WTF ... IS WTF!?
We are a collective of people who believe in freedom of speech, the rights of individuals, and free pancakes! We share our lives, struggles, frustrations, successes, joys, and prescribe to our own special brand of humor and insanity. If you are looking for a great place to hang out, make new friends, find new nemeses, and just be yourself, WTF.com is your new home.

The Ultimate Flame

Status
Not open for further replies.

Jenkies

The Dude
58
0
0
#1
I present the ultimate flame, this is directed towards everyone.

You're an idiot. A moron of the highest order. You're
so stupid it's a wonder you can remember to breathe.
Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were
coated with Teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate
transportation in order to avoid even being in the
same state as you. If you had an original thought it
would die of loneliness before the hour was out.

You are walking, talking proof that you don't have to
be sentient to survive, and that Barnum was thinking
of you when he uttered
his immortal phrase regarding the birth of a sucker.
You are, at varying times, tedious, boring, earth
shatteringly hilarious in your idiocy, childish,
moronic, pathetic, wretched, disgusting and pitiful.
You are wholly without any redeeming social graces or
value. If God ever decides to give the planet an enema
you'd better run like the wind because anywhere you
stand is a suitable place for The Insertion. And you
probably dress funny, too.

There is no animal so disgusting, so vile that it
deserves comparison to you, for even the lowest,
dirtiest, most parasitic member of the animal kingdom
fills an ecological niche. You fill no niche.

To call you a parasite would be injurious to the
thousands of honest parasitic species. You are worse
than vermin, for vermin does not pretend to be what it
is not. You are truly human garbage.

You are a fraudulent, lying, predatory charlatan. You
are worthless compared to burnt-out light bulbs. Your
will forever live in shame. You have nothing to say,
and Godwin's Law does not apply when writing about
you.

You are the anti-Midas, for all that you touch becomes
valueless and unusable. Mothers gather their children
close when you appear. You are Nature's way of saying
"&#%!!" You should get a real job but you are
unemployable. You misspell short words and I doubt you
can dance.

You are as an oil slick upon a natural paradise. You
would proposition Jonbenet Ramsey, and seduce her with
bogus lines. You have made Tim Thorne look competent.
You spoil everybody's day, and your horoscope is
rarely accurate.

You are an aberration, a corruption, a boil on the Net
that needs to be lanced. You are a poison we need to
vomit. You are a tooth so rotten it infects the whole
body. You are sperm that should have been captured in
a condom and flushed down a toilet. You are no fun,
and you don't know how to post.

I have a strong wish for you to be attacked by a herd
of horny
silverback gorillas infected with CCHF. I hope the
judge orders Rusty the Bailiff to spank you repeatedly
as the jury laughs hysterically and Oxford grins like
the Mona Lisa. I pray a power spike of a size to make
Nikola Tesla drool turns your doublewide into
something resembling a microwaved Faberge egg. I'd
like to see you selling roses in the jailhouse
cafeteria, dreams of bliss with children that never
will be in such a newly bottom fed sex life making you
bawl uncontrollably.

I don't like you. I don't like anybody who has as
little respect for
others as you do. Go away.

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag
of filth. As we say on Earth. I'll bet you couldn't
pour piss out of a boot with instructions from your
ex-CO. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I
would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a
spineless little worm deserving nothing but the
profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel.
Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a
stench, revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant
dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal
accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An
insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody,
abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who
sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of
what they had done.


I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging
to the same species as you. You are a monster, an
ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.
You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid
you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You
are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did
I mention you smell?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material
before attempting to impress us with your insight. The
evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be
available to readers, but they will be able to access
it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk
pick you up, drive
its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid
set you loose to
fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the
frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke
on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite,
foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are
grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and
disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look
down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You
are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and
lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally
self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced
opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that
you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would
have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat,
spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of
the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are
ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent
of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless
void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you
puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you're a halfwit. You remind me of
drool. You are deficient in all that lends character.
You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank
and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the
source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and
sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lager lout git. You bloody woofer sod.
Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless
base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish
foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You
gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained
clot pole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You
craven dewberry pisshead cockup prating naff. You
gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You
dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed
flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath.
You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel
debased just for knowing you exist. I despise
everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean
rock-hard "I didn't say a bad job I said a PISS-POOR
job" stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so
stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into
a whole different dimension of stupid. You are
trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid.

Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the
neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that
no intellect can escape. Quantum singularity stupid.
Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit
more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits
in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a
troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this
stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from
the original big bang stupid. Some pure essence of a
stupid so uncontaminated by anything else
as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm
sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid
for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for
a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride
your ignorant questions and half baked comments about
unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel.
D'oh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners.
I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote,
because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your
attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful.
I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults
among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe
later in life, after you have learned to read, write,
study, spell, and count, you will have more success.
True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us
"normal" people take for granted that everyone has an
easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that
there are "challenged" persons in this world who find
these things more difficult. If I had known, that this
was your case then I would have never read your posts.
It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like
parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of
luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem
to be placing such a demand on you.
 

BrIONwoshMunky

EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!
Staff
9,653
1,302
387
#3
I shall be the second to reply with but a simple...

TL;DR

Many more shall follow, of that I am sure. :thumbsdn: :p



Jenkies said:
I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote,
because, well... it didn't really say anything.
:redface:
 

Noob

Banned - What an Asshat!
5,355
3
0
#4
You took your time to do this. :p
 

Woodreaux

Original Dicksman
2,429
0
0
#6
Dammit Goku, TL DR and try something original next time.
 

Jenkies

The Dude
58
0
0
#7
Learn to speed read you lazy bastards! Oh and I copied and pasted this, I figured many have allready seen this but there are some funny comments for those that have'nt
 

Noob

Banned - What an Asshat!
5,355
3
0
#8
Are you british?

You sound like Tony Blair.
 

Jung

???
Premium
13,993
1,401
487
#9
Jenkies said:
Learn to speed read you lazy bastards! Oh and I copied and pasted this, I figured many have allready seen this but there are some funny comments for those that have'nt
I have limited time to read this forum during work. I think you'll find that I, like most, won't bother to read a lengthy thread in this forum. It's devoid of any real meaning...
 

Jenkies

The Dude
58
0
0
#13
This thread is obviously a troll and you have all fallen victim to my bait, obviously no one would expect anyone to read a post of this length :)
 

Fire_ze_Missles

Martha Fuckin' Stewart
1,622
5
38
#14
Jenkies said:
This thread is obviously a troll and you have all fallen victim to my bait, obviously no one would expect anyone to read a post of this length :)

No; you, sir, are a troll. :thumbsup:
 

Jung

???
Premium
13,993
1,401
487
#15
Jenkies said:
This thread is obviously a troll and you have all fallen victim to my bait, obviously no one would expect anyone to read a post of this length :)
People read long threads, just not long shitty threads.
 

RageAgainst

Chaotic Neutral
7,540
506
257
#16
I've read like 1/4 too and got bored.. Basically it's a long ass text that says "you suck" in an elaborate manner...
 

jamesp

In Memory...
1,714
1
0
#17
pretty much, i didnt even get a quarter of it done before i decided that it wasnt worth reading.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.