WTF ... IS WTF!?
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obsessed ??

I obsess over my own death constantly until my will to live is non-existent. I have no kids or family and one day I woke up and now am on the wrong side of 40. Thinking about your own death is paralyzing when you think about it enough. I have no friends and no life so this is really working out great. My job as an overnight bridge troll/vampire is making this worse I have not a clue but I hate people and panic under stressful jobs. Some days all I can think about is killing myself. my life has become and endless whirlpool of despair. FML. So healthy sure. depressed and worthless hooray me. Drugs don't help and just induce nasty side effects. cursed . bad karma or some fucking thing is all I can come up with. dreams are only darkness or trapped in a tight place or getting crushed by a heavy weight or panic from some terrible experience ? a previous life ? cursed I say just cursed. another fucking day. goddamm you life. fuck everything. Bittercunt I have become.
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I fear not that which I cannot know. Death is just as mysterious as any distant galaxy or dimension. Or what any one person may or may not be thinking. The very worst thing I can do is to allow myself to be trapped in my own mind - paralyzed in deep thought. The thoughts that focus on the void. That great thing missing in your mind. The void that brings great sorrow, feelings of loss, loneliness. Dark, deep and alone. You think about these ugly things that keep the mind writhing in a forever worthless emptiness.

It is so easy to fall. The more you think about the fall the more the pain burns its way over your entire existence. Dark clouds overhead again. Storm clouds only form if the conditions are allowed for it to happen. If you focus on the dark things in life, the negative, you will have them. I know this sounds silly, but it is true. If you can find something you that hurts so much, you can find something of the opposite value. You only have you want it, focus, and look for it.

Death waits for us all. Do it and you may find that you could suffer a billion deaths daily in Hades for all of time. You could be reborn as a sixteenth century Chinese girl who is physically abused most of her life until she ends it with her own hand. Or you could be thrust into another dimension and you are a small mountain side bush that grows penises only in the late winter. Or your soul just only hovers over your lifeless body and you get to stare at it until it is broken down into molecules. Or nothing at all happens, you are alone in the void forever trapped in your thoughts.

Stick your dick in someone a few times. It tends to change a motherfucker.
That's the solution? stick your gluestick in some hole a few times. Tried that many years ago. Catastrophic failure ensued.
Death's not a mystery; the humankind always tried to avoid conceptualizing this because it was hard to think of (Wow, all this life, and nothing after...). Omit life, accept death, think about how others life's so beautifuln then hang you up, that's all I see and always saw as solution :(.