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Virginity - Let's talk about sex...

angrywelshman

Philosopher
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I almost had sex earlier this spring but the relationship ended like...a week before we had consented when we would try and do it.Thank God. So much shit has happened and now we hate each other. Good thing I wouldn't have her to remember my first time by! And she wasn't a virgin either so it would have been just...not as good as I would have imagined.

The only problem for me is that no girls are willing to date me. I find myself perfectly sociable, I know practically every person in the school...I guess I'll have to wait until college, until I find someone who actually has a personality, natural skin/hair color, intelligence, you know....shit that most teenage ditzes are missing.
 

Danni

Derp in the North
Premium
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I made the mistake of losing my virginity when I was fourteen to a guy who was just a plain asshole. Not only did he end up using me just for sex, but he ended up physically harming me as well.

He's still unmarried and has a kid now. I'm glad that wasn't me.

As for now, I'm engaged at the moment, and we're being abstinent until the big night.
 

Gunslinger4887

ALL IS LOST!!!!
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I ALMOST lost my v-card about 2 days ago...... good thing massive amounts of liquor keeps ya down enough to not fully get it in there....

guh.. I feel durtay
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
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I started having sex at about age 12-13 By 16 I was pregnant with no future and no job. So here's the trick to having sex---think about it. I love my kids and do not regret anything. My life has been a series of good and bad, and I can deal with that. The problem is a lot of kids can't. Chances are if you lose your virgiinty you will wind up pregnant and never do anything that you can do without having a kid. I missed graduation, high school, partying on my 18th and 21st birthdays.

Wiegh the options. If I had known then what I know now, I still would have had my son, but a few years after high school.

ALSO, and this is very important You are not ready for sex if:

You have to ask if you are ready.
You want to impress your significant other.
You want someone to love you.
You want to impress your friends.
You are doing it on a dare (no shit--and no, that wasn't me)
You are not on birth control.
You are failing any high school class.
You don't have a job.
Your mother buys all of your necessities.
You think it will make you popular.
You want to be popular.
You are popular and everyone laughs at you because you are a virgin.
You can't figure out how to put on a condom, or the condom keeps falling off.


LOOK

Virginity is the ONLY thing in life you have ONE shot at (pun intended). Be careful who you chose to give it too---and that goes for BOYS and girls too.

PS

You are especially not ready for sex if you thought movies like Forty Year Old Virgin and Forty Days/ Forty Nights were about sex.
 

mth

Banned - What an Asshat!
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Here's some fun facts for everyone:

By the time they reach the age of 20, 20 percent of boys and 24 percent of girls have not had sexual intercourse. - http://www.siecus.org/pubs/fact/fact0001.html
The United States, at 48.8 births per 1,000 women aged 15–19 in 2000, has the highest teen birth rate in the developed world. - wikipedia
That's just under 4.9%.

So, from those statistics, we can conclude that of the 80% of teenagers having sex, about 7% wind up pregnant. That's not much. 1 in 14. Note, my figures aren't exact, I just worked it out approximately, it's probably even less in reality.

Use a condom, take contraceptives, resort to the morning after pill if things go wrong. Be careful, in your sexual activitites and in choosing who to do it with, and you'll be fine.

There's a risk involved, of course, as with everything in life. One can minimise this risk by just being careful; if you're with someone who's slept with 20 other people, chances are they've got some disease. Solution; don't go out with someone who's slept with 20 people, and if you do, then have that partner do the relevant medical tests.

My opinion: Sex before marriage is fine, but don't be a slut. Know and trust the person you intend on sleeping with, and you'll have less of a chance of getting an STD.

At least 80% of the people at my university are having, or have had sex, yet I don't see any of them pushing prams around. I would say that under 1% of them have kids.

I don't think that abstinance is really feasible in today's society, a better solution, in my opinion, is to be sexually savvy regarding how to take care of yourself.
 

meh_it_all

WTF.com Sexy Pimp-ette.
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I think the most important points in this thread are;

Your virginity is a one time thing.

STD's, HIV or AIDS can happen to anyone, and it can take just one time. It's a chance of your life, if you're not careful.

Another case of being careless, getting pregnent, or the girl pregnent.

You may think it's cool to loose your virginity early, cos well you can tell your friends about how mature you are.

But-- Are you really that mature to deal with it?

Like mth said, know and trust the person, you can never totally know someone, but you sure as hell try, if you have any doubt about it. That's where you can go wrong.

Yes, I am only 17, and yes I have had sex before.

Look after yourself because no one else with while you're doing it.
Have some smarts about you before you go through with it.

And under all means, do not do it if you feel pressured. AT ALL.
 

Majakovskij

Synthesizer
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I lost my virginity when I was 13 at a party. Some drunk older boy that persuaded an ever drunk me that it would be a great idea. Well I blamed myself for that several years and tried to compensate it with having sex with anyone I could just because. Don't ask me why, it had and have no sense.

But after I had sex for the first time with someone I really liked, when I was 17 I changed my view on the whole thing. To have sex with someone you really like is still the best thing, but I don't say no til some sex with an attractive person if I can find it and don't have anything else.

Think before you do it, or anyway with who, anytime, even if you are not a virgin.
 

HoneyImHome

sugar-coated cynicism
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That's the problem with statistics. It turns people into numbers. 7% seems pretty benign, but that's 7 teens out of 100. I feel safe saying I know atleast 100 of my daughter's female classmates, and if 7 of them were to get pregnant, it would be too many. If this thread might help change even one person's perspective then I'm fine with that.

Also, I have to wonder what the statistics are for STD's which can be worse than pregnancy in many cases. As per Jude's numbers, I'd say that is a big reason abstinence is a good idea, besides the fact of simple regret later in life. I know, like DG, if I knew then what I know now, things would have been vastly different for me as well. I didn't have any children out of wed-lock, but I thought sex would improve my life when I was a teen. This thread is just here to help younger people realize that they are not alone.

Oh, and for the guy in high school who claims most high-schoolers aren't lying, I just have to say, I'd have said the same thing back in high school. That was my point, it wasn't until after high school I realized how many did. I bet you'll be surprised later on when you find out how many lied about having or even not having sex, smoking, drinking, drugs, etc...
 

AussieWench

Hoodrat
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I'm with DG. I was having sex far to young, 15 actually. Got pregnant despite using condoms. I married the babies father and we were together for a long time, and miserable for the most part. I think the problem is kids think that its impossible that they could be one of those 7 out of a 100 kids that it happens to. I remeber being a teen & thinking the same thing... it can never happen to me, until it did. I love my kids more than life itself but if I could turn back the clock and have my oldest at 25 instead of just before my 17th birthday you bet your ass I would. Stop & consider the consequences and if you decide you must, at least try to be smart about it .
 

_allismine_

Is now a meme
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I believe that virginity is a precious thing that you give to your lifemate, your soul match, one whom you will not truly find until you are both ready and mature.

I think people who think it's shameful or uncool to be a virgin, or those who are much too eager to give it up, are wrong. It isn't love, it's lust. It isn't being cool, it's giving in to peer pressure and immature temptation.

Personally, I am proud of it, and won't be giving it up to anyone any time soon. It is something very valuable, and should be cherished, not scorned. Virginity is a treasure; one that should not be over-guarded, but not one that should be relinquished easily.

Yeah, I'm a virgin, and I'm proud to say so. I've lived through backstabbing, untrustful, manipulative people, and I doubt that the thick emotional wall that's built up through these past 15 years will be broken down so easily, by a fickle and illusive emotion such as love.

Like many of you, I lie in wait for my soulmate.

I just won't go searching for them anymore.
 

mth

Banned - What an Asshat!
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HoneyImHome said:
That's the problem with statistics. It turns people into numbers. 7% seems pretty benign, but that's 7 teens out of 100. I feel safe saying I know atleast 100 of my daughter's female classmates, and if 7 of them were to get pregnant, it would be too many. If this thread might help change even one person's perspective then I'm fine with that.
Yeah, but just bear in mind that it's not 7 out of 100 teens, it's 7 out of 100 teens that are sexually active (which is 80% of people under the age of 20). Nonetheless your point remains valid; from a social standpoint, having so many pregnant teens is in no way positive. But, I was trying to ilustrate things more from an individuals perpective, who has, statistically, a 7% chance of getting pregnant (of course one can increase or lower his chances depending on the precautions he/she takes).

Yes, STDs are far worse than pregnancy. Pregnancy can be cured at least, many STDs can't.

Of course, even with all the precautions, things can always go wrong. I'm sure that it's possible to be on oral contraceptives, use a condom, and take the morning after pill and still get pregnant, though it is extremely unlikely. None of these things are completely failsafe. It's up to every individual to weigh up for him/herself the costs, the risks and the benefits of engaging in sex, but a person needs to be educated about sex in order to make an informed decision. People need to make their own choices, even if they are 16, they should know enough.

_allismine_ said:
I believe that virginity is a precious thing that you give to your lifemate, your soul match, one whom you will not truly find until you are both ready and mature.
I agree with you. But that doesn't necessarily mean that the chosen person would have to be your life partner, it could just be a person who you would like to immortalise in your memory (and vice versa) as someone with whom you shared an important milestone in your life, someone who was important to you at a time of discovery. Just a possibility, though I don't personally adhere to that line of thought.

I'm not saying that your choosing to wait for a soulmate is wrong, in fact, I think that it's an excellent decision. Bear in mind one thing though, the consequences of making a mistake, after having decided to allow an alleged soulmate that much importance in your life, could be devastating, if, despite all the care you took in choosing, the person turns out to be unsuitable a few years down the line. Whereas someone who does lose their virginity earlier in life, might have a better chance at picking out a good partner, due to that person allowing him/herself to experiment with various people until they find someone who suits them, and people generally get to know each other better and become closer when they've had sex. I think that we shouldn't ignore the benefits that sex has as a learning experiance, both personally (or spiritually if you will), and socially (with regards to interactions with others; respect, care etc.). Sex changes people, and there's a kind of wisdom in it, I think.

Anyway, personally, I do prefer your perspective on the issue, _allismine_, but I think that it also has many dangers, but if it does happen to work out, then a person might just become truly content. Because, yes, once you find that person that suits you perfectly and completes you, you will wish that you never even touched anyone else, as will they.
 

Chad

Banned - What an Asshat!
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I am a virgin. I just want love, right now, I want to love. I want to have emotions at the least.. :(
 

HoneyImHome

sugar-coated cynicism
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Mth, I know what you're saying, I don't dispute that sex is a positive life experience. I just want those who aren't really mature enough to make these decisions based on their own scruples (if you will) and criteria, and not that of others, to understand sex and the severity of its possible consequences (which also include social not just medical). I also want them to know there is no social disgrace against being a virgin, especially in the "real" world outside of high school.

Mostly, I want them to make their decision to have sex when they are a) ready - not when somebody else is telling them to, and b) making the decision to do so for valid reasons (love, affection) not reasons that are fallible, like popularity or to gain respect, or leverage in a relationship.