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Struggle To Release

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#1
Don't try and save me
I just want you to see
Alone in this fight
Struggle as I might
Locked inside
Must always hide

Keep away the pain
My loss and your gain
It's not a game
My secret shame
Bleeding skin
I did it again

Razor in hand
I take my stand
Relief you will bring
With a little sting
Crimson red you will flow
As I watch the puddle grow
...
tell me what you think!
 

The_DEAL

FAILING @FAILING!
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#2
*edited due to it related nothing to his writting*



_kitana_ said:
I broke the rules of the writting forum. This did not relate to anything constructive. For that I am deeply sorry.
and for you kit please dont put words into my mouth just say "edited due to content"
 

Paul

Tenderony
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#3
*glares at youknowthedeal*

you know you arent supposed to flame here!
 
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#4
*Edited*

I didn't mean to I am really sorry

^ edited by a moderator, I really am NOT sorry

^ Edited again by the mod, you better be sorry you broke the rules of this forum.
 

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
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#6
youknowthedeal said:
hmmmm.... good point move this to b&t
Grrrr........


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Hmmm.... It had kind of a nice ring to it, the flow was alright, the structure was a little simple. Not awful though
 

Bullshyt

Devil Without A Cause
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#9
This is a dark but real good poem, but the rhyme scheme could have been a little better, but all in all, great poem!!! :thumbsup:
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
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#10
Halfpintrocker said:
anyone have anything to say about my poem???
Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

I think it is simple and flows very well. You get your pain across very well. However, it has a lot of words that are entirely to simple minded. The basic format of this is very good, it is strong and well placed.
 
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#13
Ok.... this just brings my point across more clearly... In my previous post I said that you posted this just to get attention and to "knock it off" in nice words. Kit then edited my post. But now after this thread being dead for quite a long time, you post in it "How do you guys like it?" wtf.... PLEASE stop trying to get attention off of the internet. The poem has great structure, and I'm not saying it all out sucks. But if thats how you REALLY feel, please get help. WTF.com won't be able to assist you in it.
 

TwisT

Hooked on Rocks!
2,347
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#14
Halfpintrocker said:
Don't try and save me
I just want you to see
Alone in this fight
Struggle as I might
Locked inside
Must always hide

Keep away the pain
My loss and your gain
It's not a game
My secret shame
Bleeding skin
I did it again

Razor in hand
I take my stand
Relief you will bring
With a little sting
Crimson red you will flow
As I watch the puddle grow
...
tell me what you think!
Seek HELP!!!!!
 
#15
ok...see i dont want to do it... its just thoughts that go through my head... I love to write poetry and i just wanted to see what you guys thought... i needed help ON WRITING IT...i dont need mental help...im fine... its just i want to improve and i cant get any better if you dont post on it...
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
178
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#16
Halfpintrocker said:
ok...see i dont want to do it... its just thoughts that go through my head... I love to write poetry and i just wanted to see what you guys thought... i needed help ON WRITING IT...i dont need mental help...im fine... its just i want to improve and i cant get any better if you dont post on it...

so write more. It doesnt mean you are mental. dont listen to these fuckers. Seriously, I am fairly normal, and have you read my poetry? it is borderline psychotic. good poetry is insane. Edgar allen poe was insane. Im pretty sure shakespeare was a drunk and insane too.
 
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#17
I liked your poem,dark poetry is my shit :thumbsup: .allthough i wrote a sappy one and it's being published in a book as well as a CD but still i like the dark kind better.most of our lives are spent in sorrow....why not write about it?
 
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#18
dustinzgirl said:
so write more. It doesnt mean you are mental. dont listen to these fuckers. Seriously, I am fairly normal, and have you read my poetry? it is borderline psychotic. good poetry is insane. Edgar allen poe was insane. Im pretty sure shakespeare was a drunk and insane too.
thats all true,poe was a damn psycho oh well his shit is good.I find it hard for me to write about sadness and sorrow without dipping into my personal experience with my stepbrother's death, makes it hard to write about the sad stuff for a general audience when I have the urge to slip in side notes about family death....gotta give the poets that can do this right,props :thumbsup: !
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
6,775
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#19
dustinzgirl said:
so write more. It doesnt mean you are mental. dont listen to these fuckers. Seriously, I am fairly normal, and have you read my poetry? it is borderline psychotic. good poetry is insane. Edgar allen poe was insane. Im pretty sure shakespeare was a drunk and insane too.
You know, Shakespeare gets a shitload of credit and fame, but none of what he wrote was original. It was all re-writes.

But damn, he was good at re-writing.
 
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#20
Halfpintrocker said:
ok...see i dont want to do it... its just thoughts that go through my head... I love to write poetry and i just wanted to see what you guys thought... i needed help ON WRITING IT...i dont need mental help...im fine... its just i want to improve and i cant get any better if you dont post on it...
Hmm, that doesn't seem to be true considering you posted in threads about how you slit your wrists and shit and have even PMed me about it...