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You think you work with morons...

BRiT

CRaZY
Founder
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#1
I kid you not. The following is a true story.

In January the company I work for received a new CEO. He's incredibly technology unsavy. I've seen people unsavy before, but I couldn't believe his latest display. Before a company wide meeting, they had a powerpoint presentation on screen via a projector. While waiting for everyone to show up, the idle-timeout policy kicked in. This locked the system and started the screensaver. He was so startled by it he jumped back and asked "What is this?"

I know I'm not the only one who works with morons, so please share your work moron stories...
 

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
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#2
I was second in command (only to the manager) at this store i worked in. The system worked like this

.............| Grocery Dept Manager
.............| Produce Dept Manager
Manager | Meat Dept Manager
.............| Deli Dept Manager..................| Bookkeeper
.............| Front End Dept Manager (ME)..| Cashiers
..........................................................| End Caps

So, according to my makeshift chart, I have a few people under me. One night, a typical flow costumer wise night, the Manager asks me to go round up shopping carts in the lot. I tell him, no. I'm the FE Manager, get somebody else like a stock boy to do it. That asshole insists on sending me out.

I throw the frontend keys at him, and leave the store. I round up the carts, which takes me about 15 or 20 minutes and come back inside. By that time, the lines have gotton rediculously long, because there was nobody watching the front end, and I got shit for it from the Manager. I literally told him to go fuck himself. Needless to say, I went to upper managment about this incident, and about 2 weeks later he was fired. :D
 

DanGeo23

Resident Conservative
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#4
I had a kid (Specialist) that is in my unit... ask me how does he turn on his chemlight.. I thought he was kidding... he wasn't... I can't wait to get deployed with him this summer...
 

BrIONwoshMunky

EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!
Staff
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#5
I work with an idiot at night.... it's just the two of us. We have two plants, he's supposed to be in one, with me in the other. He, however, insists that he spend more time in my plant than in his. I enjoy not being disturbed while I do nothing, but he has to constantly talk... I zone out for up to 45 minutes at a time, but he doesn't even notice and keeps on talking. What's really fun is when he repeats everything I say. "Tank 3 is full, I'm shutting down a High Service pump." and he'll say after about 30 seconds, "Tank 3 is full, you're shutting down a High Service pump huh?" That drives me crazy. Not to mention that he chews his food with his mouth open, and thinks that he's only allowed to eat near me.
 

gehtfuct

HuGE
Staff
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#6
Morons. Yeah,I know these people well.
I was working at the Chicago Merchantile Exchange when I was...younger.
Eighteen or so,I think. Anyhoo. I was on the train,as usual in my morning transit. No big deal,suddenly the train craps out violently. "Ehh..it's going to be a few minutes folks",fifteen minutes later,were back to cruising the Rock Island.
Low and behold,I geht to work and it happends to be "Black Monday". The nastiest stock market crash,since the last recession.
My company lost fifteen million dollars on the opening bids. Me,being late,coupled with the loss,the boss was not happy.

I was fucking fired. That's right. No explanation nessesary. It also being the first and only time being fuck canned. Yeah,I had beef. But I bowed out gracefully,knowing the hit the company had took earlier on in the day. This fucking cocksmoker was going to geht his,as far as I was conscerned,anyhow.
Christmas had came early that year. The higher-ups had shit canned the fucktarded supervisor for crapping out twelve other people that day as well.

He was also brought up on charges later on for insider trading,and banned for life from the stock exchange. Tee-hee!

Fuck you, Mr Greco!
 

Olethros

Slayer of Tea-Sharks
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#7
DanGeo23 said:
I had a kid (Specialist) that is in my unit... ask me how does he turn on his chemlight.. I thought he was kidding... he wasn't... I can't wait to get deployed with him this summer...
hee hee hee. you should send him to get some chemlight batteries, or the keys to the drop zone.get him to ask people where he can find a box of gridsquares, or summer air for the tires.
 

UberSkippy

a.k.a. FuckTheBullShit
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#8
I used to work at the Sears repair center here when I was young. The people I worked with were idiots but they were your average every day morons. No, it was the CUSTOMERS who made that job hard.

On one occaision a stuffy chick walks in, slams down a canister vacuum and tells me it SHOCKED her 4 year old son. This being a fairly serious problem I get all professional and ask her to walk me through it. I will never forget her responce: "Well he was playing with it. He turnned it on and put the head in the toilet and it shocked him." Shocked him? She's lucky it didn't fucking kill him. What kind of retarded ass mother lets a 4 year old play with a plugged in vacuum much less lets the fucktard in training put the fucker in a bowl of water?

The other one I'll never forget was some lady who could not comprehend the fact that I did NOT have the belt she needed for her sewing machine. I don't know why, but we were out. She could NOT understand. She's up there throwing a shit fit and I'm trying to tell her that if she'd just drive 3 blocks to the actual retail store they have one she can have... for FREE. I'm willing to give her the thing just to get her out of the store. (Hell, I made $5.00 an hour so what did I care?) She won't let it go. Finally, my old pissy manager comes up to her and says "what did you want him to do lady? Climb on here on the counter, drop his pants and shit one out for you?"

God I hated that job. I swear, some of the dumbest people in the world shop at Sears.
 

Captain 151

Seeped in a dry Merlot
4,261
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#9
UberSkippy said:
Finally, my old pissy manager comes up to her and says "what did you want him to do lady? Climb on here on the counter, drop his pants and shit one out for you?"
LMAO!!! That doesn't sound like a pissy old manager to me!
 

Darklight

Oppressing your posts...
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#10
DanGeo23 said:
I had a kid (Specialist) that is in my unit... ask me how does he turn on his chemlight.. I thought he was kidding... he wasn't... I can't wait to get deployed with him this summer...
I can see a moron like that. I myself am an indentured servant to the government myself and have found a new meaning to retard since I made that mistake... as of now I have 5 months left before my term is up and thank god because some of the biggest morons in the universe get promoted above me...."so your saying that its a good idea to paint in the rain?"(need smiley having anurism here)
 

DanGeo23

Resident Conservative
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#11
hee hee hee. you should send him to get some chemlight batteries, or the keys to the drop zone.get him to ask people where he can find a box of gridsquares, or summer air for the tires.
when i was on active duty we used to send new privates out to check for soft spots on the tanks.. with a hammer... or tell them to go to commo and ask for a "Prick E7"
 

YUCK FOU!!!

Critical Update Notification Tool.
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#12
okay im in the food industry, also known as FAST FOOD, yeh thats right, a few pet peves.

firstly the other day we were short staff so i had to go and kleen lobby, as i had just walked out and started on a table an old lady and a middle aged man ( god knows what they were doing in kfc) stand there tuting and gesturing to the uncleaned bench, i proceded to do the one next to them because they hadnt orderd, but as i bent down to begin on the table they get extremely loud in their tuting and gesturing, ( something tells me they cant speek) so i politely say 'sorry' and clean their bench for them.

THEY GO AND SIT ON THE FIRST ONE I DID

secondly today a little turd walked in he looked 13 at the most

he walkes up and says
' do you have that 2 dollar chicken'
to which my friend repied: what 2 dollar chicken
the one on the tv ads
im sorry i dont know which one
*at this point sam another employee walks up*
sam: oh the wiked wings? im sorry we dont sell them any more
how come
uhh, because
how come
we just dont
how come
because we stopped
oh.......okay what else you got
we have crispy strips its $1.85 for one
for one
yes
only one?
yes
is that all
yes
for $1.85?
yes
oh okay bye
*walks out of store*

i was pissing myself laughing at this stage but that kid was the biggest retard


tats all i goot right now.
 

MaxPower

You're my number two
Staff
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#13
DanGeo23 said:
when i was on active duty we used to send new privates out to check for soft spots on the tanks.. with a hammer... or tell them to go to commo and ask for a "Prick E7"
When I was in high school I was the new guy i na hospital dietary department. The guys tried to make me the idiot by telling me to go to 6 norht and get a bucket of steam. So I grabbed some dry ice that the ice cream comes packed in, therw it in a bucket with some hot water, and returned it to them after a smoke break.
A classic case of pwnage reversal.
 

bnccoder

Postaholic
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#14
I work tech support for an ISP so I get a lot of the idiots that shouldn't allowed near a computer in the first place. A caller had a problem and we needed him to restart his computer. He did not understand what we wanted so I tried to walk him through going to where it says start at the edge of his screen and going to shutdown. He could not find the start menu. Since it had been an hour on that one call I told him to push the button on the front of the computer and hold it untill it turned off. After he said it had turned off, I had him turn it back on and I asked him what he saw. He described the same place we were at before I told him to restart. I figured out that he had turned the monitor off and back on. I got him to restart it finally and his problem was solved. Another customer couldn't double click to save her life. It took forever on that call I had to have her right click and find the option that we needed for everything. It took forever.
 

UberSkippy

a.k.a. FuckTheBullShit
7,529
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#15
Bncoders last post made me remember this one.

I worked as a phone support specialist (phone monkey at the help desk) for Health and Wellfare. I had an employee call up and tell me she had a "hole" in her computer. It took an hour for me to realize she was missing a drive bay blank. I told her I'd have someone come down and put one in. (No idea how the other one got out of the case in th first place.)

She says to me "No, I don't need it fixed. I just want to know if it's ok if I put paper clips in there."

I was dumbfounded. My responce was "Yes. It'll let you know when it's full."
 

YUCK FOU!!!

Critical Update Notification Tool.
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#16
omfg thats hillarious i fell off my chair!!!!!!
 

ferengi

Yay fire!
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#17
Whoops... misread that title as "you think you work with mormons..."