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what porn has led me to believe

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Jung

???
Premium
13,983
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#1
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 secs is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly,middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding fine.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients' cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she will only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.

and finally...

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip
 

Skorch

Destroyer of worlds
657
0
16
#3
This is just beautiful. Well done sir, you have succeeded in amusing me and I tip my du-rag to you.
 

DanGeo23

Resident Conservative
1,218
0
0
#5
looks like you have it all fingered... errr... figured out... :thumbsup:
women really love the piledriver
I heard that the "dirty sanchez" is popular with chicks too...
 

dustinzgirl

Banned - What an Asshat!
26,094
178
0
#6
wow.....that was informative. but, I have to say i disagree with
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
rough spanks and whips are much better.
 

MaxPower

You're my number two
Staff
16,857
3,351
487
#7
DanGeo23 said:
looks like you have it all fingered... errr... figured out... :thumbsup: I heard that the "dirty sanchez" is popular with chicks too...
As well as the "Donkey Punch"
 

FUBAR

Jean Jacket Tough Guy
346
0
0
#11
and boston steamers and who could forget the ol SHOCKER
 
#12
junglizm said:
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 secs is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly,middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding fine.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients' cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she will only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.

and finally...

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip
the first time a n00b has ever been right about something
 

Jung

???
Premium
13,983
1,399
487
#14
deus_ex_machina said:
the first time a n00b has ever been right about something
:D i'm a newb here, but not a newb to internet/forums or comedy
 

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
157
#16
That's why I look at hentai/ametuer asian porn.

ROFFEL! It's all so true and funny.
 

Descent

Hella Constipated
7,686
109
157
#18
Nah, I like to think of hentai being the porn with the hottest/cutest chicks on the planet.

LONG LIVE HENTAI
 

Rust

I AM CANADIAN
41
0
0
#19
You forgot to add that a blowjob can be used as payment for any type of delivery.
 

Icarus

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
6,775
248
118
#20
Don't forget the always-popular "Hang man Left" :thumbsup:

Heh heh... nobody has any idea what that means except me.

It would work... in theory.

Also, I've found that all women like "The Emeril" (Bam!) and being "Snowballed" for sure.
 
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