WTF ... IS WTF!?
We are a collective of people who believe in freedom of speech, the rights of individuals, and free pancakes! We share our lives, struggles, frustrations, successes, joys, and prescribe to our own special brand of humor and insanity. If you are looking for a great place to hang out, make new friends, find new nemeses, and just be yourself, WTF.com is your new home.

Vacation, Death, Anxiety, and Pregnancy...sounds like an intense think piece header...

ib4

Error
Staff
1,849
2,805
257
TL;DR
I hate flying. Maui was fun, but definitely a lot of work with a 2 year old. My sister has cancer and passes away. I'm struggling with grieving. My wife is pregnant. Hope a new and fresh chapter is coming.

Some Background
Its been a crazy past month. We recently went to Maui, my wife, daughter, mother in law, mother in laws brother, sister in law, and sister in laws soon to be fiance. We have a nice size time share there at an awesome resort. We were very excited for this trip, especially because its been two years since we've been. Prior to having a child we went to Maui/Kauai every year or so. Or at least did a big trip somewhere every year.

This year though it was with a 2 year old. Lordy, was it a part time job. It almost made it hard to relax and feel like it was vacation. Either way, it was a nice trip. Leading up to it I had a lot of anxiety because I do not like to fly. When I was in the military I had a couple almost crashes in helicopters. Oddly though, it didn't bother me like PTSD till many years later. Flying never used to bother me.

The Cancer
So, prior to this trip, a few weeks ago my 4th oldest sister had learned 3 months before her 5 year remission anniversary that her Acute Myeloid Leukemia had returned. She noticed a lot of bruising on her legs from her dogs playing gently around her. So she went to get checked out and they admitted her immediately. They found that she had NO BLOOD PLATELETS. She could not clot blood in her body. So due to this complication, they could not treat her cancer with the bone marrow transplant and other really effect methods from the first time. They had to use a special treatment. That treatment was $29k for a 90 day supply of pills. Feeling helpless and on the other side of the country, I started a GoFundme. I didn't think it was going to do well, and it ended up earning $8,000 from many donors!

Just before I left for Hawaii, everyone around my family was donating platelets to try and find a match for my sister. At the same time, one night she slipped in the bathroom after fainting. She hit her head on the sink. This initiated a series of brain bleeds. She was fine in all visual ways. However, because her blood still could not clot, donations had really just begun, her brain bleeding slowly increased over the following week. On the second to last day of my Hawaii trip, my sister got news that her body was going into remission again! The treatment had worked!!

I went back to enjoying my trip knowing my sister had received good news. Especially because I worried cancer may win since cancer has a bad rep for recurrences. We finally get back home, I am happy to be done flying. I go to sleep extra early that day so I can wake early, and do my usual 4am routine of having me time before my daughter and wife wake up. Then at 630am my sister sends a text to my 10 sibling viber group saying, "I don't have any other information at the time and this is the quickest way to let you all know, Ashley had a stroke and is probably not going to make it"...

She Passes
My sister passed later that day. Out of all 9 of my siblings, 3 of them are close to me. We all grew up exasperated because of my mom and dads poor life choices. I grew up in 7 different families homes. In one of those chapters, my sister Ashley and I lived together through two homes. We suffered together while my dad was addicted to meth and we had no running water or electricity. We would starve regularly, etc. Her and I had a bond from that. Also, out of all of our siblings, he and I were unique. We were the only "realest" in our family. I loved her deeply. I miss her deeply. People have died around me before, but it never hurt this way this does. I guess with how I've been handling this, one would say this is my first real death with grieving. Ashley was 35 and did everything right for herself. With no help or privileges, she got out of the hood we lived in and made a life for herself. She worked nonstop and did school non stop, no breaks, no excuses, until she achieved the success she wanted. She was the first one out of all of us to be truly successful and buy her own house all on her own. She was truly a fine human. There wont be a day, week, month, or year that does by where I wont be thinking about her and missing her.

Pregnant
I have been really stressed out from these recent weeks. The passing of my sister hasn't been good for my mind. I have never experienced real grieving before. Like many things, it was something I doubted before having experience with the matter myself.Anyway, I have been doing my best to get through it and focus on work. Last night my wife took a prego test because we gave it a little try in Hawaii. Sure enough, as it runs in my family, I am a straight and healthy shooter. Number 2 is in the oven! I wanted to be super excited, but with the passing of my sister and the stress from it, it feels a little weird. Luckily I have 9 months to re-calibrate and be ready. Anyway, if you got this far, you are an awesome human. This was the best way for me to get some pressure released from my head. I appreciate you reading, and if you decided to reply, thank you for that too!
 
Last edited:

Jason

Voorhees a jolly good fellow!
Founder
6,889
5,154
537
Wow that's tough...

I haven't the words. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. I've had illness in the family and its an awful thing to go through especially when getting jerked around with good news then bad news... Cancer is horrendous.

Congratulations on #2 though, that should be an excellent adventure. Maybe if its a girl, you may already have a good name to consider?

You know where I am if you want to talk in any more detail, bro.. My best to you and the family..
 
  • 1Hug
  • 1Like
Reactions: ib4 and YogurtExplosion

MaxPower

You're my number two
Staff
17,118
7,609
637
I'm sure we've all had points where we feel as though a lot has been lumped into us. But this takes the cake. You have my most sincere condolences. As BRiT says though. You have that ray of sunlight on the way. And a family who love eachother. Focus on the good things brother.
 
  • 1Hug
  • 1Like
Reactions: Jason and ib4

Jane Deere

CEO at Janer's Garage
Staff
9,613
5,995
387
I don't have the right words to say what I want to say. I am so sorry for the horrible loss. I have been praying for peace and comfort for you and your family. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

At the same time I'm so happy for you guys and baby #2! Congratulations!
 
  • 1Hug
  • 1Like
Reactions: ib4 and YogurtExplosion

ib4

Error
Staff
1,849
2,805
257
Wow that's tough...

I haven't the words. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. I've had illness in the family and its an awful thing to go through especially when getting jerked around with good news then bad news... Cancer is horrendous.

Congratulations on #2 though, that should be an excellent adventure. Maybe if its a girl, you may already have a good name to consider?

You know where I am if you want to talk in any more detail, bro.. My best to you and the family..
Thank you guys for your comments. As for the name, we keep thinking its going to be a girl because I am one of ten and 8 of them are women. Also, I am the only son of an only son for like 5+ generations. Our original decision was Alaska James Luethi. With the passing of my sister we were thinking about using her middle name. Her name is Ashley Diane Thompson(Luethi). So we were thinking maybe Alaska Diane Luethi. But we are still working on it. Suggestions are welcome :)
 
  • 1Like
Reactions: YogurtExplosion

BrIONwoshMunky

EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!
Staff
9,855
4,236
387
Cancer fucking sucks. Losing loved ones after a period of remission seems to double suck. My family lost an aunt and my mother to that shit and they were both rough. People always talk about 'fighting cancer'. Patients have their fight directly with it, and friends and family have their own simply trying to understand and deal with the fallout. Grabbing onto the bits and pieces of information that gets passed along gets more exhausting the closer you are. It's like some horrific rollercoaster of emotion you would never wish upon even your worst enemy.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm sorry anyone has to go through that.

With Mom, I get caught looking back at the end, which was a time filled with suckitude, but always ALWAYS make sure to keep thinking about all the things that made me love her, even towards the end. So, keep that love close. It's still just as powerful, warming, and comforting as it always was.

Cancer can end a life, but it doesn't take it. Mom died of cancer but it wasn't her life. Her life was our family, our love for each other, and what she gave for everyone around her. Your sister's story is the same. Cancer is the reason she left this world, not the reason she was in it.

It's wonderful to hear that your family is getting bigger! You seem like you're being an awesome dad already, and now you get even more awesomeness! I also chuckle a bit at picturing you in a house full of that estrogen.

I hope nothing but the best for you and your cute-as-hell family.