I am a pessimist, people say. I never worried about it untill recently. My heart started to feel heavy and overall i started to feel shitty. Doctors say its some kind of heart related issues. They started asking me if i have any problems at home or if anything bothers me n stuff like that (maybe they think im crazy or unstable?). Anyway ive got no personal problems except that i worry too much about things, about life and all. Before i do something, no matter if im good at it or bad, im preparing to fail. I dont believe in sucess. Generally because when i start doing something believing that i will do good, i always end up screwing things over. When i have opposite motivation result is usually good. But it starting to kick me now in my chest. When alot of things are happening i cant concentrate on all of them (i suck at multi tasking), and it drives me nuts. A notion of failure always haunts me, i cant sleep. Not getting enough sleep ruins my day, after eating i feel like im going to puke, pain in the chest.... I get irritated by little things and im getting more pissed every day. Sometimes i just want everything to go to hell, screw the sucess, if it requires such sacrifices, then fuck with it. Its not worth it.