once upon a time...

damknowitall

anylitical bastard
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i am going create a book here and have everyone critique it for me.

ok
.CH#1........................

daniel was looking out across the lake. it was a cold morning and he was shivering slightly. it had been far to long since the last time that he had been warm in the mornings. in fact, it had been exactly three months and four days. he had counted every day. being alone he had nothing else to do. he looked around enjoying the only peaceful part of his life. the beutiful shimmerring rays of the sunrise. the mist disaappearing from over the water. SNAP! daniel spun around wildly, looked for cover, dived behind a rock, and peered out to survey the scene. a deer paced past towards the water. letting loose a sigh of relieif daniel slumped over the rock. he was high strung. what he needed was a month in a spa with free service. as he sat against the rock he noticed again how knotted his muscles were. sore from overwork. of course, mortal peril can do that to anyone. daniel had been running for a long time and it was working his nerves to extinction, not to mention the rest of him. then again, if he didnt run he would become extinct. so in his opinion this situation was far preferable. he looked up. the sun was over the peak of the mountain now...he'd better get going while he can. he needed to cover a lot of distance today. the farther he got today, the farther away he would be from his pursuers. who are thepursuers you may ask. they are nocturnal creatures, and they are not friendly. in fact during the times when daniel can get any sleep, his dreams arre plagued by the images of them. their pale leathery skin, their luminous eyes, and the lithe movements which betrayed their deadliness to their enemies.
to be continued.........
 

creep

skandalous allstar
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your moving the story along waaaay too fast dude. And don't ask questions to yourself/the reader, it sounds amateur. Also what the other dude said, grammer.

...how long do you want this to be?