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pushing the limits

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#1
alright can somebody tell me if this is not fucked up or what. last weekend me and my girl got into an arguement because she has this friend that just so happens to be a guy who pushes the limits. Even though he says he doesn't want to be with her, he does things like, for example, she was changing clothes in the closet and he walks over there and opens the door on her. luckily she had already finished changing but is that not fucked up. but whats worse is that she said "ha its too late, i already finished" instead of something like "wtf are you doing." then later on she was like he was just playing around and i was like hmmm bullshit. apparently my girl is one of those that would care if someone came up behind her and grabbed her. However, myself on the other hand have a very big problem with that, I won't even ask a question. ill just get up and woop an ass. I didn't do that though because he is her friend, probably her best friend so I just left and chilled out. What do you think i could do to get her to be a little more serious with other people and doing shit like that? I was thinking about just telling her to set up some limits with this guy but i dunno.
 

Janglenut

Particinator
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#2
Tell her how you feel, set down rules. If they're broken then you get rid of her. Whores aren't worth it.


P.S. Try putting some paragraphs next time.
 

Slacker

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#4
I had girl just like that i went to the movies and she ended up flirtting with another guy
Than she ends up hugging him and shit like that. First i said i had to just give her limits and let her do that. But than it got to far. i asked her out to the movies and she asked to bring this guy but but she did it the next too. So the next day i ended up beating the hell out of him.
But instead of doing what i did tell her how you feel see ask her to set limits but dont tire her down so she feels like she cant do anything.
 

LiberatioN

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#5
Yep, don't be controlling. One big turn-off, whether guy or girl, is jealousy. There are somethings (like what you listed, I totally agree that was pretty messed up) that shouldn't be done, but the trust factor is a huge deal. If you know she's not going to do anything, then it shouldn't be a problem. You should confront the friend in a civil way and tell him that by doing that stuff he's kind of getting on your nerves and causing problems between your girl and you. If he has a problem with you, starts insulting you, or tries to embarrass you around your girlfriend, he has it coming.

If it gets really out of hand:
<christuckervoice>Knock him the fuck out!</christuckervoice> :thumbsup:
 

Slacker

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#6
well sometimes getting in a fight infront of your girl is not a good idea she will think your immature and dont know how to handle your problems, that is why my girl broke up with me 2 weeks later
plus i just doesnt solve problems
 

Bitch

Evil Fluffy says: I PEE IN YOUR SHOES!
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#8
Honestly this guy friend is going over the limits of general respect for her and your relationship with her. She's encouraging it. I don't think she nor he has any interest in creating anything more than a flirtatious friendship but the fact is there are boundaries when there's a relationship involved. It makes you uncomfortable and it's not because you are controlling. I assume you give her her freedom to hang with friends, male or female, with or without you. I also assume you let her make decisions for herself. It would be controlling otherwise, but she too has to respect the relationship and tell her friend there is now a limit to the flirts the two of them can share. They can play but there really is a limit to how they can play. It's not really a controlling issue to tell her you don't like it. It may be out of jealousy but even those more lenient boyfriends would find this uncomfortable and out of bounds. jealousy is a healthy part of a relationship as long as it doesn't cross the line of controlling and abusive. This is not controlling. People get jealous because they care and they want the attention. You are asking your girlfriend to show a little more respect of your relationship and the fact that she has a boyfriend that she can flirt with like that.

I used to be a big flirt but once I found a boyfriend I really cared about, I stopped the flirts. I still hung out with my friends (mostly guys) and talked and did activities like movies and so forth, but I stopped the heavy flirting. I saved that stuff for my boyfriend and I enjoyed the attention from him when I flirted with him. That's why my relationship is as good as it is. I give him the attention he deserves as he too gives me the good attention and flirts in return.
 
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#9
well, i confronted the guy today and pretty much what he told me was that he wasn't going to stop unless she said so. the thing is he is one of my friends too, and im not afraid that he will try to hook up with her or anything which from my point of view is fucked up because as a friend he doesn't give me that respect that I would him if he had a girl and he would give it to my girl though.

The only thing that sucks is the fact that my girl is out of town for about 4 or 5 days and i won't be able to see her until next week some time. I like the idea that one of you said about asking her to set some limits. I've told her how I feel and so forth. I was just going to tell her to set up some limits, cuz shes one of those types where if you aren't a little bit of an ass the point doesn't get across. but I'm gunna ask her to set up some limits and go from there.

Ya know what, I think I'm getting the hang of this. I'm actually starting to get the right idea about what to do without others opinions. It's just that everyone that i've talked to so far has said that there really is no problem but I actually give a shit so there is a problem and I just wanted to see someone else agree. If all else fails, ill just walk away. but if this guy gives me crap about how he does whatever. its gunna be 1,2 and your fucked.

One more thing, if i beat the shit out of this guy ill be sitting at home for a long time. why you might ask. your answer, because he pretty much acts like everybodies friend and the town that i live in currently only has 2000 people as the population. 80 percent of that are over 50 years old. there are no more than 200 kids in our school and they all believe what he says. Soo anyway to my point, he has done this before by the way, he pretty much gets everybody to ignore me or the particular person, altogether. so i would be sitting at home doing nothing for a very long time. But then again if the people in this town are dumb enough to like this guy then would it really be all that bad not hanging out with them. now thats something to think about.
and the story continues..... some other day when i feel like writing it.


p.s. he look paragraphs yay
 

LiberatioN

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#11
Also, make sure you know where you stand with her. I wouldnt keep anything behind her back. Let her know what you've said to your friend so he doesn't say anything to her that you haven't already explained. I didn't really say it before, but remember to stay calm around her/your friend unless he pushes his flirting from a suggestive act into something that he physically does.
 

Bitch

Evil Fluffy says: I PEE IN YOUR SHOES!
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#12
I agree, don't tell her her limits. Explain how and why you feel about her flirting. Tell her where you'd like those limits but don't force them. if she decides you are wrong to expect her to stay within those limits then the decision is yours how you want to handle it. She's an adult and if she can't see the disrespect she's dishing you, you might want to consider leaving the relationship. At least try walking away for a bit. You try to enforce those limits on her, she'll see that as controlling. No reason to cage a wild bird. You'll only make her miserable and she'll just want to leave. If she continues to flirt heavily with this guy, walk away. Your friend is disrespecting you and beating him up isn't going to change things. It'll only make her pity him...not run to you. If you decide to walk away and find someone else and he does it again, then beat him up ;) No seriously, concider your friends. If he can't figure out how he's actually hurting you as a friend then leave that relationship too. He's not worth it.
 
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#13
Bitch said:
Honestly this guy friend is going over the limits of general respect for her and your relationship with her. She's encouraging it. I don't think she nor he has any interest in creating anything more than a flirtatious friendship but the fact is there are boundaries when there's a relationship involved. It makes you uncomfortable and it's not because you are controlling. I assume you give her her freedom to hang with friends, male or female, with or without you. I also assume you let her make decisions for herself. It would be controlling otherwise, but she too has to respect the relationship and tell her friend there is now a limit to the flirts the two of them can share. They can play but there really is a limit to how they can play. It's not really a controlling issue to tell her you don't like it. It may be out of jealousy but even those more lenient boyfriends would find this uncomfortable and out of bounds. jealousy is a healthy part of a relationship as long as it doesn't cross the line of controlling and abusive. This is not controlling. People get jealous because they care and they want the attention. You are asking your girlfriend to show a little more respect of your relationship and the fact that she has a boyfriend that she can flirt with like that.
Jealousy is actually unhealthy no matter the degree. I agree that you need to talk to your girlfriend about how you feel, Observer, but first and foremost you need to be able to trust her. You need to be able to know and be secure in the knowledge that she is with you not this other guy and that she will always remember that. If you can't trust her to not go beyond flirting with this guy then you shouldn't be with her. One of my ex-boyfriends used to say how proud he was when other guys flirted with me because he could sit back and say "She's wanted by other guys, but they can't have her becasue she's with me." He didn't even care that I flirted back because he knew that I cared only for him and wouldn't cross the line. It sounds to me like your girlfriend is crossing the natural boundary, so yeah, definitely talk to her about it. Make sure she knows that you trust her (if you do), but you feel that the degree of their flirting is making you uncomfortable. If she says get over it then you need to reassess your situation.
 
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#14
i do trust her, that if anything at all i do have for her. But that is a good question, that i can ask myself. does she think that i trust her? i've told her before that i do but then at one point i said that she was abusing my trust and so forth. I think that i should reaffirm her that i do trust her not to really do anything with this guy. I know that she and him don't want to do anything with each other anyway, it's just that my friend seeing my girlfriend with no clothes on is fucked up in my view. I already have it planned to ask her to set limits. Oh yea, one thing, im not sure if i've already said this or not before but

throughout my girlfriends life she has always had this low self-esteem or w/e. Like she is happy, but if you went up behind her and grabbed her ass or something and you were a total stranger she wouldn't be like "wtf are you doing" she would be like "ouch that hurt" or something along those lines. Even if she doesn't want you to do it she really won't say anything until she utmost has to. I'm workin on it with her though, tryin to get her to speak her mind not only to me but to others as well.

In the end, the lessons that we learn in our daily lives affect the way in which we live. what a great story. I think everythings going to work out just find. and we will be just that much closer together.
 

YUCK FOU!!!

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#15
smack him the fuck out......but that will probably destroy your relationship.
 

dzaykim

Toss my salad
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#16
I think at this point it isn't about what she feels, it's that his flirting is bothering you. Come on man... even though she's the one directly involved... you're her boyfriend.
Who has more say on who hits on a girl than her boyfriend.

And you said this guy was your friend?? The fuck!?
Even more reason to kick his ass.
 

Bitch

Evil Fluffy says: I PEE IN YOUR SHOES!
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#17
tiger_86 said:
Jealousy is actually unhealthy no matter the degree.
I'm actually going to go slightly off topic and discuss why jealousy is healthy to a degree. If you say jealousy is unhealthy no matter what the degree. you are basically telling me that if your significant other is doing some flirting with some other guy that you'd be ok with it? If you weren't feeling som degree of jealousy than I'd say you really don't care about the relationship in this sense. Jealousy creates feelings of hurt. just enough jealousy will make someone react and just explain how they don't like something their g/f or b/f is doing, but still remain respectful to the other person's feelings. Why do you think people's hearts get broken? Maybe you are watching some hot and sweet girl dating your best friend. You wanted her too. Even though you are happy for your friend and you wouldn't do anything to get in the way of his happiness, what do you think is making you feel the way you would in this situation? Jealousy!!

Jealousy is only unhealthy if it starts to created more damage to yourself and to the other parties in the picture. Like beating up your best friend because you wanted to date the girl first. Or slapping your girl around because she was talking to some other guy even if it was just an innocent conversation between the two of them. That jealousy is unhealthy and is a serious sign of some deep insecurity.

I'd get jealous of my bf when if talked to other girls or even if another girl seemed to be flirting with him, but I trust him. I wouldn't say anything because I trust he'd do the right thing if the opportunity was more present. If I became uncomfortable with the level of flirting between the two of them I'd speak up. How else would he know I am uncomfortable with the conversation between he and another girl? I know he'd do the same for me. Jealousy creates the boundaries in any relationship. That's why Jealousy is healthy. It's the reaction to it that can get unhealthy.
 
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#18
its just pretty damn amazing how everything can just collapse on itself like a neutron star. I haven't seen this my now ex in about a week and during that time she hooked back up with her old boyfriend so im telling her to fuck off. but new subject......... how do i go about telling her.

I was thinking about asking her "Where do you and I stand as far a our relationship goes?" "Like can I be like yea we are together and so forth if somebody asks me?" then i will see if she lies to me and finally at the end of the convo (which won't be very long by the way) ill say "O yea by the way i know that you and your ex got back together" and then hang up. something along those lines. I can't be too mean though. because............

one of her best friends is very intersted in me and i the same goes for me towards her. she has been my friend for quite some time now and i want to consider being with her. actually i want to be with her. and if im too mean then my ex will try to keep her from me so ya. but its not likely that she would listen to my ex. cuz she is a story teller.

in the end i win. and for shits and giggles im going to beat the hell out of my exs new boyfriend if i see him in my town ever.