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thoughts

FUBAR

Jean Jacket Tough Guy
346
0
0
#1
Can I scream loud enough…..will I pass out and die…or just be heard and left be….will I be allowed to quiver in a corner by myself crying for help…..i just wish they would try to understand…that maybe there is more to this human that lies a sobbing piece of flesh in front of them….maybe they should try and realize that an exterior is just that…theres always a deeper finding…does anyone want to know the insanity that I face each and every day…do they wish to cry my tears of pain and sorrow with me…or do they just want to be able to call me down and say im an asshole and a psycho and not find what may lie beneath….a deep dark…years of hiding emotional torment…these feelings cannot be held for much longer…the breaking point is near….but who will be the recipeipent of my years of sorrow and unhappiness…my insides turned by that which cannot be said or explained….what if they knew what I really was….of course there is truth in my exterior but what about the rest of a person….the side people don’t think exists and are not bothered enough to try and find….the side that wishes for love…fuck happiness…love…it shall lead me to my happiness…some say no…but everyone has different wants and needs from life…I just want to know someone is there to love me and wants to know about everything I do…and why I do it….why I go on…I wish I didn’t have to hide the reason I go on from myself…plague my soul with music to calm it before I try and place it to rest once more…this hole wont let it die….let it rest….its missing half…its better half…the one which brings me all my light…fills the dark….the thing that will bring a smile to a dead face of bitterness…what if no one ever tries or cares to dig to what lies beneath??? Where shall I turn….to myself…that has been no help so far…I turn to friends…but alas they are long gone and enjoying a life of lies and blindings…but I will not go…my parents shall not be burdened…I wont make them suffer. The tears that come to my eyes when I read about things like that…we are meant to outlast our parents…when people decide to deny them that…they need no more grief…many have had their parents taken from them…they don’t need there surpasers being left behind…for every sorrowful tear that has fallen from my frugal face…for everytime I almost broke down and just fell to the ground…for everytime I was awakened by music….for everytime I have been saved…for everytime I feel a need to turn to what isn’t there…how do you explain years of pent up emotion to a person in one moment….i am no black hole…I cannot keep adding to a pile of emotions…good or bad…that pile will fall…but to whom and where is a question I cannot even answer…but I just hope they can realize that I am not trying to fool them…that I am trying to free a tormented soul so it can remember the happy light filled childhood it had once before…but alas…being dead on the inside just isn’t dead enough…having a soul of black that wishes for more than just physical attraction and pleasure…something to fill the soul…make it complete...amazing how my soul is so full yet to me so empty…but one tiny piece will make it complete…and yet empty it at the same time…all the emotion…my tears will fall…heavy and hard…I just hope it falls onto the right persons shoulder
 

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
4,674
16
0
#3
It was hard to keep myself focused from a readers point of view, It was alright, i can relate... But this is one of those peices your write let the idea the words age a bit and come back too.....


i know your proballything thats how i felt. Not asking you to change how you feel asking you to give it a second glance
 

FUBAR

Jean Jacket Tough Guy
346
0
0
#4
_Kitana_ said:
It was hard to keep myself focused from a readers point of view, It was alright, i can relate... But this is one of those peices your write let the idea the words age a bit and come back too.....


i know your proballything thats how i felt. Not asking you to change how you feel asking you to give it a second glance
well see the thing is....i havent even read this yet and really have minimal idea of what its about...i just wrote down my thought process for about 2 minutes...saved it......said hey what teh hell...posted it....so any criticism is quite acceptable and glad to be heard
 

morelos

lexicon incognito
1,952
0
0
#5
fubar, that's ok. at least you have something to aspire to.

i can "[move someone] to tears," but only with "hollow, empty," but "well-written words."
 

darksinner

the big green demon
92
0
0
#6
wow i would seriously mentaly injure alot of people if i just wrote down my random thaught proccess
 

_Kitana_

Angel of Death
4,674
16
0
#7
morelos said:
fubar, that's ok. at least you have something to aspire to.

i can "[move someone] to tears," but only with "hollow, empty," but "well-written words."
ur words were once inoccent and sweet to me, till i read who they came from and they lost all meaning....


like fools gold
 
#8
FUBAR said:
Can I scream loud enough…..will I pass out and die…or just be heard and left be….will I be allowed to quiver in a corner by myself crying for help…..i just wish they would try to understand…that maybe there is more to this human that lies a sobbing piece of flesh in front of them….maybe they should try and realize that an exterior is just that…theres always a deeper finding…does anyone want to know the insanity that I face each and every day…do they wish to cry my tears of pain and sorrow with me…or do they just want to be able to call me down and say im an asshole and a psycho and not find what may lie beneath….a deep dark…years of hiding emotional torment…these feelings cannot be held for much longer…the breaking point is near….but who will be the recipeipent of my years of sorrow and unhappiness…my insides turned by that which cannot be said or explained….what if they knew what I really was….of course there is truth in my exterior but what about the rest of a person….the side people don’t think exists and are not bothered enough to try and find….the side that wishes for love…fuck happiness…love…it shall lead me to my happiness…some say no…but everyone has different wants and needs from life…I just want to know someone is there to love me and wants to know about everything I do…and why I do it….why I go on…I wish I didn’t have to hide the reason I go on from myself…plague my soul with music to calm it before I try and place it to rest once more…this hole wont let it die….let it rest….its missing half…its better half…the one which brings me all my light…fills the dark….the thing that will bring a smile to a dead face of bitterness…what if no one ever tries or cares to dig to what lies beneath??? Where shall I turn….to myself…that has been no help so far…I turn to friends…but alas they are long gone and enjoying a life of lies and blindings…but I will not go…my parents shall not be burdened…I wont make them suffer. The tears that come to my eyes when I read about things like that…we are meant to outlast our parents…when people decide to deny them that…they need no more grief…many have had their parents taken from them…they don’t need there surpasers being left behind…for every sorrowful tear that has fallen from my frugal face…for everytime I almost broke down and just fell to the ground…for everytime I was awakened by music….for everytime I have been saved…for everytime I feel a need to turn to what isn’t there…how do you explain years of pent up emotion to a person in one moment….i am no black hole…I cannot keep adding to a pile of emotions…good or bad…that pile will fall…but to whom and where is a question I cannot even answer…but I just hope they can realize that I am not trying to fool them…that I am trying to free a tormented soul so it can remember the happy light filled childhood it had once before…but alas…being dead on the inside just isn’t dead enough…having a soul of black that wishes for more than just physical attraction and pleasure…something to fill the soul…make it complete...amazing how my soul is so full yet to me so empty…but one tiny piece will make it complete…and yet empty it at the same time…all the emotion…my tears will fall…heavy and hard…I just hope it falls onto the right persons shoulder
pretty good
 

morelos

lexicon incognito
1,952
0
0
#9
kitana said:
ur words were once inoccent and sweet to me, till i read who they came from and they lost all meaning....
five words which should be taken more seriously than any words i've ever said to you:

you do not know me.