WTF ... IS WTF!?
We are a collective of people who believe in freedom of speech, the rights of individuals, and free pancakes! We share our lives, struggles, frustrations, successes, joys, and prescribe to our own special brand of humor and insanity. If you are looking for a great place to hang out, make new friends, find new nemeses, and just be yourself, WTF.com is your new home.

Ok Had to 'Cause it Made me Laugh

BklynCannonball

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#1
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)


2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)


4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)


5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)


6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)


7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)

And my personal favorite:


8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
 
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#2
:rofl: Some of the best jokes I've ever heard! Repped. :thumbsup:
 

ChilianFuckFace

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#4
Those are old and immature jokes. Obviously woman's need the urge to make us men look small. In recent years woman have the same rights as guys. Not sure what the fuss is all about.
 

BklynCannonball

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#5
lol, you're so sensitive Chilian. Tell me you've heard the vapor lock joke 'cause I never have.
 

ChilianFuckFace

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#6
BklynCannonball said:
lol, you're so sensitive Chilian. Tell me you've heard the vapor lock joke 'cause I never have.
LOL. Not sensitive. Yes I have seen them all before, including the vapor lock. That one is funny, I must admit. The rest, are play out and just plain BORING. :D
 

BklynCannonball

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#7
That one was the only reason why I posted this. It made me laugh out loud. It wouldn't have worked on its own though.
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#9
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
 

ChilianFuckFace

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#10
void said:
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
PayBack baby!! Now you are going to get them all going here. GOOD JOB! :thumbsup: (repped)
 

BklynCannonball

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#11
Good try Void but there was nothing on that list as funny as the vapor lock.
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#12
BklynCannonball said:
Good try Void but there was nothing on that list as funny as the vapor lock.
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
really? or are you being 'sensitive' like you accused CFF of being? ;)

works both ways mate, you of all people should know that.. :p
 

BklynCannonball

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#13
Nah hon, not sensitive, I love a good joke.

Though the letting the dog in first was good. It's just the vapor lock added a visual to it. It was almost slap stick.
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#14
these are for CFF.. :p

Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
Because they’re ugly and they stink.


What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin’ you ain’t told the bitch twice already.


What do you call the useless skin around a pussy?
A woman.


Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair?
Because if they pulled them around by their feet,
they'd fill up with mud.


What's the best thing about getting a blow job?
The whole time she can't talk.


What's the difference between a girl and a toilet?
A toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you drop your load in it.


Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.


Why do women have arms?
Do you know how long it would take
to LICK a bathroom clean?


Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.


Why do women fake their orgasms?
Because they think we care.


How do you make love to an ugly woman?
Jerk off in your hand and throw it at her.


How do you blind a woman?
Put a windshield in front of her face.


What's the difference between your paycheck
and your dick?
You don't have to beg her to blow your paycheck.


There are only two things wrong with women:
1) Everything they say.
2) Everything they do.


All women are the same, but they have different faces
so you can tell them apart.


What are the two reasons that women don't mind their own goddamn business?
1) No mind. 2) No business.


Women are like guns... keep one around long enough
and you’re going to want to shoot it.


What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS,
half with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party.


What do you do when your woman comes
out of the kitchen to whine at you?
Make her chain shorter.


Why did the woman cross the road?
What the hell was that bitch doing out of the kitchen?


Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.


Why does the bride always wear white?
Because the dishwasher should match
the stove and refrigerator.


What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.


How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Call her on your cell phone and let her listen
to you fucking her mom.


Why don't women's guts fall out of their cunts?
Because of the vacuum in their heads.


Why do women need to be slightly smarter than cows?
So they won't shit on the floor when you pull on their tits.


What's the difference between a woman with PMS
and a pit bull?
Lipstick.




Why do women have foreheads when they
don't have brains?
So we have a place to kiss them after they suck our cocks.


What do fat chicks do in the summer?
Stink.


What's the difference between a menstruating woman
and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.



Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand seeing a man having a good time.


How can you tell a woman is wearing pantyhose?
When she farts, her legs swell up.



What is the difference between a drug dealer
and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.


Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
Ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?


Why do women sky-divers wear tampons?
So they don't whistle on the way down.


How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the bitch do the dishes in the dark.


Why are hurricanes named after women?
When they come its warm and wet...
when they go they take your house and car with them.


What's the most active muscle in a woman?
A penis.



How are fat chicks like mopeds?
They're both fun to ride till your friends find out.


Which part of a woman's body does she
enjoy being touched the most?
Who cares?



Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a "waist"?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits there.


Why do Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.


Why do women like intelligent men?
Opposites attract.


What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.


What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
 

BklynCannonball

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#15
There goes Void again, feeling inferior and showing it by overcompensating. Honey, I posted 8 points, you did like 50. Is there something on your mind?

Edit: This is not a competition hon, I think you and Tiger's boyfriend should meet.
 

skully

GO BEARS!!!!
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#16
rofl!
:thumbsup: :D


You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to void again.
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#17
BklynCannonball said:
There goes Void again, feeling inferior and showing it by overcompensating. Honey, I posted 8 points, you did like 50. Is there something on your mind?
i'm just having fun.. :)

i like jokes.. :)

i'm being happy, why take that away? :(
 

ChilianFuckFace

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#18
Fucking awesome void!! I have read many of them before but others I hadn't. I had a fucking BLAST!! :thumbsup:

Poor girls, I see them crying. :D
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#19
ChilianFuckFace said:
Fucking awesome void!! I have read many of them before but others I hadn't. I had a fucking BLAST!! :thumbsup:

Poor girls, I see them crying. :D
the thing is.. girls always start this battle of the sexes and men always win, because we have so much more material on them..

no doubt bklyn will come back saying, "battle of the sexes?? i was just posting a few jokes??"
yeah sure, get back in the kitchen, did anyone give you permission to think?
 

BklynCannonball

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#20
You don't know me biatch!

The truth is boys always like the battle and girls like to laugh. That's the bottom line. Men turn everything into a competition. With that said, I will not let you trick me into having a pointless argument about nothing.

Goodday gentlemen.

hee hee hee vapor lock.