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Quiet Will Not Come

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This is a part of the story Ive been writing for the last couple of days. Hope you enjoy it.
On the top of mt. Blood, Benjamine's castle stood as an ominous symbol of new nightmares to come. In the streets of the opressed, silence should cloud the sleepy city. But, rolling armor replaces quiet lullabies with the sound of breaking earth.

Danny opened the door to colect the day's propaganda report. An elderly women greeted him with a friendly hello. He retaliated by yelling at her, "Go to hell old bag!" He then swung at her with his fist, missing her but knocking her groceries to the steet. As she ran off wimpering, He flipped the bird at the general's "hidden camara" wich was placed among the trees. Danny Hated everyone but he especially hated the tirants that ruled his country. They had ruined his family and his life. The war for their "independance" had cost him his father, brother and two sisters.

I know I didnt write much but I wanted the opinions of the crazy poeple who matter before I continue with my story.
 

Boycott

Soul Doubt
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Spellcheck. Grammar. Didn't read it because I couldn't get past "Wich"
 

Jung

???
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#3
Boycott said:
Spellcheck. Grammar. Didn't read it because I couldn't get past "Wich"
Here here.

If you're going to write, at least do it correctly. Nobody wants to read poorly formed crap.
 
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#4
junglizm said:
If you're going to write, at least do it correctly. Nobody wants to read poorly formed crap.
That, and 1 paragraph isn't really giving us enough to form a good opinion.

Maybe, if you revise this a bit, and add some more, we could help you out.