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poem here for opinions

damknowitall

anylitical bastard
65
0
0
#1
i want to see what people think of the teqnique i used in this poem. i am making it up right now, so well see how it goes.

Three people running out of the mall loaded down with pilfered merchandise, "if you cant beat them join them" they say as they point to a group of young men running away with an old ladies purse. An old woman steals some old guys electric wheelchair because someone just stole her conventional chair, a complete stranger sues the sidewalk for assault and battery when a small child falls off his bike. People are running in this mixed up place, where did the order go? And an old man in the alley stands, laughing, laughing at this world, at this insanity of sanity, at this new order that kills itself, and as the world sinks into the mire of its own mistakes he stands there laughing, for he and he alone sees through the muck, sees the deeper side of the lost values that some search for and few find. Forevermore, it seems, he hall stand laughing at this craziness that we call normalness. Perhaps his mirth may warn you to look. If wise you shall, for those who do not see shall sink into the mire with the rest, till the last when mankind awakes and finds that he has achieved nothing, and that all his great discoveries are gone, and all he sees is the naked truth of the reality of his plight, then, if you took heed, your laughter may join that of the man, or perhaps you take pity, listen and we shall see.
 
Y

Yugioh

Guest
#2
Want to see what people think of the technique I used in this poem. I am making it up right now, so well see how it goes.

Three people running out of the mall loaded down with pilfered merchandise, "if you cant beat them join them" they say as they point to a group of young men running away with an old ladies purse. An old woman steals some old guys electric wheelchair because someone just stole her conventional chair, a complete stranger sues the sidewalk for assault and battery when a small child falls off his bike. People are running in this mixed up place, where did the order go? And an old man in the alley stands, laughing, laughing at this world, at this insanity of sanity, at this new order that kills itself, and as the world sinks into the mire of its own mistakes he stands there laughing, for he and he alone sees through the muck, sees the deeper side of the lost values that some search for and few find. Forevermore, it seems, he hall stand laughing at this craziness that we call normalness. Perhaps his mirth may warn you to look. If wise you shall, for those who do not see shall sink into the mire with the rest, till the last when mankind awakes and finds that he has achieved nothing, and that all his great discoveries are gone, and all he sees is the naked truth of the reality of his plight, then, if you took heed, your laughter may join that of the man, or perhaps you take pity, listen and we shall see.

that is a spelling corrected version
 

blah

Tenderony
432
0
0
#4
Yugioh said:
Want to see what people think of the technique I used in this poem. I am making it up right now, so we'll see how it goes.

Three people running out of the mall loaded down with pilfered merchandise, "if you can't beat them join them" they say as they point to a group of young men running away with an old ladies purse. An old woman steals some old guy's electric wheelchair because someone just stole her conventional chair, a complete stranger sues the sidewalk for assault and battery when a small child falls off his bike. People are running in this mixed up place, where did the order go? And an old man in the alley stands, laughing, laughing at this world, at this insanity of sanity, at this new order that kills itself, and as the world sinks into the mire of its own mistakes he stands there laughing, for he and he alone sees through the muck, sees the deeper side of the lost values that some search for and few find. Forevermore, it seems, he shall stand laughing at this craziness that we call normalness. Perhaps his mirth may warn you to look. If wise you shall, for those who do not see shall sink into the mire with the rest, till the last when mankind awakes and finds that he has achieved nothing, and that all his great discoveries are gone, and all he sees is the naked truth of the reality of his plight, then, if you took heed, your laughter may join that of the man, or perhaps you take pity, listen and we shall see.

that is a spelling corrected version
Or is it ?