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Poem I wrote in math

Boycott

Soul Doubt
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#1
I wrote this in math because relating geometric sequences to compound interest gave me some interesting thoughts ... And I wrote a bassline yesterday and had it stuck in my head today, so I'm probably going to turn it into a song :thumbsup:

On this day the dead lay dead
Living die with words unsaid
Stabbing wounds, a murdered soul
Add lead content, A punctured skull

On this day the sun shines bright
through the day and through the night
It doesn't care much anymore
Allowing pain, allowing war

We look to you, Mr. Unknown
Your wounds are sealed,
Your skull is sewn.

We look to you in hope and trance
but when you come you stand no chance
our guns are cocked, but so are yours
Tsunamis, floods, infected whores

Bird flu, quakes and hurricanes,
for killing off all of our sane
I used to think, "How will it end?"
It is now too obvious to pretend.

^^ just a little bit ... not long because it's written in the margin of my paper, but it will still make a decent song -- Ideas or suggestions?
 

mmm...cheese

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#2
Your poem's message: dead are dead, future is unknown, hope for the best, is one of little or no significance. If your poem's points reflect your opinion, then you are in error. And here are a couple hints:

- Don't ruin your poem to make it rhyme. A POEM RHYMES DO NOT MAKE!
- Think about what your poem says, reflect, and shape it. (criticize your opinion)

There are many other flaws to your poem, and I have listed a couple of the major ones. But keep it up, never quit, and you just might find something worth doing!
 

Boycott

Soul Doubt
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#3
thanks cheese; note that it is written around a bassline to become a song...
 

void

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#4
well i fucking like it.. i also wrote a brazilian songs when i was in school, which is why i'm sooo clever now.. :(

i had a couple of things that i wouldn't do the same if it were mine, a few tenses, but the main thing is the word trance.. it seemed a gratuitous rhyme.. maybe if i read/said it a few more times it would fit though..

i liked that i couldn't guess what style of music you might go with, which means to me it's a very adaptable song, and the best ones are.. this could equally work as a HM screamer or a alt-folk ballad..

:thumbsup: good stuff..