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Revenge for Tratorous Friends...

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imightbejesus

I Might Be Jesus... Maybe
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#1
I'm probably not one of the only ones to have this problem, but I just finally got sick of all my friends screwing me over... literally... well, their girlfriends anyway...
You see, they all disagreed about one thing or another, and blame seemed to shift to me. My fault, I shouldn't of done this or that, etc. So, I gave them something to blame each other for... I will use nicknames...
It all started over my best bud, Pyro, and his g/f, K.C. Now, a girl should never get between friends, and I know this. She got interested in me, and nothing I could do would get her to back off. I should probably note that I have some slight mental problems. Nothing psychotic or anything, just lacking in the emotional department... compassion, caring, love basically. I really have no clue what it is, but I'm told that I am an ass hole because of it... tease... heartless... which are all probably true... So she gets mad that I'm not cooperating with her obvious flirtation. She gets her best friend involved (which I will dub "shorty" because she doesn't have a nickname) Trying to get K.C. to break up with Pyro to go out with me. She does, and Pyro blames me. Me, I never really "dated" anyone, mostly one nighters... some times two... so I still won't go out with her. Now, shorty's b/f, Buddha, has a problem with K.C. and Pyro breaking up, so he's yelling at me, and all that good stuff. That, reason, and the fact that me, K.C., and Shorty are hanging out together. Guess what they're trying to do...
But, ahh... the plot twist... Shorty tells me after way too many drinks, that she had this huge crush on me since the ninth grade, how she's always arguing with Buddha, how he's trying to control her, and everything else in the book. So, I tell her the logical thing to do... break up with him. She does, and she wants me hanging out with her because Buddha is throwing this major hisy fit over it all, coming over at 1 am, yelling, collecting his stuff, breaking every gift he gave her, and throwing an act that would put "Days of Our Lives" to shame. Then, of course, she's hanging out with me, so she's egging me on a bit, messing with me, spending the night, just to keep an eye on her. So Buddha finds out from one of his friends that we're "dating". So he calls me a back-stabbing bastard, which is weird, because I am a bastard. Well, he keeps going with blank insults that really seem to make no sense, telling me he's gonna kick my ass, the whole shit and kaboodle. Pyro gets into it, and we go into the same routine, and K.C. found this out, and we do it again. By then, I was pretty sick of all of them. So, ultimate revenge time, which was genius on my part, while fucking them over royally, I fixed all their problems...
I continue to "date" shorty, pissing of Buddha the entire time, him calling me every night, half begging, half cussing, me to break up with her. So I tell him, fine, I'll fix it. While she's bitching about Buddha calling her everyday, having his friends spy on her, I just ignore her, little by little... Of course, when this happens, people seek consolement. She turned to Buddha. She ends up "cheating" on me, sobbingly confesses to me, begs me for another chance, the whole ordeal. To piss off Buddha more, I "forgave" her, but ignored her even more, and she does it again. I love how predictable people are...
So I stop seeing her, which gets K.C. all pissed off, which is just really stupid. First she's mad that I chose Shorty's company over her's, now mad because I "hurt her best friend." Now I'm sick of this pseudo-sympathy bullshit, so I tell K.C. I broke up with Shorty to go out with her. Now, she faking being pissed off, and here comes the big bang. She spent the night, and Pyro finds out. Now he gets royally pissed, and he comes out with this: "You're supposed to be my best friend! You're not supposed to be fucking the woman I love behind my back!" It goes on like this for about five minutes. You get the point. But, he gave me a great idea to fuck them all over.
I'm sterile. Doctors say I have a five percent chance to impregnate a woman. Less because of the smoking, majuanna, and Mountain Dew. Some crap about Yellow 5 being a spericide. Anyway, so I figured why not... Go with out the love glove...
This is why I love human nature. K.C. and Pyro are indeed nymphomaniacs. For the less informed, obsessed with sex. Pissed off, happy, angry, all of it leads to sex. So, my final shit bomb to piss them all off real big... Years ago, I helped K.C. formulate a step calendar for her menstral cycle. Now, mostly it would've have been easier except for one thing... she gets them every three weeks, plus or minus five days... radical changes... I knew this and four days before she was due to start, I slipped her this pill, nothing like what your thinking, it just increases sexual desire and sensitivity. In about an hour, she was about to explode, and she forgoes the condom and we have mad monkey sex...
I broke up with her the next day explaining that what we did was wrong, and I should have never mad a girl worth more than my friendship, and she goes diving for Pyro he gives me his thanks, and as I leave, they're slamming into bedroom walls...
Two weeks later; Pyro calls me... "K.C.'s Pregnant." I don't say a word, because I'm afraid I'm going to burst out laughing my ass off. "We need to talk. Meet me at the park." So I do, he brings K.C. and Shorty... Aw... this could not get any better! He interigates me, and I answer every question. Partial truths, everything I could think of to keep this going. Finally I say, "You need to get a parental test done. If the child's not yours, then it's mine." Then I look at K.C. "And if it's mine, I'm taking sole custody of the child" And I leave. Few days later, I get a call. From Pyro's MOTHER! "Get over here. We need to talk, now." I'm singing Hallelujah's all the way over there, because of the hole they're digging... And I have a nice conversation with Pyro's Mother, Pyro, K.C., and Shorty. Same questions, except one new one... "Why do you want sole custody? Why not both of you take care of the child?" My answer? "Because she is completely unfit to take care of a child. She's too panicy, too unstable, and can barely take care of herself. I'm not gonna leave my child in that." K.C. leaves the room crying and Pyro follows her. So now it's just me, Shorty, and Pyro's mother.
Pyro's mother is a very intellegent person. Most likely smater than anyother person I know, and she has said the same about me... And she pulled these words out of no where, and almost wreck everything, and probably would have if the damage was reversible: "You may care about these people in your own sick, twisted way, but there is a wall in your way, a wall that won't allow you to love anybody, not even yourself... You can't love anybody, and your hurting these people." I just had to look at shorty and fight smiling because we had shared our "I love yous" just weeks before. While watching her out of the corner of my eye, she was frozen like a statue at this accusation, and I just had to drive the nail deeper. "You probably right, yet if some people weren't so untrustworthy, and didn't allow flights of fancy to run their lives, and so eager to dive in someone else's bed, then I may not have had this problem now would I?" She literally turn pale, because only she knew I was refering to her "cheating on me." Oh, no, you mean to say everything you told me was a lie, that you never loved me, only used me, and you could never love me no matter how much I tried? Please say it isn't so!? People... jeez...
Now, before Pyro's mother had another opputunity to try again, I had to leave. Just because it was the right moment. Everything had fallen into place, and I couldn't afford to move any of the pieces. All I knew then was, plan was done, and a parental test was scheduled the next week. They said they'd call me with the results. No, they wouldn't, they didn't. After all the shock that took place at the house, they were demanding that the child was mine. Pyro, because he didn't want a kid. K.C. because she didn't want to let me go, and Pyro's mother and Shorty stayed quiet because they were either too smart or too shocked to say anything....
NOW: They never called me, and turns out why was that it was indeed Pyro's kid. An ex g/f of his told me after he bragged about it on Yahoo! Messanger to her. Idiots... his ex is my best friend... and too pround to admit they were wrong and assholes...
Pyro and K.C. are back together, but not happy... as much as they say they love each other and want to be with each other, they can't stand each other... I know this because of his ex...
Shorty and Buddha are back together, and they seem happy enough. I know this much because Buddha talks to me... sometimes... but now he's bitching about her...
Me? I have not heard from anyone else since this incident. They decided to dump me then deal with their own stupidity. They asked for it, because they put me in a place where I did not want to be... and made them kick me out...
I wrecked four perfectly decent lives, and I loved doing it. They asked for it. Why, I do not know. What made these women so special? No clue... Been there? Welcome to my world... Now get out...