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Rant is long sorry

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My best friend and I had a huge fight last night..We have been friends for 25 years..We grew up together, went through school together, and have remained friends through all kinds of horrible things. Normally we don't fight about things because we have figured out how to communicate and work through problems as they arise..or so I thought that is how it worked.

Some background..She has turned into an alchoholic, and is in an abusive relationship..He mentally rapes her, he's pushed her around..the basic fuckhead. He's into coke so the money he makes goes for blow instead of food. He is also guilty of raping one of our other friends.

She has cried to me so many times about asked what she should do..I tell her to leave him..She bawls that she can't because she loves the shitbag, and she tells me I have no fucking clue what it's like to be in her shoes. That of course is a heaping plie of shit as well..I know exactly what it's like because I am married to an alcoholic..and he didn't get into recovery because I sat back and kept allowing him to screw our family over.

I am also friends with her older sister..I've known her just as long. And I figured since all of us are adults that speaking about my concerns would be okay..It was always okay before to share problems with other friends who we both are close with..Many times it has helped to solve problems that seem insurmountable because feelings can run so high.

I told her sister of my concerns over her..just two weeks ago, we were sending instant messages and she tells me that captain fuckhead (her boyfriend) did some things that really scared her. She wouldn't go into detail because she knows I hold a special place of loathing for him in my heart, and that I would more than likely confront him about it..as I have in past situations. Also since the rape occured at her sister's house I asked her sis what happened that night..She didn't want to tell me about it so I didn't bring it up again.

So she tells me she is pissed off at me and that I am a gossip whore and how badly I betrayed her. So now all of a sudden it's not okay to disscuss things with mutual friends even though for all these years it was cool before. She is pissed off also because it was her sister I talked to..I didn't know that the "high school" rule was still in effect seeing as we have all grown up. I worry for her safety at times because he has hit her before, and he is psycho.

Anyway I apologized and told her that I never meant to hurt her and that I didn't realize the rape was a big secret from her sister (even though it occured in her house). I apologized six or seven times..she kept going on and on how I talked behind her back and that before I went making judgements about her I needed to look at my own life..I told her that I said nothing I have never said to her face, and that yes I look at my life.

She of course was drunk as usual so she kept repeating herself and cussing me off..I finally got fed up and told her that she if she likes taking the abuse of a cunt fart fuckhead then more power to her..and that while she was at it she could take another shot o courage and grow a pair..Then she replies umm, why are you being so mean? *hello is there anybody in there*

So it ended up that she said she just wanted to start anew..I said well okay I'll be online for awhile if you want to talk, but she didn't send me a message. I'm hoping it will blow over.
 

Base

it's a motherfucker
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#2
In my opinion, all you need to do is just give it time. I have had massive arguements with my bro-in-law (not quite the same issues that you've dealt with) and once we haven't seen eachother in a while and we've cooled down, we've talked about it and sorted it out like adults.

I hope things get sorted out for you and your friend. so my opinion, give it a bit of time and talk about it once both of you have cooled down.

Hope this helps (even just a bit)
 
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Base said:
In my opinion, all you need to do is just give it time. I have had massive arguements with my bro-in-law (not quite the same issues that you've dealt with) and once we haven't seen eachother in a while and we've cooled down, we've talked about it and sorted it out like adults.

I hope things get sorted out for you and your friend. so my opinion, give it a bit of time and talk about it once both of you have cooled down.

Hope this helps (even just a bit)
Yeah that's what I am hoping for that it will cool down, and that we can sort it all out. I hope it is soon though..I put the ball in her court so if she feels like it I'm here.
 

Hater808

The hate still Shapes me
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#4
I think more important then your guys relationship is the situation she's in. As a friend and a good friend, I know you are hurting because of the situation shes in. Since this fight and I am sure most of your troubles with her are becuase of this situation, you need to help her with that first. I am not sure how you can love a cheating, raping, drug addicted, asshole but I am not in her shoes. I am not even sure what you would tell her that she hasn't already heard or seen. But getting along with her is never going to cure the hurt that this relationship is causing. Personally I would rather be single than dealing with a person like that, also even if she doesn't have him she always has you. Let her al least know that.
 
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Hater808 said:
I think more important then your guys relationship is the situation she's in. As a friend and a good friend, I know you are hurting because of the situation shes in. Since this fight and I am sure most of your troubles with her are becuase of this situation, you need to help her with that first. I am not sure how you can love a cheating, raping, drug addicted, asshole but I am not in her shoes. I am not even sure what you would tell her that she hasn't already heard or seen. But getting along with her is never going to cure the hurt that this relationship is causing. Personally I would rather be single than dealing with a person like that, also even if she doesn't have him she always has you. Let her al least know that.
I've always been the kind of friend to her that tells her the truth rather she likes it or not, but for the past year or so she has been living in pretend land. I told her that I would still be here for her, but I have come to realize that people who stay in an abusive relationship tend not to listen to others. I suppose she'll get smart eventually, but probably not until she's had enough or whatever measure that is.

Thanks everyone for your responses they are very kind.:)
 

JLXC

WTF's Official Conspiracy Fanatic
Premium
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#6
Wow that is some serious shit there. If your friend is determined to ruin her life there's nothing you can do about it. It sounds like you've done what you could, tried to use reason, tried to use history, but all in all when someone makes up their mind, it's all about free will. I've seen friends go down the "dark" path, never to return. If your friend is doomed don't let her take you down with her. Staying with an abusive coke-addicted Rapist is a good way to tell if someone is doomed. Nothing lasts forever. Sometimes it's better to move on.

Good luck whatever you decide.
 

Piro

From appaled to applauding, controversy.
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#7
curliestalicia said:
She has cried to me so many times about asked what she should do..I tell her to leave him..She bawls that she can't because she loves the shitbag, and she tells me I have no fucking clue what it's like to be in her shoes.
Sounds like fear. She loves him but doesn’t have the courage to confront him about the problem, because he may leave her or "mind fuck" her...or be disappointed in her. It's bloody hard to criticize loved ones, no matter how mad they are.

If anything, she needs you to help her build her self-esteem so she can act on the problem. She's got no one else she'd rather have help from after all, even if she can't admit it.
 
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Oooh the whole thing just pisses me off. She is so intellegent..she beat her statistics on the surface..pregnant at 15..the father took off and hides still to this day..she finished high school and went on to university where she graduated..can't find a job because we live in bum fucked egypt. Her son deserves better and so does she.

She has asked me in the past to help her out..I layed the info in her lap..she..arrg!

It seems like everyone I am close to is some form of junkie or something. I went through this with my husband, and frankly sometimes I get tired of fighting the good fight..sorry best thing I could come up with is a cliche phrase...

Her boyfriend takes great pleasure in knocking down her self-esteem. He knows that if she had any she would tell him to go fuck himself and move on to better things.
 

Repth

Kills 99.9% of Germs.
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#9
How do things like this start.. when your a child you never think your going to grow up and have problems..
 
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#10
Repth said:
How do things like this start.. when your a child you never think your going to grow up and have problems..
Possibly overwhelmeing insidiousness.