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I grew up poor so my formative years created nothing but animosity toward birthdays, Christmas and all the other material-centric 'holidays'. I knew Timmy was actually a bad boy but he got all the cool shit anyway. Envy is a magnificent manipulator even to the young. As I grew older my disdain evolved into something much more benign but equally entertaining: quiet observation. I enjoy watching the mindless horde trample each other over free toasters and $200 plasma screens. I enjoy watching my peers whip themselves up into an anxious frenzy over making sure their feral offspring got that Tickle Me Elmo or new X-Box game. I enjoy watching the ham planet in Target pick up the newest scale and look deeply at the box muttering to herself "this is the year" as
...Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing, Ring ting tingle-ing too, Come on, it's lovely weather, For a sleigh ride together with you...plays over the loudspeaker knowing full well that by January 3rd she'll be sneaking through the Taco Bell drive-thru for three Chalupas and a diet Coke. I love everything about it. The marks. The purveyors. The music. The bullshit. The crying. The fighting. The fucking. The food. The foreboding knowledge that this is the year that thousands of kids will be crushed under the weight of learning that No, Charlie...there is no Santa Clause.
Yeah...nobody eats candy, everyone loathes fast food and you can stand out on any nameless suburban street and hear the collective whir of thousands of treadmills being used. That's why everybody is so fucking fat.