SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
>
>What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The
> position of the dirt bag.
>
> Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
>
>What 's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US
> leader.
>
>What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> Doughnuts.
>
> Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless
>you're not getting any.
>
> Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? Because Janet Reno is her
>real father.
>
>What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a
> room together? 100 people who don't do dick..
>
>What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it
> alone.
>
> SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)
>
>What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
>
>What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
>
>What 's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.
>
>What 's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45
> minutes.
>
>What 's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with
> a sharp knife.
>
> Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand
>criticism.
>
>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
> intention of driving.
>
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because
>they have cotton balls.
>
>What 's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine
> has the pricks on the outside.
>
>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are
> you sure it's mine?"
>
>What 's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer
> Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
>
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to
>you.
>
> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts
>don't have eyes.
>
> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the
>car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday
>and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
> SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)
>
> Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
>
>What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
> half-mast? They're hiring.
>
>What 's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern
> zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the
> front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
>
> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the
>F... word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell
>*BINGO*!
>
>What 's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a
> southern fairy tale? Northern fairy tale begins "Once upon
> a time..." A southern fairy tale begins "Y'all ain't gonna
> believe this shit..."
>
>What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The
> position of the dirt bag.
>
> Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
>
>What 's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US
> leader.
>
>What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> Doughnuts.
>
> Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless
>you're not getting any.
>
> Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? Because Janet Reno is her
>real father.
>
>What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a
> room together? 100 people who don't do dick..
>
>What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it
> alone.
>
> SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)
>
>What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
>
>What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
>
>What 's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.
>
>What 's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45
> minutes.
>
>What 's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with
> a sharp knife.
>
> Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand
>criticism.
>
>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
> intention of driving.
>
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because
>they have cotton balls.
>
>What 's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine
> has the pricks on the outside.
>
>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are
> you sure it's mine?"
>
>What 's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer
> Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
>
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to
>you.
>
> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts
>don't have eyes.
>
> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the
>car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday
>and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
> SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)
>
> Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
>
>What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
> half-mast? They're hiring.
>
>What 's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern
> zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the
> front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
>
> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the
>F... word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell
>*BINGO*!
>
>What 's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a
> southern fairy tale? Northern fairy tale begins "Once upon
> a time..." A southern fairy tale begins "Y'all ain't gonna
> believe this shit..."
