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The story of the Straker house.

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It was a rainy day on October 12, 2000 at 6:00 in Kirtland, Ohio. There were two teenagers that were dating one another. The young man was named Dan Norton. The young woman was named Susan Torrance. They were about seventeen at the time. A long time ago probably in the twenties or so, there was a man named Gerald Straker. Gerald was a very disturbed man you see, he killed himself after killing his family. He owned a house which at one time the biggest house in town. His house was situated on top of a hill that overlooked Kirtland. Every night the sun would be at the tip of his house and the house's shadow engulfed the entire block in darkness. Now when he killed his family he supposedly heard the house talk to him. Gerald said the house told him to kill, to mutilate the ones he loved. So he did. They were vicious murders, you will feel sympathy for these poor people they were not killed instantly oh no. They were tortured. When they found Gerald's son, Gerald Straker Jr., His throat was ripped open, blood dripped from the wound in his neck. His legs were tied on the bed pole so he was hanging upside down. The cause of death for Gerald's son was loss of blood, which means his father ripped open his throat and left him hanging upside down to die. Can you imagine the pain and the confusion? The thought that your father, with no reason at all ripped your neck open and hung you upside doen to die?

His wife's death was much more gruesome. You see she had two broken legs. Gerald threw her down the cellar stairs. Which was not a long time on the stairs because he somehow cut the stairs off after the third step, don't think there weren't many steps there were the distance from the cellar door to the floor was seven feet. Now you may think that's it but it isn't. For after he cut the stairs off after the third step, he put knives in the ground. He ripped off the handles so when she fell she fell on knives twenty of them if my memory serves me correctly. She was impaled with knives.

Now that you know the history of the house I can tell you about the tragedy that befell Susan and Dan. "You know where we should go honey?"Asked Susan. "Where?" "That old house up on that hill" "Yeah then we would get some privacy."Said Dan. Dan and Susan had no idea of Gerald's murders. As Dan and Susan went up to that old house Dan felt as if someone was watching them. When they opened the door to Gerald's house it was unlocked. "Weird,"said Dan. "What's weird hun?"Asked Susan. "The door was unlocked." "We need somewhere where no one can see us,"said Susan. "Let's try the cellar."said Dan. When they approached the cellar Dan heard someone call his name. "You go slip into something more revealing and I'll go wait."said Dan. Dan wanted to go to what was calling him, he wanted to go to it more than he wanted to have sex with Susan. "Okay, but hurry up,"said Susan in the sexiest voice Dan had ever heard. But he still wanted to go to what was calling him more. As Dan went up the stairs the voice got louder. "Dan....come here Dan I have to show you something."said the voice. Dan approached the room where Gerald Jr. was killed. "Coming."he muttered. When Dan was inside he saw Gerald, Gerald Jr., and Gerald's wife Claudia. "You have to do something for us Dan." Gerald Sr. told him. "You see Dan I killed my wife, and son because the house told me too. I commited suicide after I killed them, I did it with this," Gerald Sr. held out a shot gun "Take it Dan kill Susan then yourself and join us. It feels so good when your with us."Gerald Jr. said "Alright, I will." Said Dan. "Good."the Straker family said in unison.
As Susan walked into the cellar she noticed the stairs looked like the were cut apart at one time. She undressed when she saw Dan. "Dan turn on the light."said Susan. "Alright, what ever you say Claudia."said Dan. "Claudia who...You don't sound the same are you alright? Turn on the light Dan!" Susan demanded. When Dan turned on the light she noticed that Dan looked different. So she put her clothes back on and told him to stop acting like an asshole. That enraged Dan "How dare you call me that Claudia!" "Who the hell is Claudia are you seeing someone else?" "Oh no, You'll know who Claudia is in no time." Dan threw his head back and laughed like a maniac. Dan aimed the shotgun at Susan and fired. Susan felt the bullets puncture her body. She was still alive when she hit the floor, but not for long. She looked at Dan and he said "You will understand everything soon enough my dear Susan." Dan lifted the butt of the gun and bashed her skull untill Susan thought no more. Dan then put the barrels of the shot gun in his mouth and fired.
 

screwy

BIG BLACK DICKS
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#2
There are so many things wrong with this story, I don't even know where to begin.

Poorly written, boring, awful dialogue...

But mostly it's just a ripoff of Salem's Lot. Daggers at the bottom of the stairs? Come on. I've read the book.
 
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Yeah. The other one I made was better. I was wondering if anyone else read 'Salem's Lot. This was sort of a hidden question that was really long. I usually make better stories. I promise you Screw Ball I will have a better story whenever it comes to me.
 

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
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#4
I hated how you started this story off and then broke it up with to much narrator’s opinions. It was as if you were fighting between someone telling the tale or writing the tale (meaning in present tense). The flow more often then not was broken or didn’t appear to be there at all. The chars were a little 2d and the description was lacking. There were some good parts of it, but in the text you lay it in. It just seemed to be randomly placed.

Edited
 

Easty

Click click boom
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#8
the dialogue isnt exactly what made this story grotesque and intriguing, it was the actions that went down. nice job.
 

screwy

BIG BLACK DICKS
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#9
Eastside, I fucking hate you, but I will recommend Salem's Lot for your reading pleausure.

I loves me some early Stephen King.
 
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screw_ball said:
Eastside, I fucking hate you, but I will recommend Salem's Lot for your reading pleausure.

I loves me some early Stephen King.
you don't like new Stephen King?
 

fuck_you

Banned - What an Asshat!
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#11
i doubt you wrote all that and if you did , dont quite your day job.
 

Easty

Click click boom
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#12
screw ball, you need to go screw yourself. i dont give half a shit if you care about me or not. so just take some ritalin, calm the fuck down and shut the fuck up.
 
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fuck_you said:
i doubt you wrote all that and if you did , dont quite your day job.
This story was a result of a simple equation.

Salem's Lot + Vodka=bad ideas. :beer: I am actually more creative than this story would suggest. My other story is better but not that much better.

I've only read two bad Stephen King books in my time. Misery :thumbsdn:
Gerald's Game :thumbsdn: . On Writing :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
 
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