why am I doing this to myself... and her?

[Unforgiven]

As some of you know, i'm in an internet relationship... yeah, everything's going good and stuff...

but lately, it seems i've been falling deeper and deeper into a pit of self pity, dragging her down with me. i say stuff that i don't really mean, i say stuff that i don't know if i mean or not... she tries to help me, and she does. a lot. but i make her feel bad. i make myself feel bad... even if i don't want to.

she has faith in me, where i keep none for myself. i just feel so... hopeless at times. i figure i've been talking like that too much lately, sort of driving her away. i don't know... i just need help.

 

[Seije]

dude i've been doing the same thing lately with people...and others here...i keep dragging myself down that some feel like they just wanna give up cuz i'm not trying to take their advice...like how (it's 1.32am now) yesterday all i had to eat was a small bowl of cereal....i know it sucks not being able to eat so much and i realize how much people are scared i'm gonna starve myself to death, and i'm really really thankful for all their help, but i'm also really really sorry that it's so hard to listen...i hear every word, cept i can't get myself to do anything...so i feel really dumb and down about not taking their advice at times

i don't won't to let people down, i wanna keep everyone happy around me...but i know what you mean...it's hard, you just have to realize there's better things to looks towards in life and focus on them...shun out the things that depress you...i mean you actually have someone now..you should totally be thankful for that, i know i would..but i'm still lonely as hell and i'm dealing with it...and just glad i have those few people left that are becoming good friends to me...great friends really, i can't say how much i enjoy knowing people that actually like me for once...even if i can't see sometimes why they do...probly cuz i'm nice, and that's a first...but whatever it is, thanks...i'm always here for anyone, and you should know how it feels to know there's someone always out there for you


life gets better...if not, i'll figure a way to die and still make it to heaven where i can be in a place of total love and friendship...

 

[gumercules]

i just need help

then absolutely get help, and wtf doesn't count

i'm no expert, in fact i'm probably as far as possible from it. but i'd say your behavior is in some way subconsciously designed to preserve the relationship and build interdependence where there might be a perceived lack. seems like you should sit down and figure out what you're getting from the relationship, and what else, if anything, you're looking for in it

but recognizing the problem is a big step, now the next one is to get info from someone with more education than most anyone here

 

[ReiMeishin]

Here's the best advice I can give to anyone about self help. Make a contract with yourself. Say that for one month you are going to eat properly, exercise like you should, get involved in activities, and work/study hard for one month. Use every last ounce of your willpower to do so. If you aren't feeling happier, healthier, don't have a better outlook, and don't feel that you are overall better off with your new way of life, you can go back to the way you were living before. I garuntee if you stick with a regimine for living well, your going to feel so much better.

The fact of the matter is, though, I'm no psychologist. If you feel so depressed and have the means to get professional help, by all means do so. Don't see it as demeaning. I went through it and in retrospect it was more like mentoring than head shrinking.

 

[Lexx_D]

Man just try and keep you head up and you'll get through it.

I like the eat well, excersise plan given by ReiMeishin. My shits all fucked up too but the only thing I can do is say that shit will get better tomorrow.

Try to keep yourself with a positive outlook and it will get better.

 

[Seije]

see reimeishin you've got a good point there..and that's actually what i've been doing the last couple months

i started that habit of eating like, twice a day instead almost none...and hey i've felt better knowing i'm helping myself, and the fact i'm trying to work out more
the biggest thing i did was quit my last job that was throwing me into so much stress i literatly couldn't take it any longer..so i quit and finally got hired by toyota and i know it's like 3 times further away from my house (35min drive highway) and i know i work like hell 40+ hours a week
but the benefit is that this job absolutly rocks...i get paid almost an extra 200$ more than the last job, paid every week instead of bi-weekly, i don't have to talk to a single customer, i 97% of the time don't have to mess with my managers, the other Lot Techs are my new friends...we skateboard and stuff at times...and it's so awesome all i do is wash cars, detail them, drive cars around, and learn more about them, and i learned how to drive standard there so i'm loving it....
so yes a life style change really helped me alot...kept me being nice all the time..i haven't really thought about suicide or being depressed since august so it's great really

the only reason i brought up the eating thing is that it's been like since february when it started...it got bad at times to...and then it got better with this new job cuz i work like hell and i love to work hard and stay busy, so it gained the apeptite,...and then something went wrong and i spent the last two weeks plumeting back down...but i've slowly started eating more again so whatever it was isn't affecting me much anymore

so yea it is a really good point i've been trying to find words to say...if you try living a happier life, do fun things that help...chances are you'll feel happier as well

 

[dustinzgirl]

then absolutely get help, and wtf doesn't count

i'm no expert, in fact i'm probably as far as possible from it. but i'd say your behavior is in some way subconsciously designed to preserve the relationship and build interdependence where there might be a perceived lack. seems like you should sit down and figure out what you're getting from the relationship, and what else, if anything, you're looking for in it

but recognizing the problem is a big step, now the next one is to get info from someone with more education than most anyone here

I second that. And since we all know that I am never wrong, that makes this statement even more poignant.

Un, if you feel like you are not right, you should seek the help to get to where you feel like you are right. Nobody should live life feeling like they are less of a person, you are a good person, with your own charming qualities, you should write down ten things that you like about yourself. Then focus on what you have that is positive and what you can do to change the things that you dont like, make a contract with yourself, as stated previously.

 

[Seije]

I second that. And since we all know that I am never wrong, that makes this statement even more poignant.

Un, if you feel like you are not right, you should seek the help to get to where you feel like you are right. Nobody should live life feeling like they are less of a person, you are a good person, with your own charming qualities, you should write down ten things that you like about yourself. Then focus on what you have that is positive and what you can do to change the things that you dont like, make a contract with yourself, as stated previously.

i made a contract with myself once...wrote it down signed it...it said that i can never shut up...and since then people tell me i just won't shut up and i tend to be talkative...and since i can't find that stupid piece of paper to rip it up, i'm stuck being a garrulous person

so i need a girl who loves to talk and listen because i will do the same

 

[magnolia]

Faith, hope, and love

As some of you know, i'm in an internet relationship... yeah, everything's going good and stuff...

but lately, it seems i've been falling deeper and deeper into a pit of self pity, dragging her down with me. i say stuff that i don't really mean, i say stuff that i don't know if i mean or not... she tries to help me, and she does. a lot. but i make her feel bad. i make myself feel bad... even if i don't want to.

she has faith in me, where i keep none for myself. i just feel so... hopeless at times. i figure i've been talking like that too much lately, sort of driving her away. i don't know... i just need help.

Well, to bring this thread back to the problem at hand, Your gf has faith in you and that's HUGE. You're a good person from what I've seen and you deserve what's best. Everyone has their down times. I'm sure this will pass in time. I know I've had my share of down days. Heck, while I'm trying to go off my meds I'm having a tough time. Once you get ur ducks in a row and get some things more set in you life, I'm sure everything with her will also fall into place. Hope is a powerful thing and as long as she still has hope for you she'll be there for you. So don't give up on yourself cuz u know she won't give up on you or your dreams. Use that to your advantage and use her support to get ur life put together. She'll be there for you. I guess that's all the advice I can give ya for now. Things will work out. :hug2:

 

[Pidgeon182]

Unforgiven, I don't know you that well..but from what I do know you seem like a pretty cool guy. Things do get hard on everybody at times but eventually it will just come to you that there is really nothing to be sad about. Sure there are some momentary depressants, but no need to dwell over those things for long periods of time. I have been in your shoes, and I know what it is like..so trust me on this one.