Quotes

Chris

Sick Bastard
375
0
0
This one is a good one "
Roses are red, violets are corny, when I think of you oooh baby I get horny. Eat me, beat me, bite me, blow me, suck me, fuck me very slowly, if you kiss me don\'t be sassy, use your tounge and make it nasty! If guys had their periods they would compare to the size of their tampons. Holy mother full of grace, bless my boyfriends gorgeous face, bless his hair that tends to curl, keep him safe from all the girls, bless his arms that are so strong, keep his hands where they belong, bless his dick... the one I sucked, bless the bed in which we fucked, and if my mom happens to walk in bless the shit that I\'d be in. Sex is a bad, sex is a sin, sins are forgiven, so stick it in. "
 

Chris

Sick Bastard
375
0
0
That one is actually true, wierd, but true.


Anyway, look at this one *Cover your stump before you hump.

*Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

*Don\'t be silly, protect your willy.

*When in doubt, shroud your spout.

*Don\'t be a loner, cover your boner.

*It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.

*She won\'t get sick, if you wrap your dick.

*If you really love her, wear a cover.

*Don\'t make a mistake! Muzzle your snake.

*Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener


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I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh, my God, what can I do?
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad -- can you tell?
My body\'s drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my ass


--------------------------------------------------------------------------


Behind every good dick theres always a better condom.

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It's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on!
 

Bigfoot

Clitpickle
97
0
0
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who runs in front of bus gets tired.
Man who runs behind bus gets exausted.
If you cant duct it fuck it.
 

Chris

Sick Bastard
375
0
0
"YOU! You killed my errection!!!!" "No, I am your errection!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
 

Chris

Sick Bastard
375
0
0
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that\'s more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

A pig\'s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death.

(Creepy.)

(I\'m still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male\'s head off.

(\"Honey, I\'m home. What the....?!\")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It\'s like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.

(If you\'re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat\'s urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich\'s eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they\'ll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)
 

Ctoit

Tenderony
428
1
0
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male\'s head off.

(\"Honey, I\'m home. What the....?!\")




That how I like to start....... :cool:
 

Ctoit

Tenderony
428
1
0
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)



Nice.......who needs a workout?
 

GottaHurt

Sexual Deviant
1,591
1
0
Ctoit said:
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)



Nice.......who needs a workout?

Alright, a perpetually horny woman, let me introduce myself...
 

ron

Buster of Asses
963
0
0
An thou do no harm, do as thou wilt; and that shall be the whole of the law.

Not exactly original, but it works.
 

Ctoit

Tenderony
428
1
0
Here's one I was always fond of:

No matter how good she looks, Someone, Somewhere is sick of her shit!
 

badassmtbiker

Dolemite
1,102
2
202
Ctoit said:
thank you..........now if all you damn superficial guys would just remember that

What about.. now matter how ugly she is - someone's drunk enough to fuck her


hmmm.. doesn't have the same ring.
 

Ctoit

Tenderony
428
1
0
badassmtbiker said:
What about.. now matter how ugly she is - someone's drunk enough to fuck her


hmmm.. doesn't have the same ring.




Yea its just not the same..........although just as true......



Ever notice how that works for the chics.......but if the guy is damn ugly...he's still not getting laid.