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The Fight...

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#1
I know my poems arent the greatest, and you may too if you saw my last post haha, but I got in a big fight with my love and I put this in my lj as a way to say sorry. Hope someone relates to it....

Penny Girl......

Perfect I am not
Perfection it is not
But our love still grows
Our love still flows
From one heart
To another
Constantly flourishing
Eternally rejuvinating

It must be
It has to be
For if it is not to be
Then My life, dead to me

With you I love
With you I live
With you I know
Just what
Happyness is

We are not always happy
Almost truely sad
But take the good
and the bad
Mix them up
and lay them out
Surely no one could see
Just what the fights were about
Nonsense coming
Nonsense going
Babel interpreted
and hopleslly lost
Just like this poem
Forever in the dark
But at least our love
On our hearts
Will always leave a mark


I love you penny girl
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#3
i like brutal killing...anyways...

it is good until this part:

It must be
It has to be
For if it is not to be
Then My life, dead to me

With you I love
With you I live
With you I know
Just what
Happyness is

Then it is good again. I do not like the center part, it just kills the flow, and seems very---common...
 
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#4
thanks...i agree...ill see what i can do to change that. *shock* you atcually provided a critique and not just that you love killing!?!?! lol jk thanks
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
178
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#5
Pbpsning said:
thanks...i agree...ill see what i can do to change that. *shock* you atcually provided a critique and not just that you love killing!?!?! lol jk thanks
Most of us in writers block will. Unless we really don't care or don't like it. Plus, if everyone would read the rules, you would see that that is what we are SUPPOSED to do. and I wrote those rules, so I had better do it.

Looking forward to a re-write on this. Also, you can make the rest sound better with some work, the wording is very plain, but it is still good for a new writer.