WTF ... IS WTF!?
We are a collective of people who believe in freedom of speech, the rights of individuals, and free pancakes! We share our lives, struggles, frustrations, successes, joys, and prescribe to our own special brand of humor and insanity. If you are looking for a great place to hang out, make new friends, find new nemeses, and just be yourself, WTF.com is your new home.

War

bigck3000

The Iron Lung
1,684
1
0
#1
Warning...If you cant appreciate incredibly juvenile humor...dont read.


I recently reaveled to the nextdoor neighboors what an "upper decker" is...they thought it was hillarious and I made it clear that I wouldnt do that to someone unless they really deserved it....Well guess what...I just got done cleaning the shit out of the top part of my toilet....As a means to some quick revenge, I put all of the bags with shit in them into one garbage bag....then i took a huge shit in that and dumped it all in this cooler thats been sitting on their front porch. I made sure to smear the inside....I didnt get it as good as i wanted but I took a piss in a cup and poured inside of the cooler as well (they're sleeping and I thought it would be too loud with piss splashing around on garbage bags.).

I am now contemplating my next move....earlier today there was a truce called when they switched my weed blunt with a blunt of re-rolled Philly tobacco. Now the truce is well over and I think the best course of action would be to play it off like I dont know that they did it and reciprocate when they let their guard down. Any decent Ideas?....lets keep a mind for practicality and safety.
 

Woodreaux

Original Dicksman
2,429
0
0
#2
As for reciprocating the blunt switcharoo: find there stash, pull out half of it and replace it with oregano. (Assuming it's schwag, if they have kb, they'll know it's been switched). As for the next offensive:

The next time you have a crawfish boil, after you eating finish eating save about 2 pounds of shells. While they're still wet (but before they really start stinking) shash them down with a mallet, and put them in a bucket. Squeeze the contents of a couple of bottles of rubber cement all over them, stir it a little bit, then roll it around for a while. It should clump into a couple of balls. That night place it in or right outside their house. By the middle of the next day it will begin stinking to high hell! The will be flies, ants and vermin assualting the vicinity. They'll be hating life.
:thumbsup:
 

bigck3000

The Iron Lung
1,684
1
0
#4
isnt that why anyone does anything?


Back on topic....how big do these "balls" get...it might be a good idea if I can get some under this huge mat they have on the front porch....and maybe under the sink.
 

Woodreaux

Original Dicksman
2,429
0
0
#5
It really depends on how much adhesive you use and fast it dries. The idea is for it to clump together so that it can moved as a small number of units, rather than a blob of shit. If you're going to put it under a mat then you don't really need to bother with making it stick together, just flatten it down, put it place and put the mat on top of it! :thumbsup:
Crawfish shells, shrimp heads, crab shells all work extremely well. Feces smell horrible from the get go and make a mess everywhere. Seafood waste is easier to handle, you have a delay period before it gets ripe and once it starts reeking it smells worse than shit. :thumbsup:
 

bigck3000

The Iron Lung
1,684
1
0
#6
Thats kind of too involved.....i need something i can throw down at a moments notice....I plan on returning the upper decker once they get back to leaving their doors unlocked....I just need some things to break out in the mean time....I fully plan to win this war....with any luck i'll already have three or four things going before they realize it.
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
6,775
251
118
#7
Dig medium-sized holes in random places on their lawn. Polka-dot it.
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
6,775
251
118
#9
Apartment complex?

Where's that devil smilie when you need it?

Bang on the walls. Constantly.

Drop insignificant, but nonetheless annoying-to-lose, objects out of the window (if you live up a couple floors).

Put disgusting porn outside their door. Every morning.

And most importantly, STEAL STUFF from them at every opportunity. Little things. Bars of soap. A spoon. Their newspaper.

:thumbsup:
 

bigck3000

The Iron Lung
1,684
1
0
#10
good idea...they can consider their remote contoller gone....They'll both be gone tommorow afternoon...i'm pretty sure i'll be able to smear more of the shit on the inside of the cooler....i'm just worried that in its current state...its too easy to throw back onto my doorstep.
 

bigck3000

The Iron Lung
1,684
1
0
#11
theres got to be something better than all of this...i'm sure we could get a mighty list going if you people would FOCUS!
 

Lost86

i give up!11 /wrists
216
1
78
#12
Keep them up during the night while pretending you're having some wild sex. Scream, "don't cum there!"
 

bigck3000

The Iron Lung
1,684
1
0
#14
its not about the story....its about shit that I can do to get them back. Come up with ideas...you guys harp on about how sick you are...lets hear it.


update:I just threw some of the shit under their welcome mat and the one dude's family is standing around outside his door. :) :)
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
178
0
#15
wait? you made a poopy in a coooler and smeared it around? on thier porch or did you go insinde?
 

bigck3000

The Iron Lung
1,684
1
0
#16
this is all on their porch...I'm waiting for them to let their guard down so I can get the inside.
 

bnccoder

Postaholic
2,479
0
36
#17
Homaid Smoke Bombs

Throughly mix 2 parts sugar and 1 part salt peter. Then pour the mixture into a pan and heat slowly it will start to caramelize. Once it gets to a dark colored liquid remove from heat and scrape pan clean pouring onto wax paper(DO NOT RETURN PAN TO HEAT UNLESS YOU ARE SURE ALL THE PRODUCT IS OUT OF IT). Allow to cool. After it has reutned to a solid state you can light it and it will produce smoke and burn for a good while. You can also coat plastic objects with the liquid to achieve that loveable burnt plastic smell.
 

bnccoder

Postaholic
2,479
0
36
#18
Soapy Mess

Put a little extra strenth dish soap into the bottom of his dishwasher or the fabric sofener hole in his washing machine but don't start them. Once he does, within half an hour, he will end up with soap and bubbles everywhere. Trust me I speak from experiance.
 

bnccoder

Postaholic
2,479
0
36
#19
Moths?

Each day paint his door knobs and car door handle with a little battery acid. It is not real noticable on skin but it is transfered to clothes easily. Usually within a couple of days he will start noticeing discoloration and holes in his clothes.
 

bigck3000

The Iron Lung
1,684
1
0
#20
i like the soap shit....he took it to the next level and squirted mayo all over my clothes....hes going out tonight with some friends and is not taking his pickup...i've already got a bag of shit waiting.