there i was, just minding my own business as i was waiting on my hoochie to finish her business in the restaurant's bathroom when i was approached by a man I had never seen before. "this is for you. you earned it." he then placed a piece of candy in my hand as i stood slack-jawed. "ensure that you pretend you have no idea such a thing happened or even could happen." he then instructed me on a secret handshake to use in all future interactions with "people of like mind".
"wait...what?", i stammered. 'your skin pigment. you have powers tantamount to a god's.", he whisper/shouted in obvious fear that a commie "in the know" could be listening.
so this is what that white privilege was that I heard about lately. it all made sense now. when hoochie-mama and i attended the theater the other night, i remember the usher smiled broadly as he took our tickets, "enjoy the show" he added. as i was walking towards my seat, i saw him take the tickets of a non-white couple and while he still said "enjoy the show", the broad smile was replaced with something of a grimace. this, coupled with the information I had just obtained, led me to believe I truly saw "white privilege" for the first time. either that or the usher had just crapped in his diapers which caused his grimace. i prefer to choose the former as I pride myself on being progressive.
the parting words of the peculiar stranger continued to haunt me, however. to feign ignorance in the face of being confronted with information that reveals who i truly am. i also had a killer case of "white guilt" i wished to honor. this was getting crazy. impaled on the horns of dilemma I was. "horns". how appropriate. a cruel irony as I was soon to discover my character traits were shared with satan himself. this, based exclusively upon my skin color. i came upon facebook and was promptly introduced to the stark reality of the horror i presented.
it was there i was to be reintroduced to former friends who had become nightmares. my hippy friend of yesteryear had metastisized into a rabid commie of horrid proportions.
she expounded in masterly detail of how i was an evil co-conspirator in an elaborate plot to oppress all that did not look like me. she calmly and sanely related indisputable truths as to my true condition. this is what helped me come clean. it was either this or hang myself.
"wait...what?", i stammered. 'your skin pigment. you have powers tantamount to a god's.", he whisper/shouted in obvious fear that a commie "in the know" could be listening.
so this is what that white privilege was that I heard about lately. it all made sense now. when hoochie-mama and i attended the theater the other night, i remember the usher smiled broadly as he took our tickets, "enjoy the show" he added. as i was walking towards my seat, i saw him take the tickets of a non-white couple and while he still said "enjoy the show", the broad smile was replaced with something of a grimace. this, coupled with the information I had just obtained, led me to believe I truly saw "white privilege" for the first time. either that or the usher had just crapped in his diapers which caused his grimace. i prefer to choose the former as I pride myself on being progressive.
the parting words of the peculiar stranger continued to haunt me, however. to feign ignorance in the face of being confronted with information that reveals who i truly am. i also had a killer case of "white guilt" i wished to honor. this was getting crazy. impaled on the horns of dilemma I was. "horns". how appropriate. a cruel irony as I was soon to discover my character traits were shared with satan himself. this, based exclusively upon my skin color. i came upon facebook and was promptly introduced to the stark reality of the horror i presented.
it was there i was to be reintroduced to former friends who had become nightmares. my hippy friend of yesteryear had metastisized into a rabid commie of horrid proportions.
she expounded in masterly detail of how i was an evil co-conspirator in an elaborate plot to oppress all that did not look like me. she calmly and sanely related indisputable truths as to my true condition. this is what helped me come clean. it was either this or hang myself.