: If you freak out as soon as i pinch your nostrils together and start =
pushing down on the back of your head, I will just do it longer. Don't =
bother with struggling. Whos the stronger one here? Better yet, whos on =
their knees? Leverage........

3: DO NOT try to make a 4 minute blowjob seem like it was an hour long. =
I'm not stupid, and I timed it.

4: If your teeth start getting in the way....I WILL just grab your =
ponytail/hair and make you gag. It has guarunteed results, and it =
doesnt hurt me in the least. Do yourself a favor and don't deprive =
yourself of air you could have been breathing. If your jaw is tired, boo =
hoo. Sounds like a personal problem to me. Try a muscle relaxer next =
time.

5: Swallow. I have better stuff to do than have a spare styrofoam cup =
in my room because you are not woman enough. Its got as much protein as =
a porterhouse steak, without the cholesterol. Im doing YOU a favor.

6. Ladies first! You just won a free hot dog. If you eat it properly =
you MAY be graced with cunnilingus.=20

7. I KNOW you didn't want me to cum in your mouth/on your face. Thats =
sort of why I did it...

8. If for some reason you stop sucking without permission, bad things =
will happen. I really dont care if one corner of thebedspread came =
loose, I dont care if you think you heard the phone ring, and now is =
REALLY not the time to complain about some random bad experience you had =
at work today. Just suck, and I might listen to your useless whining =
and banter afterwards.



Regular Intercourse and women in general:

1. I really couldn't give less of a fuck about lingerie/ Just take your =
goddam clothes off, suck my cock, fuck me real good.

2. DO NOT ask me what I am thinking about afterwards. Its obvious I want =
to go to sleep, or go do something else thats actually fun.

3. Don't cuddle too close. Contrary to popular belief, Gods need air =
too. I also don't appreciate waking up and having my arm numb and =
without any feeling for the next week because you "wanted to feel =
close".

4.I don't care if it hurts. Get a bigger pussy.....or stretch it.....or =
get the FUCK out of my bed.

5. Claiming that one position "hurts less" than another position, just =
so I will have to use YOUR lame position is a sorry and invalid excuse.

6. No, I dont want any of your fucking menthol cigarettes.

7. I dont even want them to "feel closer". If I smoke a camel, and you =
smoke a menthol..........how the FUCK does it make you "closer" or =
farther"?

8.Dont make that rediculously retardedmoan that sounds like youre =
crying. If I wanted to hear that god awful noise, I would hit you.

9. Shave. I don't like picking hair out of my teeth, its not fun to =
have in my mouth, and we have some WONDERFUL technology these days, =
like: Nair, Waxing, Gillete razors "for women" and IGEA clear.
 
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#2
ok you shave first, then ummm maybe one day you shall get a blow job! and if you think by giving any rules you'll get any, think again son! in every cercumstance, women have the upper hand when it cums to sex! yes men have it in income/money, BUT women give and have control when it cums to sex! so keep dreaming little dream weaver. one day maybe, you'll get to feel superior in the bedroom, but thats only after your a good boy and can listen to our rules! then and only then, you shall get what you want! went you can give heart stopping, pillow grabbing, toes curling, cry to god, kind of oral sex yourself can you acheive your goal!
 

DIZNUTS

Ñúñ'§ þêG £ègGéÐ /\/\å±ëý
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#3
:rotflmao: at Nunzio....repped :thumbsup:



Nymphchick said:
ok you shave first, then ummm maybe one day you shall get a blow job! and if you think by giving any rules you'll get any, think again son! in every cercumstance, women have the upper hand when it cums to sex! yes men have it in income/money, BUT women give and have control when it cums to sex! so keep dreaming little dream weaver. one day maybe, you'll get to feel superior in the bedroom, but thats only after your a good boy and can listen to our rules! then and only then, you shall get what you want! went you can give heart stopping, pillow grabbing, toes curling, cry to god, kind of oral sex yourself can you acheive your goal!
Nymph some guys(me) can have CONTROL.....its just the first time you do a very very good job(amazing orgasms...make a girl squirt etc.) and they want it.....then if i didn't like it im like "nah im cool" and they are stunned......girls can't take rejection......but in the general rule you are right..girls got sex power over guys.....but if im in a relation ship and my gf will be like "do this or that for sex" i'll be like fuck that ima go get it on the side.....
 

UberSkippy

a.k.a. FuckTheBullShit
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#7
Oh let's face it Nunz... the only rules any man has when it comes to sex are these:

1. If she says yes WOOHOO!
2. If she says no beg.
 

bnccoder

Postaholic
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#8
3. If she says "Throw me down and fuck me." Make her so sore the next morning that she can't walk.
 

RageAgainst

Chaotic Neutral
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#13
Funny shit.

I said no to a chick a while ago just to proove a point (long story). It actually felt good to stay with my buddies and get drunk instead of giving her what she was so sure she was gonna get.
 

Brain Spout

Wizard No More
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#14
moderately funny, too much effort in my opinion. id also like to point out that nunzio here is 15 so chances are he hasnt had a chance to use these rules yet.
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#18
/me thinks only about 10 percent of the people on this forum have any idea what nunzio is talking about, and only about 5 percent have ever tried it. The rest of you kids, are blowing smoke out of your bungholes.
 

TwisT

Hooked on Rocks!
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#20
RageAgainst said:
I said no to a chick a while ago just to proove a point (long story). It actually felt good to stay with my buddies and get drunk instead of giving her what she was so sure she was gonna get.
Yea Bitch!!!! NO DICK FOR YOU!!
 
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