1. Learn to use the garbage can and laundry basket. You are a big boy, and your mother does NOT live here.
2. Sundays are a day of rest. Shut the TV off and get OFF YOUR ASS.
3. Shopping is a mental test of will and skill.
4. When I am blackmailing you, it is not the time to have a beer. Make me feel better. Or else.
5. There is no yes and no answers in life. If you have to think harder or you just dont understand, then tell us and we can explain it in smaller words. If need be, we can spell it out in pretzels and beer cans so you will understand.
6. You must be able to solve the problem without us thinking that you are solving it for us.
7. A porno flick is not a turn on.
9.Any comments made will be held on your permanent record, get used to it.
10.If you wont act like a soap opera guy, dont expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.
11. If we think we are fat, and you look at a skinny teenager, that is a black mark on your permanent record.
12. If you can not answer a question without making it two-sided, you are wrong. We are right.
13. You can either do it when we ask it or hear about it for the next 7 days. Your choice.
14. Whenever possible, please Look at us when we speak to you, even if it is during a rerun of Sportsfisherman or whatever crap you are watching.
15. Christopher Columbus discovered america. you discovered a long road to nowhere. buy a map.
16. We know you are not interested in the color of our panties, unless they are coming off. We, in turn, are not interested in your car or sport unless it is directly beneficial to our shopping schedule.
17. We will kick the dog off the couch for scratching sensitive areas. We should do the same to you, but instead we nag. Deal.
18. If you can not tell if something is wrong or not, then something is wrong. Make it better, that is your job.
19. If you give an answer you know we dont want to hear, refer to # 12.
20. When we are going somewhere, your shirt from high school is not appropriate. Niether is the Im with stupid shirt. Wear the nice on mom bought you for christmass.
21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Shopping, Makeup, Clothes, Gossip, Rumors, Work, Ethics, Politics, Religion. Unfortunately we do not think as slowly as you do, please try to keep up.
22. You have enough tools.
23. You have too many sports videos.
24. Comments on our shape (esp our weight and ass) are not permitted unless they are in one of these three phrases :
a. Honey, you are so much sexier than HER.
b. Baby, I love your body.
c. I am so glad I have such a beautiful (wife, girlfriend)
25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, it was a lot for you to digest. If you have any further questions, I will be typing the manual soon, there are about 1999 pages written for you to read.
Oh, and honey, can you check the oil for me? Please dont forget to take out the garbage!
2. Sundays are a day of rest. Shut the TV off and get OFF YOUR ASS.
3. Shopping is a mental test of will and skill.
4. When I am blackmailing you, it is not the time to have a beer. Make me feel better. Or else.
5. There is no yes and no answers in life. If you have to think harder or you just dont understand, then tell us and we can explain it in smaller words. If need be, we can spell it out in pretzels and beer cans so you will understand.
6. You must be able to solve the problem without us thinking that you are solving it for us.
7. A porno flick is not a turn on.
9.Any comments made will be held on your permanent record, get used to it.
10.If you wont act like a soap opera guy, dont expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.
11. If we think we are fat, and you look at a skinny teenager, that is a black mark on your permanent record.
12. If you can not answer a question without making it two-sided, you are wrong. We are right.
13. You can either do it when we ask it or hear about it for the next 7 days. Your choice.
14. Whenever possible, please Look at us when we speak to you, even if it is during a rerun of Sportsfisherman or whatever crap you are watching.
15. Christopher Columbus discovered america. you discovered a long road to nowhere. buy a map.
16. We know you are not interested in the color of our panties, unless they are coming off. We, in turn, are not interested in your car or sport unless it is directly beneficial to our shopping schedule.
17. We will kick the dog off the couch for scratching sensitive areas. We should do the same to you, but instead we nag. Deal.
18. If you can not tell if something is wrong or not, then something is wrong. Make it better, that is your job.
19. If you give an answer you know we dont want to hear, refer to # 12.
20. When we are going somewhere, your shirt from high school is not appropriate. Niether is the Im with stupid shirt. Wear the nice on mom bought you for christmass.
21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Shopping, Makeup, Clothes, Gossip, Rumors, Work, Ethics, Politics, Religion. Unfortunately we do not think as slowly as you do, please try to keep up.
22. You have enough tools.
23. You have too many sports videos.
24. Comments on our shape (esp our weight and ass) are not permitted unless they are in one of these three phrases :
a. Honey, you are so much sexier than HER.
b. Baby, I love your body.
c. I am so glad I have such a beautiful (wife, girlfriend)
25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, it was a lot for you to digest. If you have any further questions, I will be typing the manual soon, there are about 1999 pages written for you to read.
Oh, and honey, can you check the oil for me? Please dont forget to take out the garbage!
