I obsess over my own death constantly until my will to live is non-existent. I have no kids or family and one day I woke up and now am on the wrong side of 40. Thinking about your own death is paralyzing when you think about it enough. I have no friends and no life so this is really working out great. My job as an overnight bridge troll/vampire is making this worse I have not a clue but I hate people and panic under stressful jobs. Some days all I can think about is killing myself. my life has become and endless whirlpool of despair. FML. So healthy sure. depressed and worthless hooray me. Drugs don't help and just induce nasty side effects. cursed . bad karma or some fucking thing is all I can come up with. dreams are only darkness or trapped in a tight place or getting crushed by a heavy weight or panic from some terrible experience ? a previous life ? cursed I say just cursed. another fucking day. goddamm you life. fuck everything. Bittercunt I have become.