Widowed.

Havok

Mr. Ee
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Whispering widows
With their enchanted lies
Long for the past
Nothing left but their sighs

Missing, is the key
To anything happy
Gone is their innocence
To prove their savvy

"Whatever it takes,
To find him again"
"His soul lay somewhere,
In another mans sin"

Desperation, need
To fill the void
Lies get us nowhere,
But hurt and annoyed.

The past is gone,
You won't get him back.
Sit with your sins,
Dressed all in black.
 

blah

Tenderony
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Well your rhyme is all over the place...but I'm no expert. The "savvy" was a huge turnoff though. I still like it dont get me wrong, I'm just trying to give usefull critizism...asfar as this helps anyway...

:thumbsup:
 

Havok

Mr. Ee
10,772
56
253
blah said:
Well your rhyme is all over the place...but I'm no expert. The "savvy" was a huge turnoff though. I still like it dont get me wrong, I'm just trying to give usefull critizism...asfar as this helps anyway...

:thumbsup:


Ahh it's cool.

I think...

Yeah, when I wrote it, it was off the top of my head, out of anger at my ex who killed who I am inside, thus the widow thing. But in the end she realized she lost the best thing her shitty life has ever had. I don't mind if no one else gets it, it's really kind of just for me to understand.
 

blah

Tenderony
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Often rhyming comes easy, and is hard to NOT do. I keep doing it, and I hate it plenty. I also tend to repeat certain words throughout my poems.
 

nexus

Hoodrat
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i find it so hard to write rhyming poems and when i do thay dont sound so good, if the poem sounds good then there is not need for it to rhym...
i like it a lot, blah has a point maybe you should try a new word for savvy it just dosn't fit in there that well but it is still good.