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Poetry : )

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TylerYoung

Agitated Poster
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#1
I'm tired of my friends telling me I have good poems, not only are they biased but they are too nice to be realistic. So I'm coming here for some hard core critiquing. These are a few from my portfolio, I think I may have shared them before ... But I have a bad memory.


"Never Goodbye"

I wish you were a figment
Of my imagination so I could
Wipe you away with the tears,
If you were fake like
My smiles I would be smiling
A whole lot more,
Like a piercing moan in the
Night I need you
To fade away,
My veneration will always be unheard
But you're here to stay,
Like my pain

By: Tyler Young




"Emotional Element"

You left me with a void I fill with tears.
My own dark ocean of salt and water.
Pillows stained with midnight crying.
So my night is longer than my day.
Yet wishing stars drown with me.
In my own dark ocean of salt and water.

By: Tyler Young



"Leaning too hard"

Didn't carry you in my womb but I carried you by my side.
Couldn't stop you from crying but I let you cry on my lap.

No I would never hurt you.
No I would never make you scream.
No I would never try.
But no I can't do every damn little thing.
Hunger pains are out of my control.
I'm not God I can't do it all.

Don't blame me for your problems.
Don’t expect the world from me.
When I do come running.
Don’t make it look like I flee.

You have your own hope.
I doubt you need mine.
You should try and let yours grow.
Then I think you would be fine.
I won’t always be here.
And neither will you.
Maybe you should try.
Before there’s nothing you can do.

By: Tyler Young



"I Broke Your Pedestal"

Won’t look up to you
even if you need me to.

Won’t feed your ego with my love,
you comfort eater you.

Won’t pray until my knees bleed . . .
“I know that’s what you want.”

Won’t cry when you are gone . . .
“I prefer it like that anyway.”

Won’t even act like I know you . . .
“your not as omnipotent as you think.”

If you knew how rude you were
if you knew how crude you were
you’d spit on your own damn shoes.

Won’t force myself to care for me
so you know I won’t do it for you.

Won’t pretend you’re even a person
you don’t deserve to be treated like one
let alone like a God.
 

Smoke

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#2
Good, but shouldn't be in B&T. Should be moved to The Writer's block.
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#4
"I Broke Your Pedestal"

I like it is original. Very good.
However:
If you knew how rude you were
if you knew how crude you were
you’d spit on your own damn shoes.

Does break the poetic flow to late and makes it a very uneven poem. Until that point, it is great.

But,

You are a fucking idiot for not taking the fucking time to notice that we have a writing forum, where some people work very hard on their poetical abilities, and by posting this in here, it is kind of viewed as a slap to the writing forum. So I would ask the mods to move this and remove my statements. Thanks.
 

TylerYoung

Agitated Poster
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#5
dustinzgirl said:
"I Broke Your Pedestal"

I like it is original. Very good.
However:
If you knew how rude you were
if you knew how crude you were
you’d spit on your own damn shoes.

Does break the poetic flow to late and makes it a very uneven poem. Until that point, it is great.

But,

You are a fucking idiot for not taking the fucking time to notice that we have a writing forum, where some people work very hard on their poetical abilities, and by posting this in here, it is kind of viewed as a slap to the writing forum. So I would ask the mods to move this and remove my statements. Thanks.
I only go to bait and tackle, I dislike the writer cliques.
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
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737
387
#6
Tyler. Young and Dumb. Where ya been ya little fucker? This place hasn't been the same without our resident fudge packer around. You know how your boyfriend Johnny K is without you here. (bitchy)
 

TylerYoung

Agitated Poster
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#7
gehtfuct said:
Tyler. Young and Dumb. Where ya been ya little fucker? This place hasn't been the same without our resident fudge packer around. You know how your boyfriend Johnny K is without you here. (bitchy)
I make the yummiest fudge ... but I doubt that's what you meant.
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
178
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#8
TylerYoung said:
I make the yummiest fudge ... but I doubt that's what you meant.

did you say yummiest?

that was soooo cute!

and we dont consider ourselves a writer clique fucknut.

god i hope you geht beat up by a pack of wild gay men.
 

Smoke

Banned - What an Asshat!
2,583
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#9
Could a mod move this thread over to the writers block?
And thats gross tyler. :thumbsdn:
 

TylerYoung

Agitated Poster
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#11
dustinzgirl said:
did you say yummiest?

that was soooo cute!

and we dont consider ourselves a writer clique fucknut.

god i hope you geht beat up by a pack of wild gay men.
I only get beaten by one guy at a time thank you. ;)
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
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#12
You should re-introduce yourself,Tyler. There are many new mo'fuggers here that dont know who you are....really.
:cheerldr:<----
 

ODDDLY

West Coast Birth Life
506
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#14
He is an open gay? Interesting; maybe this is the kind of guy p99 needs to help him come out of the closet as well.
 

Smoke

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#15
Dogbert said:
He is an open gay? Interesting; maybe this is the kind of guy p99 needs to help him come out of the closet as well.
Or [sky] needs some help as well. :thumbsup:
 

shep

Local alcoholic
1,853
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#16
TylerYoung said:
I make the yummiest fudge ... but I doubt that's what you meant.

You doubt right .Lmao@ ghet.Hey doc you pickin on the youngin's again? :thumbsup:
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
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#17
shep said:
You doubt right .Lmao@ ghet.Hey doc you pickin on the youngin's again? :thumbsup:
Well,If he means fudge on a stick,then thats what I meant.
 

shep

Local alcoholic
1,853
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#18
ya i did'nt bother to read his other post's......Now i ghet ya.Im drinkin some beer's dude "don't pay attention to shep" :thumbsup:
 

Jung

???
Premium
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#19
smoke-it said:
And thats gross tyler. :thumbsdn:
Is it only gross, because it's different? I'm straight, but if we can make sexual references, I think he should be able to as well.
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
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#20
gehtfuct said:
You should re-introduce yourself,Tyler. There are many new mo'fuggers here that dont know who you are....really.
:cheerldr:<----


DO NOT ENCOURAGE THE BOY.


Tyler is an emberassment to the gay community. He is an emberassment to the straight community. Jesus christ, who give a fuck if you take it in the ass? Or get beaten off by men? I dont care. I just think you are a fucking attention whore. ooohhh look at me Im gaaaay as fucking peter pan.

I just cant stand the little shit ass. It has nothing to do with his sexuality, it is his attitude about it. Although that attitude has not shown since he came back, I still think he is a little bitch.
 
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