WTF ... IS WTF!?
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S.C.U.M. Presents: Havok's Tip of the Morning to Ya.

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#1
If you wake up, and you have a hard on, it's best to wait until your girlfriend/wife wakes up before you attempt a probing.

Otherwise, you eat waffles for breakfast. I'd rather have eggs and bacon.

Making your own breakfast sucks.
 
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#2
If you decide to shower in the morning, DO NOT hop in right as you fire up the showerhead. Wait a bit for the water heater to kick in.

The shrinkage, will not improve your chances of "Wake and Stake".

Apparently the women like their breakfast sausage thick and full.
 
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#3
Remember kids, when hopping into your pants in a rush, make sure it's one leg at a time.

If you get the left and right leg in one pant leg, then you spend a bit of time determining which leg to pull out to insert into the left or right side.


Was it the right leg you put into the left leg side along with the left leg?


You aren't sure are you? That could waste ten minutes. You don't want to be late for your shitty office job/class do you?


Patience is a virtue. One at a time.
 
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#4
I wasn't aware that once you get up in the morning, you are slightly disoriented.


I think I made out with a dog.




Tip of the mornin to ya : Do not try to kiss anything while first waking up.


EDIT: Also, if you have a spouse, and no dog, do not wake up, kiss her, then claim, "Fuck honey, I believe I just kissed the dog."
 
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#5
Tip of the mornin to ya : Morning breath is a great way to get rid of the ugly bitch you woke up next to, because you were too drunk too know any better the night before!


All that is required is very "breathy" talking. Insert an H sound right after the first couple letters of a word, and she's dressed and in a taxi. (Or he, just in case if you ladies are a bit crazy when drunk as well.)





Example:

"Hhhhhi Hhhhhhoney. I rheally hhhhhope thhhis relhationshhhhip lhhhasts."


It might take a little longer to say a sentence while doing so, BUT it also makes you look more like a freak who has trouble getting sentences out. Who wants that in their life?!?
 
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#6
Jesus....



Do you have "friends with benefits"?


When you plan on getting trashed with them, hoping for some of those "extra benefits" to kick in (after you both are well intoxicated, of course) "You gotta have a plan!"

Seriously kids, it's just like making a fire escape route out of your home.

If you don't have some reason, why they have to leave before morning time comes, and the sun blinds your hung over body, then you're left with a wonderful feeling of regret. Or itchyness. (It's just a slight hypochondriac thing going on, promise.)

Ok, well ignore the itchyness kiddies, the free ride was worth it.

But, if you allow this "partner", to stick around until morning time, chances are, their uncomfortable feeling (from seeing your ugly ass naked body in sobriety) will make them never, ever come back for a little forbidden-guilty-free-fruit.

Would you prefer some dollar-store lotion, and profile pics of the "hottie girls" (or guys) to get you through another sexually frustrating evening?

Didn't think so. Shallow is good.
 
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#7
Alright chyldren.


If you ache to make a good point about what to do, or what not to do, with your girlfriend/wife/side-piece-of-ass/dog/ventriloquist dummy, in the morning, or the evening before *wink wink* you will have your chance right now.

This will be open for a couple of days, or just one day, who knows...get your post in here. I'll toss in some open post days for this thread, but you probably won't know about it. You just have to be slick, and keep checking in.


Oh, and if I feel you're posting any kind of crap, it will instantly be deleted.


:thumbsup:
 

LiberatioN

Trance Addict
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#8
It was suggested to me that I post this here:

"If you ever pass out at a friend's house and your breath smell like ballsack in the morning, you better hope to God there's a vodka that's scrotum-flavored."
 

TwisT

Hooked on Rocks!
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LiberatioN said:
It was suggested to me that I post this here:

"If you ever pass out at a friend's house and your breath smell like ballsack in the morning, you better hope to God there's a vodka that's scrotum-flavored."
and hope there ain't a video floatin on the www.
 
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