Poet

[MrNewbie]

Tell me for improvements and what you think about it, please. Its a poet

When the wind blows
It whispers your name
On and on it goes
Never to be tamed

When the rain falls
Your face I see in every rain drop
A deep breath I draw
Wishing the rain will never stop


When the sun shines
I imagine the warmth of your touch
Wishing you were mine
And loving you so much


When the snow is all around
Thoughts of you keep me warm
Because in you I have found
A love never to be torn


Baby, in any weather
You are with me
In my heart we are together
The way it's meant to be

 

[_Kitana_]

Tell me for improvements and what you think about it, please. Its a poet

When the wind blows
It whispers your name
On and on it goes
Never to be tamed

When the rain falls
Your face I see in every rain drop
A deep breath I draw
Wishing the rain will never stop


When the sun shines
I imagine the warmth of your touch
Wishing you were mine
And loving you so much


When the snow is all around
Thoughts of you keep me warm
Because in you I have found
A love never to be torn


Baby, in any weather
You are with me
In my heart we are together
The way it's meant to be

Simple, Colorful, meaningful........why its not the best, it is well written and very well thought out and flows nice.

 

[Rush~]

That was just surface area crap. The theme is over played and doesn't sound original. Nothing is deep and it only requires half a second of thought to know what your getting at. It's repetitive.

Comon that was a 6th graders poem =(

 

[_Kitana_]

That was just surface area crap. The theme is over played and doesn't sound original. Nothing is deep and it only requires half a second of thought to know what your getting at. It's repetitive.

Comon that was a 6th graders poem =(

I provoked feeling and thought. Not everything has to be complex some of the best poetry is often layed out very simple. Think of E.A. Poe for a moment. Some of his writting and poetry.. was done in a very simple style and love can be seen in many ways.

 

[Rush~]

I provoked feeling and thought. Not everything has to be complex some of the best poetry is often layed out very simple. Think of E.A. Poe for a moment. Some of his writting and poetry.. was done in a very simple style and love can be seen in many ways.

Give me an exact example, that's my opinion so....... yeah thx.

Some starkly simple things are great and seemingly ingenious..Not this though, it was childish.

 

[dustinzgirl]

constructively, one could say that the poem was to well schemed.
you dont have to be an asshole about it rush.
It is a very nice poem, however, the rhyme scheme is too simple, lacks free form, it plays out far to easily.

*edit:*

 

[MrNewbie]

You have to consider that im from Sweden also and I am 15 years old also...

 

[dustinzgirl]

You have to consider that im from Sweden also and I am 15 years old also...

excuses, excuses

 

[MrNewbie]

excuses, excuses

*edited*

 

[dustinzgirl]

*edited*

ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[Duke Nukem]

criticism must be constructive, try again

 

[neckdemon]

You have to consider that im from Sweden also and I am 15 years old also...

well that explains it all.