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Queen of Darkness

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#1
She is the younest queen in the history of her people.
She takes the throne, stares out with an icey glare,
her heads of state swear their alleigence.
Soon to be known as the crulest, bloodiest queen to rule,
she promises her people, a bright future.
She sits tall and proud, with flaming red hair,
cold blue eyes, she is considered a beauty.
They try to make her marry, but she refuses,
Swearing that she shall bow to no man.
Her father, mean by nature, forced her to watch
Her mothers beheading, when she could not produce a son.
After she became queen, her people learned to fear her temper,
When angered she is known to torcher servants,
Some were fortunate with a simple whipping,
Others had pins pressed under their nails, some burned with
Red hot pokers, she enjoys the screems, she enjoys the cries.
She earns the name, Queen of darkness.
Raised to be her fathers daughter, she too is cold and mean,
An inherated taste for torcher and pain.
loving the thrill of the hunt, she rides in the forest, looking for
A rabbit, to catch it, to kill it with her bare hands,
Due to her cunning and cruelty, she does bring her country
money and strength, winning wars with her armies,
Bringing other countries to their knees.
Though cold and cruel, she brings knowledge and power
To her people, making men bow to her.
 

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
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#2
I am the one and only ruler. My father died, but 3 days ago. I had my corination, the heads of state, gave their aliegence to me. I am but 13 years old, the desire to find me a husband is strong. Due to the fact my father didn't betrove me before his death. I am the first female ruler of Scottland, my family has had an heir since 1554.
The house house of Tudor, once in England, has always had heir to the throne.
I got this diary as a gift for my 13th birthday which was 4 months ago,
but i had no use for it till now. After my fathers death, there has been many plots for the throne. My brother, sickly, yet by the grace of god, still alive.


read that. If you notice something it doesn't flow very well at all. (not trying to be mean to ya)

She telling a story about herself. I suggest you start with something like; My father died 3 days ago and since then I have become the one and only ruler. I shall rule Proudly as my family has done so since 1554. Though I must becareful there are many plots on this throne since I am the first female ruler of these Scotish Lands and at a young age of 13. I already made my corination, the heads of state, give their aliegence to me, though i wonder how true that is. I must find myself a husband, I wish my father had betrove me before he died. Now my brother is sick but some how by the grace of god he still alive.
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#3
I agree with Kit. Keep working on it girl!!! Your doing great!! And I for one, am glad to see you hanging with us nerds in the writers block! Keep it up!! Im proud of you!!
 

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
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#4
dustinzgirl said:
I agree with Kit. Keep working on it girl!!! Your doing great!! And I for one, am glad to see you hanging with us nerds in the writers block! Keep it up!! Im proud of you!!
I kept thinking about the explain i gave it was pretty weak though i am pretty tired.
 
#5
Nymphchick said:
She is the younest queen in the history of her people.
She takes the throne, stares out with an icey glare....
Overdone, gothy, suckage. I'm sorry, I just wasn't feeling it :thumbsdn: