Thanks. Probably so. I like to think that my character runs to great depths. Funny thing is, no one ever asks._Kitana_ said:nice, didn't think you would be a poet...
If you had it published then maybe I did stumble upon it somewhere...
The rhyme scheme was very well thought out. I had to go back and reread it and look just to catch it cause it rhymed so smooth... that you didn't notice it just reading it. Good example here folks if you are looking at doing a more traditional rhyming poem…ron said:Thanks. Probably so. I like to think that my character runs to great depths. Funny thing is, no one ever asks.
The poem is also very dated, since it was written when the Cold War was proceeding full steam. I like the concept behind nuclear weapons, but their use as a deterrent is limited unless one has the nuggets to use them. There was a good Saturday Night Live skit about that.
I like to think so._Kitana_ said:Anyways...Yeah I could kind of tell it was a bit dated but it also holds somewhat true toda, that’s one of the reasons I was unsure if you wrote it, being as you have matured in your age. It didn't quite fit in with your character now as an adult.
Only here._Kitana_ said:Do you still write?
Not half bad...Unforgiven said:meh... wrote this a year ago.
I look back at things that were or could have been
My memory is blank, there is nothing to remember
Shadows cloud my thoughts, obscure my inner being
After all this, there is nothing left for me.
I can't give up yet, no way can I surrender.
I think back to days, both good days, and the bad.
They are all in Shadow, I cannot bring them back
I think about my friends, about the good times we had.
They are all gone, now there's nothing left for me.
I cannot forget them, won't let them fade to black.
I look up at pictures on my wall and try to find
The answers I know are hidden behind the walls.
I strive to see the past, but the past is far behind.
There is nothing there, nothing at all but shadows,
Yet I made it through, but with many slips and falls.
like i said, i wrote that a year ago. i still have yet to write a really good one. but if i write another half decent one, i'll post it._Kitana_ said:Not half bad...
You had some really awesome lines. What I am about to say is not saying this to discourage you from writing, or to say I didn't like your poem, but there is more for improvement on this poem.
While you had a good base and Idea, it was lacking the langue, the art, the poetic descriptive words, that so often draws you into poetry.That makes a REAL GOOD POEM! I felt from reading this poem that you was not really allowing all the emotion that you were trying to display flow.
However, like I said before I liked the poem, hope you will post more of your work up.
LOLUnforgiven said:i must admit, i laughed when i read this:
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out
but, back on topic...