So that's when I...


... busted those cops up and escaped their jail and broke out on the street where I stole that dirtbike and disappeared into the Oregon mountains finally getting bazooka'd by the National Guard...
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Baba Yaga
...which fortunately threw me off into a river gorge where I used the cold torrent as transport down stream to land in an off-gridder community with a well nurtured mistrust of the establishment. After some deliberation, a key member of the group threw me the keys to a beat up Dodge Ram and offered directions out of the area through some dis-used logging roads. After an hour or so I ran across a foot patrol of the Oregon National Guard. So that's when I.....
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Voorhees a jolly good fellow!
...was forced to ditch the vehicle, camouflage it with some brush and camp for the night in the woods to avoid the foot patrol. As luck would have it, I wasn't that far from some old friends but I was too exhausted to move... I needed a few hours of rest. In order to lower my chances of being seen, I set my watch to wake me at 2am. I picked up my scant belongings, and decided to trek the 10 miles to ask the assistance of the Goonies, who owed me quite the favor which I'll go into another time. When I arrived a couple of hours later, they were all sleeping in an over-sized tree-house built for the whole brood (which had expanded over the years to include many of the crew's offspring) in the backyard of the Boondocks.

After startling them awake, I explained my predicament in a series of run-on sentences. They reluctantly agreed to assist me in creating an arsenal of improvised weaponry, and would deny it if asked if they saw me. I decided not to hide out here, as it would expose the children to unnecessary danger, and my recent shenanigans were my own (un)doing.

After catching up with the crew for a while and popping a few truffles, I quickly packed the creative arsenal into a tattered old sports bag of Brandon's (he's put on a few pounds since the old days - now a dad), grabbed some snacks and misc supplies, the hand of Andy's astonishingly good looking daughter (like I said, they owed me quite a BIG favor and if I was going to start a new life on the run I'll need company), and we headed for the coast to hide out in a small cave the crew told me about. It turns out Mouth (who never had kids of his own) left an old boat there years ago, and that just might work!

After a couple of hours, we stopped to take in our surroundings. We were quite hungry. I opened up the sports bag (which was a bit heavy and smelled like dirty socks) and grabbed two apples. After consuming the snacks, Andy's daughter (who I think was starting to dig me) grabbed the binoculars and asked me if I wanted the good news or bad news first. I chose the good news, forever an optimist. She said we apparently found the cave (and small was right!) which was a short hike through a wooded path, and out some dunes. However, she also spotted 3 rather burly backwoods men hiking along the border of the woods some distance away with a rather vicious looking hunting dog accompanying them. It would also appear the dog had nothing securing him. They were headed this way. So that's when I...
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