Translate this for me please

[dookie]

i live with a philipino flatmate, he is a real weirdo. i think he's a seventh day adventist. anyhow, i put some funny baby jokes on the fridge door (how do you stop a baby crawling in circles? nail it's other hand to the floor).

this is the message he left me, probably after reading the jokes, i am having great difficulty decoding what the fuck he is trying to say:

"I USED TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY THAT BLOKES DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES BUT WITH MY EXPERIENCE HERE I JUST JOINED THE CLUB.
FOLLOW THE LAW WHERE EVER YOU ARE OR YOU'LL BE KICKED OUT!
BLAME THE GOV'T MATE."

any ideas??

 

[skylinec]

It says "You are an asshat" seriously i have no idea.

 

[Smoke]

No one knows, no one cares.

 

[MsPunK]

"I USED TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY THAT BLOKES DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES BUT WITH MY EXPERIENCE HERE I JUST JOINED THE CLUB.
FOLLOW THE LAW WHERE EVER YOU ARE OR YOU'LL BE KICKED OUT!
BLAME THE GOV'T MATE."

any ideas??

I used to live in a country where all the cool guys didnt follow the rules. With the experience i have had of rules and order in your country i have decided to tell you I play it safe in a cool american language but i cant do it properly so you probably wont understand. I will most probably be deported if I do something wrong and I am too naive to realise you wont be. So be careful or you may be asked to leave the country!!It is all your governments fault.

 

[gurlgonewild]

I used to live in a country where all the cool guys didnt follow the rules. With the experience i have had of rules and order in your country i have decided to tell you I play it safe in a cool american language but i cant do it properly so you probably wont understand. I will most probably be deported if I do something wrong and I am too naive to realise you wont be. So be careful or you may be asked to leave the country!!It is all your governments fault.

what she said

 

[tzedek]

..

It says "You are an asshat"

 

[dookie]

I used to live in a country where all the cool guys didnt follow the rules. With the experience i have had of rules and order in your country i have decided to tell you I play it safe in a cool american language but i cant do it properly so you probably wont understand. I will most probably be deported if I do something wrong and I am too naive to realise you wont be. So be careful or you may be asked to leave the country!!It is all your governments fault.

very good interpretation, except one minor detail, it's australia, not america
but good job nonetheless

UPDATE: he's kicking me out. i've got 2 weeks to find another place, AND THIS JOKE IS THE ONE THAT DID IT, FOR SOME REASON HE FOUND IT REALLY OFFENSIVE

Q: what's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib?
A: a paedophile!

 

[MsPunK]

Judging by the grasp he has on your language he probably thought it says
Q-I bob up and down in babys cribs. A-I am a peadophile!! poor fool

 

[dookie]

yeah, he's a seventh day adventist, which is more strict than being a mormon, so yeah, he shoulda kicked my ass and told me i'm going to hell

 

[MsPunK]

lol well dude im sorry to hear youre being kicked out- put this note on your fridge next time , "no more peado jokes on fridge"