Push, pulled and knocked down


Angel of Death
You know. Here I will just tell you whats up. Ever since Jesse deployment over in Iraq. I have done my best to keep both my family and his informed. But honestly I am just fed up. Its not like I am sitting here hording infomation and I mean Honestly... These people need to step back. I don't get to know much and Jesse doesn't tell me much. He lets me know his thoughts and feelings, and i ma not going to tell them to everyone in our personal life

Jesse mom can not keep leaving me nasty messages and e-mailing me crap.... and having Jesse Sister keep playing on his sympothy. I am tired of having her accusing me of forcing her son into the military, my mother can not keep bitching about debbie and her nonsense.

Which bring me to another point. Why the hell would any fucking mother want to come and live in her son's house for a month with his newly wed wife who he has not seen in two years. Does she not understand that Jesse has been couped out with how many guys... for how long and he and I will both need time to grow and he will need his space and time to think and reflect. Jesse likes space... I like space... jesse and I like each other.... Jesse and I have a lot of catching up to do. Where the hell is she coming from, he has not lived with her really since he been 13 and for 4 years...... she never cared about him... so what the fuck is with this shit.

I mean a god damn fucking month or two... where she going to work, what about her Job. I mean my husband told her "he has to think abou it" and I guess she started crying according to Jesse's letter. she not moving into my home. I would gladly let her stay a week or so, but 2 months is TOOOOO Much. To put that kind of persure on her son, at this time in his life... is she trying to get him killed? Jesse needs to stay focused... why can't she see this?

I am sick of people saying I am not there for my husband. Where is this coming from. I write him daily. I said him packages every other week. I make sure our bills are paid and on time. I balance our accounts. I handle everything in our lives by myself and try to do my best to keep his spirits high and keep him having faith in this country and what he is doing. I try to keep his mind focus. You can't ask anymore or any less of me. Thats just fucking nonesense.

If these people think so low of me, why the fuck don't they just leave me be. I don't call them, I rarely ask for shit from them and I personally just am fed up and tired... and I am having enough problems trying to deal. Why, Can't they just be alittle supportive to me? Calling me names, questioning everytime i go out, who I am with? What I am doing? Where did I go? For how long? Why am I not at home?

I am with myself, I am buying stuff for my house. I am mailing letters... I mean its not like I am doing anything to great here. And when I did go out with my friends it was always. "How would you feel if Jesse went to the movies with another girl." WHAT THE FUCK! I have had nothing but guy friends all my life, now that I am married I am suppose to sit at home and waste away and DIE! I mean... GOD DAMN. There is not a single person I meet who does not know I have a husband and I love him......

Tired of being pushed and pulled and knocked down... only to get back up and have it repeated. but such is life...

I am seriously starting to wonder what these people want from me. ALRIGHT... you want me to say... YOU WIN!..... There YOU WIN!....... I have no fucking clue what you are winning and what I lost, BUT YOU FUCKING WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, what are they looking for? If my best isn't good enough then fuck them. I try... I try DAMN hard.

I have always tried to do one thing in my life, followed my heart... and I am not going to change now.....

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
i, too, get the "how would you feel if your siginificant other did what your doing with the opposite sex" you've just got to roll with the punches. As for his parents, what else can you do but tell them all you know (within certain personal reasons). If Jesse had wanted his folks to know, he would probably call them as well.